Sunday, December 1, 2013

Happiness, glittery eyes, and that smile.

Things are different now
It's not that glittery eyes has made me fall 
It's the reason beyond. The ego

The happiness within the self pre/post interactivity between a living matter, an action, and the self.

Happiness is not a destination. Rather than a shift of the mind  that you suffer.

Son of a bitch

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Trouble Sleeping. That's Like My Middle Name

I learned a lot for being positive by any means.
It means to keep smiling, to keep feeling alright.
Even the slightest sadness doesn't need to be present.

I learned a lot that a happiness came in a shape that i don't even expect. It came in any shape that so beautiful even that i want to protect it no matter what happens.

I learned that there's no need to be exaggerating little things for it become a big obstacle. It makes me and the people around me feels bad. It puts people into hard position.

I learned that i don't need to take everything seriously. I just need to follow my heart, my dreams, and my will to do the things i want and it will be so much better when you met someone that really appreciate your goals, support you no matter how bad it is or how impossible it is.

I learned that i need to stand on my ground and trust the people that can be trusted. If you found someone that can be trusted, never lose faith on them. If someone lets you down one time, there will be the thousandth time.

I learned that the more i live my life, the less i wrote about this blog. I keep this blog as a journal. I was sad every time i wrote a post in this blog. But i don't feel that sad more often. I do want people out there that doesn't even interact with me read this journal and felt the change of the way they are thinking. I want to know that. And i know that i can't stop writing when i do it.

I don't know where to stop. So i always end it like this.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

The Smell of Coffee and Breakfast

We're scared in some transitions in life
I can't sleep and i lit up my cigars
This is the last time i ever touched the cigars
Since i came back again when i started working
But, this day is the last time i ever work in that office

I will miss my surroundings, the people around, and the routine
At least good bye for now.

I'm sad so sad that i don't want to sleep and going on to the next day
I don't want to leave that office
I don't even want to walk away
But, i need to keep on going with life.

I keep being an ass on my last few days in that office
I don't want to stare their faces
I hate them instantly
But, they have become a part of my life.

I will be feeling this way until sometime in the future
And keep going on with my life
I let the wound bleed and dries when the air let it dries naturally
Rather than put a bandaid and see the scar for the rest of my life.

I thank them for being a part of my life,
And thank them for letting me to be a part of their life
At least, farewell for now.

Good bye

Saturday, September 14, 2013

You Are That Special

There's nothing frightening about when you met people and you learned to get acquainted  to them,
get used to their behavior, get to know them better.
Theres nothing frightening knowing that they can leave you someday, sometime, some way.
They took those memories from you, those moments from you, a part of your life away.
It's not frightening if that happens.

You get those memories, love, and affection that you deserve,
And no one can understand those as you do.
You are that special for being loved by someone and you are special to love someone.
Even if that they someday leave you, it's just that... You both are just not meant to be
Not because it is not destined to be.
But it is the series of your behavior and choices within life.
It's your call, your decision.
You need to know that once you met someone in your life you've got to be prepared for when they leave you.
Never be afraid when you love someone, or someone loves you back.
You are that special.

Friday, August 9, 2013

There's a thin mistaken line between Fate and Luckiness

As the time goes by i learned that i am not the selectee nor am i destined to be with someone
Nothing in this world make a statement that we're destined to be with someone, doing something, be at one particular place or something made the arrangement for us for been at some particular place.
We as human has made the choice, decided to be somewhere, and desired to be with someone.
Fate itself just did it's role as a form of your name, your parents, and where you were borned.
You can't change that.
That was 3 things that fate gave us
Place where you were born. You can't choose where you were born like picking a clothes that you like. You can't change that either. Only with some legal paper but it is inevitable that the origin of you were.

Parents, yes you can't choose them either. You can't choose with whom you were raised and get acquainted to. You can't choose some cool rockstar that lived somewhere in Hollywood or somewhere in the middle of nowhere. You are here, with some money to access internet with your cool phones and quite lucky to have all of that.

Name, because it's inevitable that you were born with a designated name. You can't ask your parents to pick some cool name for you. Sadly, no.

But yes, other than that 3 were you choice. It's your call, your effort. Yes you can change that.

Friday, August 2, 2013

The Victory, The Rush

People forgiving each other
The roads are crowded
People came back to their homes with their families inside their head
The roads are crowded so does the air. It's full of noises
People are outside their homes. Celebrating what they call it as "the Victory"

People are inside their homes just to gather with their loved ones or just simply getting their time.
People are busy with their phones or just watching Raging Chopper Man in Discovery Turbo
People don't know how to spend their time with their loved ones
Or just fixing the stuttering words on their numb tongues.
People are numb just like their tongues
And people are dumb not to show love to their loved ones

Monday, July 22, 2013

Why Does Your Eyes Flickering Like Crazy When The Rockets Struck Your Eyes

I think i like someone. . .

She's not that good nor bad. She's the way she is. She is the one i think when i close and open my eyes. She's the one that makes my heart races.
Making straight faces, fooling around, and talk to for hours.
She's the one that keeps telling me that I'm the best when i did the worst.
She is the one, that hugs me shameless just to make me smile.
She is the one, that hugs me shameless
She's the one, that hugs me
She's the one

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Level 42

I love my Dad for introducing me to this band
He always listens to great tunes when i was still in the elementary school
Bread, Level 42, The Eagles, Deep Purple, The Zombies, Tee Set, Joe Cockers, The Bee Gees, George Benson, Ozzy and stuff.
He is heavy to rock and Jazz
love it


Couple of weeks ago i heard about the band Mew coming to town. I always like them, and always been adoring them. I don't know why i feel this way. Why am i afraid of the thought of watching them. Why should i? Why the most favorite sounds in my life that have been bringing me this way have to make me afraid of enjoying them. Why should i?
Why am i afraid of listening to them all this time? I don't know why.

I remember the last time everyone asked me to watch them live. I didn't
and hearing them coming is never make me this nervous, afraid at the same time.
I don't know why.

Is this because when you listens to some songs and the tunes brings back a lot of memories in one single song, sounds, and beats or am i just simply nervous.
I faced a lot of things that make me nervous. I don't think that this is nervous.
I think this is something else.

Or may be this is the stage of when you left behind a lot of old things, put it in a box, and trying to forget it, and somethings remind you about the old things that you left behind.

I've been trying to forget my past, and what I've done a couple of years back.
I don't want to remember them nothing at all.
But i think it's useless.

Don't you think when you have no history, then you've become something that can't make a history. Something that can't left a mark in a history of the world. Like a tiger died, withers and left the marks. Like an elephant that dies, left the tusk.
We are all do wan't to be remembered that way.

Actually, I've lost my vibes and interest in new things.
Is this what it's called growing up.
You left the complicated things, and start on with a simpler things. Left the complicated things, and you move onto the activity, and stuff that helps you going through life.

What life is exactly, what it is suppose to mean?
I recently saw a videos about Extra Terrestrial being has been working with the Canadian government, and always believe that aliens exist. I mean. What they called as genie, and spirits could be them. I mean come on people.
We're too selfish to say that we're living alone in the whole universe. We can't be really alone in the goddamn universe and i believe that was true.

too tired. I'm done

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Random Tunes is On! Soundcloud, 10:17 AM, and 'That' Cute Girl Laugh

I like meeting new people, working with them, and knew how the way they think. It's like a palette. You combine distinctive colors into one harmonious painting. Spoke itself as one meaning. Like the sounds you hear. The drums roll, the guitar strum, thumping bass, human voice became a glorious song.

You meet different people from different backgrounds work as one with one goal. How sweet it is for a lover. How they came from different human beings, and met, agreed in one same goal. Work harmonious, support each other, complete each others words while the other lost it's words.

But meeting new people sometimes harder when not everyone you met doesn't open to new people.
When you meet new people, and you felt afraid, and judged them before you don't even try to know them. How horrible way to treat people when we live in one earth, and need to socialize. Because we are social beings.

I need to stop now. Lotta works ahead

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Rimshots are for The Jazzy Soul

Some people came with the gifted ability of communicating
some people are meant with with someone
it's all written on the stars
The stars collided and made a new ration every cycles

Some people are meant to be together,
some people has their crawling value
and they stick with losers.

Life ain't getting better with a couch, TV, and Pop Corns
it gets better with Blood, Sweat, and Tears
you've got to remember the spinning wheel
it goes around

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Are you busy because he was. Oh don't really mind it busy is his middle name

Today's topic is about recognition. Recognition from family, people around you, larger area, and for every single people wants is the world.
I know someone who have no feeling at all. Never say tired nor exhausted she always do things with all the devotion of her mind and body. Something bothers me when she talks about her profession she always think that being a doctor is a must and she'll struggle doing that no matter what. "This is for my mother and father" she said. "This is my attempt to make them proud" i respect that.

Another one is someone i know really close, whom happens to have a lawyer father. He promised his father one day that he'll be greater lawyer than him and i always want to see him rise to the sky and when he pops out on the TV i could said "That's my friend" . But he was mistaken about what he wants, he wasn't sure about what  he wants up until last year. He's studying art in Bandung now, and his dad very proud of him.

What happens in those two stories are sometimes we are mistaken about what we feel and what we really want. Sometimes we are mistaken about why, and what. Sometimes we are mistaken about possessing and loving, sometimes we are not sure about what we really, really feel but if we follow our emotion, it might drives you to the wrong path.

Sometimes i heard my close friends that made high salary and whining about how much they hate what they are doing since when first he decided to go to college, he doesn't really know what we want. He wants to be recognized by his family because he can really manage to do it. He's accountant graduate, but his passion is to draw and design.

I was mistaken for a year to be a doctor. But i don't want to wake up in mid 30's and wondering "Holy shit why am i being a doctor!" i don't want to regret of something that I've been struggling and found out some years later that i don't like, have any passion in, love the thing that I'm working on. When i struggle hard to like something, that's when i said to myself "This isn't your thing". It's okay to fail some subjects, just keep focus on what you like and what you love and people will recognize you from what you are able to do.

Happy finals my friends!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Deer thorn's on the hallway. Oh that's young Steve's!

Intimidation of intimacy consumes the very core of myself. I have wondered why it fades away is it by the wind or the sound of your voice. You're the one to blame for this state of unsolicited desires, voiceless screams, crying heart. Vaguely wanderer I am or am I?