Sunday, December 1, 2013
It's not that glittery eyes has made me fall
It's the reason beyond. The ego
The happiness within the self pre/post interactivity between a living matter, an action, and the self.
Happiness is not a destination. Rather than a shift of the mind that you suffer.
Son of a bitch
Sunday, October 20, 2013
It means to keep smiling, to keep feeling alright.
Even the slightest sadness doesn't need to be present.
I learned a lot that a happiness came in a shape that i don't even expect. It came in any shape that so beautiful even that i want to protect it no matter what happens.
I learned that there's no need to be exaggerating little things for it become a big obstacle. It makes me and the people around me feels bad. It puts people into hard position.
I learned that i don't need to take everything seriously. I just need to follow my heart, my dreams, and my will to do the things i want and it will be so much better when you met someone that really appreciate your goals, support you no matter how bad it is or how impossible it is.
I learned that i need to stand on my ground and trust the people that can be trusted. If you found someone that can be trusted, never lose faith on them. If someone lets you down one time, there will be the thousandth time.
I learned that the more i live my life, the less i wrote about this blog. I keep this blog as a journal. I was sad every time i wrote a post in this blog. But i don't feel that sad more often. I do want people out there that doesn't even interact with me read this journal and felt the change of the way they are thinking. I want to know that. And i know that i can't stop writing when i do it.
I don't know where to stop. So i always end it like this.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
I can't sleep and i lit up my cigars
This is the last time i ever touched the cigars
Since i came back again when i started working
But, this day is the last time i ever work in that office
I will miss my surroundings, the people around, and the routine
At least good bye for now.
I'm sad so sad that i don't want to sleep and going on to the next day
I don't want to leave that office
I don't even want to walk away
But, i need to keep on going with life.
I keep being an ass on my last few days in that office
I don't want to stare their faces
I hate them instantly
But, they have become a part of my life.
I will be feeling this way until sometime in the future
And keep going on with my life
I let the wound bleed and dries when the air let it dries naturally
Rather than put a bandaid and see the scar for the rest of my life.
I thank them for being a part of my life,
And thank them for letting me to be a part of their life
At least, farewell for now.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
get used to their behavior, get to know them better.
Theres nothing frightening knowing that they can leave you someday, sometime, some way.
They took those memories from you, those moments from you, a part of your life away.
It's not frightening if that happens.
You get those memories, love, and affection that you deserve,
And no one can understand those as you do.
You are that special for being loved by someone and you are special to love someone.
Even if that they someday leave you, it's just that... You both are just not meant to be
Not because it is not destined to be.
But it is the series of your behavior and choices within life.
It's your call, your decision.
You need to know that once you met someone in your life you've got to be prepared for when they leave you.
Never be afraid when you love someone, or someone loves you back.
You are that special.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Friday, August 2, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
She's not that good nor bad. She's the way she is. She is the one i think when i close and open my eyes. She's the one that makes my heart races.
Making straight faces, fooling around, and talk to for hours.
She's the one that keeps telling me that I'm the best when i did the worst.
She is the one, that hugs me shameless just to make me smile.
She is the one, that hugs me shameless
She's the one, that hugs me
She's the one
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Why am i afraid of listening to them all this time? I don't know why.
I remember the last time everyone asked me to watch them live. I didn't
and hearing them coming is never make me this nervous, afraid at the same time.
I don't know why.
Is this because when you listens to some songs and the tunes brings back a lot of memories in one single song, sounds, and beats or am i just simply nervous.
I faced a lot of things that make me nervous. I don't think that this is nervous.
I think this is something else.
Or may be this is the stage of when you left behind a lot of old things, put it in a box, and trying to forget it, and somethings remind you about the old things that you left behind.
I've been trying to forget my past, and what I've done a couple of years back.
I don't want to remember them nothing at all.
But i think it's useless.
Don't you think when you have no history, then you've become something that can't make a history. Something that can't left a mark in a history of the world. Like a tiger died, withers and left the marks. Like an elephant that dies, left the tusk.
We are all do wan't to be remembered that way.
Actually, I've lost my vibes and interest in new things.
Is this what it's called growing up.
You left the complicated things, and start on with a simpler things. Left the complicated things, and you move onto the activity, and stuff that helps you going through life.
What life is exactly, what it is suppose to mean?
I recently saw a videos about Extra Terrestrial being has been working with the Canadian government, and always believe that aliens exist. I mean. What they called as genie, and spirits could be them. I mean come on people.
We're too selfish to say that we're living alone in the whole universe. We can't be really alone in the goddamn universe and i believe that was true.
too tired. I'm done
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
You meet different people from different backgrounds work as one with one goal. How sweet it is for a lover. How they came from different human beings, and met, agreed in one same goal. Work harmonious, support each other, complete each others words while the other lost it's words.
But meeting new people sometimes harder when not everyone you met doesn't open to new people.
When you meet new people, and you felt afraid, and judged them before you don't even try to know them. How horrible way to treat people when we live in one earth, and need to socialize. Because we are social beings.
I need to stop now. Lotta works ahead
Saturday, March 16, 2013
some people are meant with with someone
it's all written on the stars
The stars collided and made a new ration every cycles
Some people are meant to be together,
some people has their crawling value
and they stick with losers.
Life ain't getting better with a couch, TV, and Pop Corns
it gets better with Blood, Sweat, and Tears
you've got to remember the spinning wheel
it goes around
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
I know someone who have no feeling at all. Never say tired nor exhausted she always do things with all the devotion of her mind and body. Something bothers me when she talks about her profession she always think that being a doctor is a must and she'll struggle doing that no matter what. "This is for my mother and father" she said. "This is my attempt to make them proud" i respect that.
Another one is someone i know really close, whom happens to have a lawyer father. He promised his father one day that he'll be greater lawyer than him and i always want to see him rise to the sky and when he pops out on the TV i could said "That's my friend" . But he was mistaken about what he wants, he wasn't sure about what he wants up until last year. He's studying art in Bandung now, and his dad very proud of him.
What happens in those two stories are sometimes we are mistaken about what we feel and what we really want. Sometimes we are mistaken about why, and what. Sometimes we are mistaken about possessing and loving, sometimes we are not sure about what we really, really feel but if we follow our emotion, it might drives you to the wrong path.
Sometimes i heard my close friends that made high salary and whining about how much they hate what they are doing since when first he decided to go to college, he doesn't really know what we want. He wants to be recognized by his family because he can really manage to do it. He's accountant graduate, but his passion is to draw and design.
I was mistaken for a year to be a doctor. But i don't want to wake up in mid 30's and wondering "Holy shit why am i being a doctor!" i don't want to regret of something that I've been struggling and found out some years later that i don't like, have any passion in, love the thing that I'm working on. When i struggle hard to like something, that's when i said to myself "This isn't your thing". It's okay to fail some subjects, just keep focus on what you like and what you love and people will recognize you from what you are able to do.
Happy finals my friends!
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Intimidation of intimacy consumes the very core of myself. I have wondered why it fades away is it by the wind or the sound of your voice. You're the one to blame for this state of unsolicited desires, voiceless screams, crying heart. Vaguely wanderer I am or am I?