Sunday, October 30, 2011


image courtesy of Shida Aruya -
I went out for a touch of fun...
some money to burn...
and a band to be heard...

It was Tame Impala playing that night. I don't know what am i doing but i was there. I acquainted all of the songs for just 2 days and memorize all of the melodies lyrics naturally. It was 3 days before the show i told my friend that i got crack if she wanted some. She told me that she'll have something that she called acid. I don't know what kind of acid or how bad it would knock you
down so i said
"Give me some"
she said "Alright i'll give you some".

I went there alone with the best outfit i could put on that night it looks magnificent in my eyes although it just a plain white tshirt, and jeans. I put on my sailor hat that i recently bought from eBay that looks perfect in collaboration with the mustache i grown for quite a while. I looked like a real sailor only without pipe and boat.

I got there 2 hours earlier before the band started playing. I drove my car there and all clean, parked my car at the nearest place, and walked to in front of the gate. I talked with the ticket scalper about things that i should put attention in life and essential things on looking for a girl. It was where the weirdness started since the conversation going to what girls would do for you if you look in certain way and a lot of things that quite strange for a light conversation. Then i spot my friend i called her name several times and she was looking at me but her friend thought that she was hallucinating so i met her again at the same place another minutes difference. I started the conversation called her name and she said
"Hey i bring along the weeds with me"
'Really? I'm already high though.. haha save it"
"What is that? Gimme one!"
"I'll give you later haha!"

Then we were separated and all but i met her in the gig, it was a club but with a big stage on the front. The surroundings was unimportant and what's on my mind was her, and the drug. I met her again in the crowd in a half shouting
"Where's mine!"
"Shhhhh....!" *look around "Alrite follow me"
i followed her upon the toilet door and she came back with a guy and laughed about something. And she said
and we were back in the crowd again with her friends. She pulled the palm of my hand like about to read my palm, but she point something in the middle of my palm and said
"Here put this in your tongue until it disappear.."
"I mean until it dissolves"
"I can't see anything"
"it's a paper"
"I can't see it"
*she took something from my palm and said
"Say aah!"
She put a paper in my mouth and it tasted like paper. Nothing happened but i kept the paper in the middle of my tongue.
The first band playing was chk chk chk (!!!) the music thumping like it's louder than before, all the things in the building rattled as the band started. It felt gradually good. Until i danced myself a little bit. Damn it's good...

Chk Chk Chk was off and my body rattled as i calm myself. I smiled, and i got to laugh since it tickles from the inside but i didn't need to laugh it felt like the longest wait in my life until Tame Impala came out. I introduce myself to my surroundings, i was in a bunch of cool people in a flash. Like we know each other from a long time ago but not really long time. I know you just now but i have a strong bond between you and me and all the people around me. It was ages until Tame Impala came out.

The guitarist played the chord, band started playing. Boom! Everyone shouted and had fun. I've never heard such a beautiful sounds like this in my life. It was beyond something your sensory receive as so called sounds. All the lights came out like gigantic eagle wings flapped, sway like it gave you a breeze of something wonderful. Everything was beyond normal and a shift of happiness into another shape of peaceful state of mind. My body wasn't stop moving like it should have been like that before. I don't care about tomorrow and the moment before and after this present time. I just know bunch of people and we own the place.

I turn my head right, i saw my friend's friend, i turn my head back i saw my friend and i wave, she wave back. It was an ocean of sounds. But the room was strong enough to handle it. Song after song, i don't care it kept changing but well everyone under the influence of dope own the place. I don't need to sing i don't want to put another note to this never ending sounds and guitar screech.
It was fun i met bunch of old friends, i felt wiser and in control for a while, and i tried myself to control the drug effect i succeed but the music was really hard to resist. I can't stop smiling. I am in the peak of peaceful mind. Until the band talk about stuff i don't really care since i want the wonderful music keep playing.

1 hours felt like it was nothing like an hour. Time distorted, vision twisted, and music was the only thing that you couldn't resist. I drove there but i'm not sure if i can hit home if i'm in this condition. I told my friend that i can't go home she said
"You're driving! Fuck i told you it was a serious thing!"
"I know"
"Serious seriously!"
it was serious but i kept smiling
"I can't get home unless someone drive me home"
"Where your house at?"
"Fuck you!"
I saw her face she was pissed
i said "No no I'm alrite i got friends out there that could drive me home"
"I don't know what to do right now please remind me"
"Just call me or text me if something happens"
"I don't have your number"
she looked pissed one more time. And i gave her my phone i asked her number
"Alrite thankyou! I'll let you know"

But no i went out looking for my friend that wasn't there. And i don't have anywhere else to go that saver than anywhere else. It was MY CAR. I started the engine, and turn the air conditioner on. It was super weird. I breath heavily, and started to drive around. I thought it'll be easy to drive home. But it's not an easy thing. Everything distorted, my vision couldn't stay in one frame and numbness slowly take over my body but magically my car still going in a steady speed. I was so nervous about got pulled over by police, and i could possibly gone to jail. But i kept my car going in a steady speed and breath regularly.

Until i had a thought that i was driving in my imagination and what i saw wasn't real. But i think all of it was realistic. I pulled over several times and binged a lot of air, release it fast. But it didn't help my feet was so numb but still the car kept moved in a steady speed. The closer my home is, the harder it gets for me to drive. Everything still distorted. I passed the road i usually take when i get home until i get to in front of the gate of my home. I saw another car on where i should put my car. It was the difficult thing i should do while i was struggling to drove home. I do it slowly but hard because i can't feel my legs, and so i put succeeded doing it.

I went here and there before i got to my bed, i changed clothes wash my face and lay on my bed breathing heavily. I can't sleep. I could hear the songs and all of the sounds remixed my my head like it was the best remix i had ever heard. I kept worrying about the car that i couldn't parked properly like i used to and i kept looking at my phones. I beg my friend to reply me so i know i'm doing alrite
"Could you reply me so i know i'm okay?"
she replied "Hey ur okay"
i calm myself for a while,
The songs, the thoughts and the fear of the thought of my friend would avoid me was keep going on in my mind and can't stop. I curled in agony for hours. It was horrible and frightening at the same time

I slept for some minutes and awaken several times from 3:00AM to 6:15 AM . Until i finally too tired and had fallen asleep on the morning.

I told the story my sister and she laughed about it. So i think it was something to laugh for
I'm still under the influence of the drug while I'm writing this.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

P.S: Help Me...

College life was frustrating, i do failed in 2 classes. I drooled on a lot of subjects. And i got to beat them all i got to accomplish all of the subjects with good grades. I hope what I'm aiming will got a bullseye.

Have you ever felt alone yet you know you're surrounded by the people you know, the closest people that you loved to be around your spouse or the environment that you familiar with. Like you think you should do something bigger than this but you don't know how to do the leap or the leap was too risky till you can't risk what you have gotten now into a void. Like you know you're in a middle of something that you shouldn't do, like your inner self think that you should GO AWAY! Well I'm in the middle of that feeling. I don't know what was that or what to do but i hope something will help me figure this out. Like i know something big will come. I know i can do something big but haven't figure it out. Yet.

Routine kills creativity. Creativity doesn't need routine
I hope i can figure this out...
P.S: help me

Dim The Lights and You're The Spotlight

I've done a lot of unusual things. I'm no longer as patient as i usually do, i no longer do things in order, i don't make an impression to peoples. I live my live as i am, as i should. I usually tell people not to hear peoples opinion. I actually do care about it and it bugs me but not lately.
I do hear them but i take it as one way opinion "Okay i take that as what you think. But i don't think like your way". Like i get the hint of living. Like people should know me as i am. No persona. No mask hiding. I am me as me.
I don't care what would people think of me, and do people will take me as i am?
I'm more like this is me take me as i am or watch me as i go.
this is weird and new but
i do aware of "what goes around come back around"