Saturday, December 31, 2011

a Kiss a Hug... But what does it mean?

New year's not as i expected but it went smoothly without conflicts
i see this year's celebration as something flat
i hope i was somewhere far... Somewhere... Anywhere but here
but i didn't go there not even trying to

i was hoping a lot for today...
Yet i hope nothing more than this

I know that all of this will be happen

I want to be with you

I am tired...

Please just be mine

I heard 'I Would Do Anything for You' on my way home

"Oo la love, I’ve fallen in love, and it’s better this time than ever before Oo la love, I’ve fallen in love, and it’s better this time than I’ve ever known"

I guess it's the best song for that moment until i realize i was in a chaos of the living things and routine
I was in bed crying
and realize how pathetic it is longing someone to care about me
i realize this is the most pathetic feeling

But i believe sometimes when you bleed you don't need to put a bandage on it immediately. Sometimes you need to let it bleed and dry itself 

Video of New Year Fireworks Around My aunt's apartement

Sunday, December 18, 2011


I want to cry. But what i did was crying inside. It hurts

Monday, December 5, 2011


I've been wanting this type of specs since it looks like Steve Jobs but i completely blew the purpose of being myself does it? Or it doesn't?

I've been wanting a new specs, since the measurements has changed i think. It gone higher since all those writing on the whiteboard had been blurred.

But i also want thick eyeglasses since it makes me looked more whatever.
What do you think?

Ma Belle Amie

I miss us!
There's no more us'
since there's just YOU and I

Faggy Suit!

you out there i still have this butterflies on my tummies when i see you
i have this feeling that have been screaming when i talk to you.
Every single time

Since it was some time i gave a hint
and afraid it would completely blew off the friendliness between us
maybe all these sounds faggy to you
i can't do anything about this

It hurts
But if this a wound i'll let it bleed and dried by the air
i wan't to say that i care about you and i love you but
not in a romantic way

in a friendly way.
If you read this.
and you get a hint

I love you as my friend

Clouds, And Everything In Between

Hello this is an open letter to you out there and you know to whom this is referring to
i know you're sad and upset but it's not always me to blame
see the answer within yourself what made me be in this way
and what made you feel uncomfortable when I'm in this state.

I know you hate me, convince me all you can that you feeling another way
i knew this day will come and i knew you will disagree to all the things i said.

I hate you for being completely rude, impolite and never show some respect without you knowing it completely.
You hated me for left you like that
and to love someone forever is the biggest lie.
and I'm not making you hate me more
but I'm sick of being the person i shouldn't be
Happy living your life
I'm happy living mine

I've Been Missing to Play Drums

This should be the most usual state for myself to make a post. I just feel like to but I'm also stucked in this little chaos in my head that destroys and obscuring for what i should do and not.

This should be the most uncomfortable moment and yet the fastest time slipping moment of my days. I heard songs and they felt like an ingredients to myself. It's the concrete of a building, and sands to shores.

I'm hearing Tame Impala's Why Won't You Make Up Your Mind. I feel lonely. So lonely while i know there's two of my siblings beside me, one shared room with me and the other one suddenly came in and asked for my Tempur since he got bitten by fleas from his matt.

I hate my sofa bed it's hard. But it's my throne to be on the sofa bed since it fits just to one person and It's only me.

I'm hearing to Tame Impala since it reminds me of that time. Of that concerts. It was my closest encounter to you. It absolutely the most craziest time of my adolescent years. I don't quite frankly think it's adolescent to be exact it might refers to "Young Adult" as it stated to recently closed Wiki page.

I know listening to Tame Impala have been making me in this type of confusion, drunkenness, and blue. But It's okay baby i like it this way.

Being the most honest people to myself is the most biggest achievements that i could accomplish to myself. I felt weightless and problem less as i usually avoid conflicts in my daily life but looking for conflicts and keep reminding me to make one in every single possible way is the best thing that ever happened to me in years of my life.

Being truly honest of what i really want to and what I'm feeling has been helping me going through hard times. In instance when i thought i really like chemist in fact i drool a lot on chemist is the biggest lie to myself. Being able to accept yourself knowing it's abilities and disabilities is the best thing that you can do. Since every individual are created in their own way. If you can't understand one thing, why do you have to be so shy if other people think you're stupid? You're not stupid when you're asking. But it's worse when you don't know and you're keeping it to yourself.

Keep making mistakes ;)