Wednesday, September 30, 2009

They Put A Plastic Bag Beside Me And Said "It's Uncommon To See You Alone Sir" And I Smiled

I explained about an ancient way to measure body to her that night when the TV streamed National Geographic Channel. Like a picture vitruvian man, the first drawing of human anatomy.
I said to her that she can measure her own height with just spreading her arms beside her elbow. She pays an attention that's good, and then i continued "It can measured from the edge of your longest finger which is your right middle finger to left mid..." but before i finished my words she done the same stance as i am then came closer, and wrap her hand on my body.

She asked that is it okay, she just wanted to done that but i said some words convinced her that it's not even a problem so i wrap my arms around her neck
On a moment of time all surrounding things made an elaborate musical composition in a form of rhythm. They coalesce as a song for a slow dance. The clock ticking matches the sound as we step making a circular movement changing place
I know how big she is how close our height is, she still small that time. Small enough to be in my arms. Feels nice maybe secure is the right word for that time. I can't get bored with it.

The greatest feeling of all time it is the feeling when i felt her cheek touching my cheek. It's just unbeatable. Words can't describe

Until she wanted a hollow patched for a moment, she cried, put her head upon my shoulder and then i held her back and rubbed back of her head i said "It's okay you're save now, you're with me"

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Ear Plugged Doll Head, Comb The Fringeeee!

It almost 4 months passed since i lost the only one i have. It isn't nice not seeing them around. It reminds me to a point where me and him wanted to make a present. I remember he shows me how to deal with strings and needles, he teaches me and and after it finished he laughed
Remembering someone just making me down into status quo, steady situation. Where i regretting many things that never happen. I wish he's still with me i'll take him everywhere, i'll ask him to ride me anywhere, and i'll introduce him to the one i care. But He's gone
I just still can't forget these things. I'm bored being like this
And no one ever feel the same as him.

I could buy an Tickle Me Elmo doll, or Transformers voice changer mask to make me forget these things. But at certain point i wanted to show the cool stuffs to him. I wanted he saw the best stuff in the world for current time, but the fact he is safe now. I'm tired of mourning

My brother said "It's fine for being young and still have a lot of friends surrounds while you getting older they all gone, they living their live, they being individualist" and i've been starting to feel that. Maybe i just have to get a university so i can have many friends and got young friends so i can keep up with them my childish act. Well i after all i got one more friend, but he had changed because a girl and i think it's enough to make a proof that a girl changing a way people behave.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Is It Butterflies In My Stomach or I Just Wanted to Go To The Toilet?

A family no matter how bad your siblings and cousins treat you, torture you, they done all of that for your own good. But it's now genuinely have been going. Ah.. Wait i have my own liquor

Your family could have been betray you all the time even you feel ashamed when you found out that they able to make a crisscross upon your statement, they could have make an opposite statement about it or they made everything up
They could have made you fall into a deep hole and cover it with sands till your lung filled with it, till there is no chance for you to fix it. Or maybe you can do the opposite put a mice trap oh it's too cute let's try another word a burglar alarm? Nah too common Batman trap sounded nice to put there. It may looks like a forest pig trap but it's big so their chest could be bitten with that trap
Blitzkrieg should come if i contacted them to kill my relatives. I want them felt how does it feel if they accused for doing something they are not, and how does it feel if they emotionally depressed. Your own family could be turned out to your biggest enemy just because a girl and money
The best thing to survive is just believe in yourself
no one will make you get what you've been dreaming for except yourself
Keep trying :D

*Nah it's just a sweet ice tea

Monday, September 21, 2009

Pretty face Dutchmen blowing bagpipe "Where Is Rabbi I Will Have Blessed By Then"

There are three matters that caused humans brain degenerated. Most of them if they face these things they will forget how to think clearly, they doesn't even remember electricity bill, newspaper bill, and water bill to get paid. Or even they totally forget that He the one above there is watching their behavior

At first human created, a couple called Adam and Eve. As all the bible said Adam and eve was putted on a round planet filled with gases which figured out lately as an oxygen. What they are doing? They attracted to each other, not knowing the truth that if Adam is gay or opposite Eve is lesbian. Or it might because of at first on earth there's no electricity, no other person like scientist that could make an artificial skin that could make a chain so there's no sex store exist. She must had been having a hard time because there's no phalus shaped peg for satisfying herself? Oh she might forgot an eggplant. But if it happens there would be no me and you that have been destroying earth. They had done an activity to reproduce so they able to carry on their generation grow. Till there was a religious ages where saints, and holy people walking around the society. Nah forget it it getting longer. So The first is Sex.
Primitive man fight for living. Where big predators whistling pretending around them that they doesn't want to eat humans, but when human blink then GAME OVER DUDE!. In other words they have to defend them self or die. Hunger smells in the air i wonder is there a chicken on stone age? Maybe they doesn't looks like nowadays which small light and cute they probably magnified 3x to 4x in size. They could had killed them roast or bake how do you like it hun? But i don't think they able to fry it because they haven't found a hard shining plate that called steel at that time. Oh excuse the babble if on stone ages there was a frying pan and gas has invented at that timethere might be a KFC store (d'oh like flintstones?) and were could have been having a good relationship with aliens now. They kill living creature for food or maybe they have a fight between human and eat the body. The second is food and hunger.
and, what happened between 28 July 1914 - 11 November 1918 around europe? There's a person facing a monitor with a line graphic, radars, and radio transmitter, a large center of defense, where high end computers line up on the tables one man each table to discover new informations, it hundreds of them. There is no chance to open up YouTube and watch From First to Last music video or just practicing guitar from top guitarist lessons. Blood shed, millions bullets scattered on the ground, fire soars in the air, thousand bombs thrown, the result? World War I million peoples are dead when facing the time. They still young and strong, oh fuck the people who invented guns and explosive my second cousin's grand father lost his hand on a war that caused by a land mine. Fuck the people killing each other for the sake of their God. Fuck the people who is crazy, kill and rape his girlfriend, fuck the tribes held a war between and chop each other with blade, there's still many important thing to do rather than doing that things. Fuck the people who blow their emotion lightly because of silly things, fuck the people angry on what chords is misplayed, wrong finger pressing, and hard to teach, fuck the people who do not be patient on teaching their pupils, fuck the teachers, fuck the schools fuck everybody who hate us. So The Third is war, anger, unbearable emotion.

i hate this post genuinely. I made this post because i can't hold it my brother and sister become crazy lately

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Prejudiced Resentment

Feel the rain touch
the smell of wet grass wetted soil
the breezing air
a cup of nail warm english breakfast
shelter under the rainbow colored umbrella
disgraced value of self-importance

Friday, September 11, 2009

Is Love is Sparkles, and A Ray of Light?

Days and days passed i've been hoping for a new day come and still i'm stuck in this circumstance the need to educate myself rather than being lazy ass sleep all day. There should be more time to watch National Geographic Channel, and bend knees in lazy rattan chair, eating chocolate pudding and drink soy milk. All question popped above am i getting older and bored with this routine on the other side stagnated on current intelligence?
It's getting bored when i have no place to study, brain out and pull my shirt hey i'm thirst for being trained!

And oh my hair sucks, no more good hair day and someone said "i like your hair" it's more like Matthew Tucker nowadays, too lazy to cut it again. But i still cut my friends hair. When i prefer simpler styling. No extra money for hairspray *evil thorn

There we made an appointment a week before. She said "Hey cut my hair" sure i would like to cut her hair. Cut tilt head forcefully her face on my both hand i wish i can kiss that cheek that time. Then rechecking, lights down. Great but she looks fine!

We've been facing each other while we sat. I hooked my hand on her left foot and she put her left elbow on my left knee. The lights down, presbyopic made my sight unable saw her face clearly passing car's light lighten it sometimes. There's a glance of her look but i stare straight whatever it takes

I sat beside her and took a reason to look at her hair but i just wanted to see her face closer, and then i asked to get something to eat again then she agreed but i had been suspending the time to look at her face additionally for about several hours

Bad luck she notice it she said "Hey it's getting darker the clock pointing at 10:30 PM!" but i stepped my left foot i lean my body towards her and i said "Hey would you be my girl?" she giggled, what came out next is "What took you so long" he hit my chest then i replied "I'm sorry actually i've been thinking about this too long, and i planned to say to you before you asked that question last night" then she keeps quiet

What happened the night before was, she texted she wanted to ask about something, i replied "Yes?" She asked about what am i going to done with my previous statement like a month before. I told her that are i love her, and don't want to lose her. Well she just wanted to know what am i going to done with it. But then i replied "Let's be a boyfriend, and girlfriend then! But i have to say this directly to you! Just wait", and then i wrote a new message before she replied it "We're going to meet aren't we?" she didn't answer it but she replied complaining about why am i have been suspending it for a long time.

Back to the room where i cut her hair it was unventilated, and the lights down. A candle with a weird form accompany us seen the surrounding, while my little cousins playing around us. She have been smiling, and then i bewildered with that look so i tried hard to open my mouth,and said "So what is it? What's the answer?". She nod her head then close her eyes saying "Yes" while nodded open it again after she said that, and she continue the word "And now you are my boyfriend, and I'm your girlfriend". She wanted to get up but pulled her arm and said "Give me a hug" then we hug each other tightly till we almost fell to the floor. It was dark, about to middle of the night on September 2nd, and i hold her hand

The next day we met again i wear polo shirt which is looks neat and she dress up so scene although she looks fabulous. I have no idea what are we going to do what would be happen next that evening. I wanted to blew the candles with her so i said "Let's buy a cake" but she don't let me to because got one. She kidnapped me on her house watching National Geographic Channel about oil barrel and mosques, and commenting on some local show and laugh. Then a moment after, she said "Miko you're turning 20!" but what popped on my head is this about the time? Oh geez yes it is. Then she hugged me and kissed my cheek. She took that heart shaped chocolate cake with an surplus amount of sparks candle, 24

"Make a wish!" she said, and then i made a wish, blew the candles hard but the candles lit up over, and over after it blowed. But eventually she helped me then done! I still can't say a word, just smiled along. She asked me to wait. She got a present for me. She enter her room, and came back with a cloth that she cut, and sew by herself I was confused at first trying to figure out what is it but after i observed it i realize it is a blanket. I totally like the Mickey head shape cut that she stitch on each corner. I said "Thank you", and i give her a hug once more. But too bad i have to go home, i asked her to accompany me to get a cab, we walk to the nearest road while she eat that chocolate cake then i got one bite of it then i said bye i hug her and kiss her cheek again. That's how the story goes

is love is a ray of light?

Thursday, September 10, 2009

"I Thought I Was Wrong So I've Got To Move On" she said

I miss a scent of someone, and yet i miss my time being around her
but yes i take back my previous words because of this

It's started out on May 8th i saw my friend's wall, and i saw this foreigner girl drop him wall called his name, i started to think that it's a fake profile but then i decided to give it a peek, maybe i'll add her when i'm pretty sure she's real. But every time i drop a wall to my friends she is there drop a wall as well so i decided to add her. I am sure enough some rich girls, and high class peeps would not accept my friendship request but she approve it right away, and dropped me a wall just to say thanks then sure i replied it. We talked a lot till sushi, and popsicles mentioned. It lasted a week till i ask her number. We text a lot, and move on to YM! Every night start above 11 PM, and it usually end up between 4 - 5 AM it's not fair i hooked up on my laptop while she hooked up with her cute little Blackberry lay down on her bed, and didn't fainted when the phone thwack her face, while I'm using my laptop. But then i gather some money to buy the same phone as her. Not for a long time then i bought it. Yes we've been chatting all the time. What ever i said or what ever she said we never got bored on each other although we saying useless words all the time.

Until one day i wakened by a call from my friend he said I have to attend band briefing to talk about what song will be playing next, who will play what instrument, and what gig we should play also when is it. I was talking with her after i took a shower. Then she said she had been on PIM since an hour before but i thought she would not meet me, she probably get her ass off, and ran to somewhere else before i arrived there. Unfortunately, when i'm about half way to get to the meeting point they said that they cancelled the appointment, and i thought "Oh great i would stuck on PIM alone". Then i ask her whether she would be there or not. But she convinced she would be there till 6, and i freak out. Okay there Dunkin Donuts hairy boy dressed in tight Iron Maiden tees, skinny jeans, tight hooded sweatshirt seek for a foreign girl there's no way to walk out, there's no sign of her appearance on the outer seat, but there she goes they both sat on the corner near that window. A girl and her uncle, so the boy waved and taken a closer step, he shook her uncle's hand, and said "Hello" while he can't wait to turn his head to right where the girl sat. He smiled to her uncle and turn his head to right. The boy still smiling while he took a glance of her face. But next the boy given his hand foreign girl grab it they shook. After months, and months been chatting without heard each other voice, thousand bytes spent on the internet, countless emotion they shared, this is the first time they met the first time they touch. The boy fell into his shallow daydream for a moment but the imagination, torn apart when she said "Hello" her voice is just exactly like he expected, but the boy smiled still. He has been thinking how completely different she looked from the pictures the put on the internet but in a good way she's exactly like what he had been imagining all the time. How surprised the boy found that her hair is brown.

Some days passed we meet again, again, and again, till there's a moment we gone to some place with her and her uncle certainly for a work. It was cold and windy that time when the four of us talking on a tiny hut around there. Me, my friend Ricky, her and her uncle. Ricky, and her uncle were wanted to go to the toilet while unconsciously they leaving the both of us on the small bamboo hut. The wind blown so hard, and also breezy at the same time. I fold my knees, and i realized we never as close as this. So close till i can see that brown eyes. I curse my mouth for what will i say next, this happened because my limb works before the brain processes it. So i said "I just knew that your eyes were brown" then i was mumbling hard "stupid stupid stupid" in my mind because she keeps quiet for a moment till i regretted it. But she suddenly look at my eyes as well but i know there's nothing special about my eyes but who knows if the right is purple, and the left is green. The day become night the sky like a blank canvass the painter up there scattered stars on it i said how come in this time in a place like this there's so many stars there and i said "Look stars!" and she said "Oh yes!" God put his hand on the whole day.

Couple days passed I've been making a gap because I thought that I'm nobody, and I have a long list insufficiency. But i think something's lost, something's not right if it keeps on going this way, and probably i will have been living with a fool mark on my brain for ever. Then i decided to talk to her and face it, we meet at that Fish n Co. I eat Fish n' Chips but as always she didn't eat some. I finished my meal, she started the conversation with "So what's the matter you said that you wanted to talk to me?" I was running out of words in sudden when she said that. I said a lot of "like" like this "i was like sort of like having this like" but there the word came out "Mickey i love you" but she didn't hear that clearly so she started to say "You know sometimes you talk about things unclear like you always do...... I've read something about a person like you like sometimes..." she was blabbering, and i kept quiet till she asked again "So what is it?" i said it once more "Mickey listen, i love you" she didn't hear that too, she talking about what she mentioned before. I was dropped, my self esteem became lowered. I remain quiet. She asks again "So Miko what is it?" i said "I love you M...." then she continuing her blabber about what she thinks about me. So i cut it "Mickey! Okay there's two things you need to know for now" i show my fist, and let my little finger pointing up "First, i love you" followed by ring finger pointing up "Second, i don't want to lose you that's it"

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Oops, Pardon My French

i can say i will live outside Indonesia and live my life like i wanted to, watching TV on late night and picking fruit from my own garden on the morning like having a small apartment and teaching music while college too
but that's all a dream. I can say it every time i want and as often as i want
i could say i will get a car on the next day after i say this
keep it real don't be too much we can have a plan but if God says no it would not happen how wealthy i am how adequate i am to be in that situation
keep it below the radar and keep the hope soars above the satelite, thats the thing

Sweets, Gums, Gum is better but it Will No Longer Sweet

A dim fluorescent light up my table beside my desk i'm writing this in my bedroom still wearing my ripped jeans and white puppy shirt, just after broke the fast and sit here directly got nothing to worry beside a box that i promised to post it to my friend in malaysia. I always lazy regarding the cost to ship it there with an express package service as i remember i checked it costs about Rp 350.000 oh man that's a lot money imagine the poor collecting that amount could be more than a week and i'm spending it least than 5 minutes nah let's put that aside so lately i really got nothing to do except go out and spend my money still the same money burner kid and um go gathering with my friends going out with my closest friend and now she became a part of me and i'm about to faint *laughing. I'll talk about her later
And then i found that i have a less strength about to get a medical program i'm closing my eyes to whatever i must put the effort in case of getting it well just hoping miracle happens that's fool but i'm too tired i have studied all year and what did i got? Yes rejected
Ah my beard grow longer i wonder why am i do not as pale as i was last year, maybe because i burnt down my skin under the sun back then on Bali, or because i add some fish and chicken to my daily meal. I hope it could make me gone bigger but i found it stupid but what ever i hope i get bigger. Not even my body i hope i could be bigger than now on my social life i wish i could do like my buddy Yudha which has passed away a month ago, he was like so close with many many friend i thought he was picky because sometime when he saw a person he always commented at them and bad bad mouth and then laugh and here's my mellow moment comes again. I'll be playing guitar and sang a sad song oh lately i'm playing Dashboard Confessional's Dusk and Summer it helped. One thing i cured back on 2 days ago i was on the plane and i'm suddenly freak out because the bad pilot i'm afraid the plane will have a machine failure or something is coming toward the plane and the plane will goes like bang bang a lot of fire and i'm dead. At that moment i closed my eyes and put my favourite shure in ear earphone play a song and then i said "Relax it's all going to be alright if this plane going down it means you were destined to die here, and you'll be live on what's called life after the dead if you die then die you still able to see the people you love and don't have a troublesome on Yudha he's save now don't worry he wasn't in a deep pain, a deep regret or something bad happened to him because he is now save on His side and you must believe it, yes i believe. About the university thing you must have a bigger aim than now and that makes you have a goal on your life okay you will be have a college on states" i forgot on what am i saying to myself "things happened for a reason" "Fate is all in His hand" it means ALL things and could be every little thing. So i'm relieved like a little splash of dew on a mountain. That could be mean i'm cured from airplane phobia
I'm forcing to eat things now like crazy i'm gained weight now like 10 pounds and now my tummy is saggier than ever because an excessive skin that i get on a result from weight lost from 200 pounds to 140 pounds yeah that's a lot flappy tummy! I wish i'm able to do more exercises like the old days. I want my skin like i used to. Oh yes and um things changed i found i have to keep things childish to keep me going forward and yes here's my phone looks now
It's Blackberry storm but i give it a sticker. But after i got home i crave at and they have this pattern  yes amazon pissed me off Argh
And yet another Birthday i don't feel i like my birthday because i'm going to congratulated all day and i'm too shy to face them all but okay there was so much of them congrats me on the facebook and some of them like "Although you do not know me i still want to wish you ...." and that's funny thank you for you that had take some of their precious time drop me a wall and congrats me wether from Facebook or SMS or call me that's so wonderful thanks a lot!
did you know i'm still on 11th grade? And still 16 *pft
well i just realized that i'm acting plain most of the time that made me not able to show how i really feel to my friends and family but i dare myself to fix it my eyelids became looser every single day. I must have put an excessive amount of excitement a bit more here. On my head