Foolish Agony

Hello My Name Is... Lonely

2012-02-13T09:32:00.000-08:00

Fall in love is such a strong emotion, such a strong feeling
and yet devastating
losing your ego, and two people two different personalities become one.
I'm not sure i can afford that anymore
losing myself into someone
ego fades
bodily relationship seems easier

Ain't easy in solitude after being together

When i really got no one to talk
When i don't have any more place to go
When everyone seems having more fun than myself

Vintage Tron I Thought Was Never Coming

2012-01-09T11:44:00.000-08:00

Like i never expect this box came out of nowhere at my house. I have no hope that this box will coming and i thought i was being tricked by this ebay guy that i've been giving my rude words.

S. Allard i'm so sorry for the accusation

It was about May I've ordered vintage Tomy Tron via ebay for $250 and $50 shipping. I was a huge money waster that time.

US Postal service work in slow motion. 7 months people!

This is an ultra rare Tron Toys since this toys is the first production. Every character has been sold of 5000 piece each.

All the toys that had arrived. They might be breathing fresh air now

It was brought together of all the plastic figurine but i missed one. Flynn

82's fastest bike (virtually)

And the other light cycle which was orange

Sark. MCP's right hand. (I guess MCP's left hand is occupied)

Warrior. The Troops

And the Tron itself

I'm very happy with the arrival of this toys. Now i'm going to find another toys to complete them

A Pleasure To Meet You

2012-01-09T11:16:00.000-08:00

Foggy weather
Raindrop
and all i do was driving down the road. It was one of the worst road of traffic jam near my house. I was driving but my mind wasn't on the passing vehicle rather towards a hollow gaze.

"I wanted her... I wanted her But she doesn't like the life that i lead"

I feel so hollow, i'm starving and in thirst. All i want to do is let out something irrelevant to a value in a inexplicably result of tears. Streaming down as i watch a raindrop make a passage on my windshield.

"Doesn't like a sand stuck on her feet. Or sitting around smoking weed"

Nothing goes according to plan. None of the prayers are answered and no one really listened. I don't want to cause any trouble to you. It was a proper invitation and the boldest i've ever done. It made me happy... Only a reply for a coffee

"And i boast that it is meant to be, but in all honesty"

The affirmative was written on the message and something has ballet me down all the way for several minutes. Yes stupid... We all are when in love. A total happiness fills my throat all i could do is smiled, and yelled. "Yea if only i have a time for my self also i would say yes. i'll holla" she replied

"I don't have a hope in hell I'm happy just to watch her move"

It was all happiness remembering that time until now, and remembering how the first time i walk closer to you after hundred days of observed you from afar. Finally i came to you and told you how i always see you in the other branch of this book store. She asked me did i saw her often from the later place. And i said yes. We were in touch.

"And in all honesty"

One evening i embrace myself and right away i messaged you, are you in for a coffee. And the day changed on the following morning it was all the things i've stated before. All in one piece. Like you want to shout and laugh at the same time. You want to cry and laugh at the same time. And yet you are sad since you can't do much than expressing it and no one really understand you at that state.

"I don't have a hope in hell I'm happy just to watch her move"

The affirmative stated followed by a statement of notification towards myself when she set the desired time of event to happen. The sung of love, happiness was a friend for me at that time and nothing more i really want than waiting.

"and I thought they could cure his disease"

Waiting for something i really want, and i always adore of. Waiting for something that never come. Something that wouldn't really happened until the day i saw you gave poems about what love is in a form of a person and how ridiculous she was without that person significantly as a car and wheel, pedophile and a van, and Chaplin without his moustache. Funny she said mustache since i grew mine for a time.

"but in all honesty"

The sung of love and happiness used to be my friend but now they translated as bullshit. Expectation of every incoming Friday, and Saturday was completely thrown away. All i do is playing video games. I don't really want to do something. Maybe not for now.

"He didn't have a hope in hell"

She have been having a boyfriend as i waiting for your 'holla'. Well i really got nothing to say about it.

"Now we'll never see him move"

a Kiss a Hug... But what does it mean?

2011-12-31T12:34:00.000-08:00

New year's not as i expected but it went smoothly without conflicts

i see this year's celebration as something flat
i hope i was somewhere far... Somewhere... Anywhere but here
but i didn't go there not even trying to

i was hoping a lot for today...
Yet i hope nothing more than this

I know that all of this will be happen

I want to be with you

I am tired...

Please just be mine

I heard 'I Would Do Anything for You' on my way home

"Oo la love, I’ve fallen in love, and it’s better this time than ever before Oo la love, I’ve fallen in love, and it’s better this time than I’ve ever known"

I guess it's the best song for that moment until i realize i was in a chaos of the living things and routine
I was in bed crying
and realize how pathetic it is longing someone to care about me
i realize this is the most pathetic feeling

But i believe sometimes when you bleed you don't need to put a bandage on it immediately. Sometimes you need to let it bleed and dry itself

Video of New Year Fireworks Around My aunt's apartement

Gesundheit

2011-12-18T11:28:00.000-08:00

I want to cry. But what i did was crying inside. It hurts

Eyeglasses

2011-12-05T10:48:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting this type of specs since it looks like Steve Jobs but i completely blew the purpose of being myself does it? Or it doesn't?

I've been wanting a new specs, since the measurements has changed i think. It gone higher since all those writing on the whiteboard had been blurred.

But i also want thick eyeglasses since it makes me looked more whatever.

What do you think?

Ma Belle Amie

2011-12-05T10:46:00.000-08:00

I miss us!

There's no more us'

since there's just YOU and I

Faggy Suit!

2011-12-05T10:37:00.000-08:00

Hello,

you out there i still have this butterflies on my tummies when i see you

i have this feeling that have been screaming when i talk to you.

Every single time

Since it was some time i gave a hint

and afraid it would completely blew off the friendliness between us

maybe all these sounds faggy to you

i can't do anything about this

It hurts

But if this a wound i'll let it bleed and dried by the air

i wan't to say that i care about you and i love you but

not in a romantic way

in a friendly way.

If you read this.

and you get a hint

I love you as my friend

Clouds, And Everything In Between

2011-12-05T10:29:00.000-08:00

Hello this is an open letter to you out there and you know to whom this is referring to

i know you're sad and upset but it's not always me to blame

see the answer within yourself what made me be in this way

and what made you feel uncomfortable when I'm in this state.

I know you hate me, convince me all you can that you feeling another way

i knew this day will come and i knew you will disagree to all the things i said.

I hate you for being completely rude, impolite and never show some respect without you knowing it completely.

You hated me for left you like that

and to love someone forever is the biggest lie.

and I'm not making you hate me more

but I'm sick of being the person i shouldn't be

Happy living your life

I'm happy living mine

I've Been Missing to Play Drums

2011-12-05T10:09:00.000-08:00

This should be the most usual state for myself to make a post. I just feel like to but I'm also stucked in this little chaos in my head that destroys and obscuring for what i should do and not.

This should be the most uncomfortable moment and yet the fastest time slipping moment of my days. I heard songs and they felt like an ingredients to myself. It's the concrete of a building, and sands to shores.

I'm hearing Tame Impala's Why Won't You Make Up Your Mind. I feel lonely. So lonely while i know there's two of my siblings beside me, one shared room with me and the other one suddenly came in and asked for my Tempur since he got bitten by fleas from his matt.

I hate my sofa bed it's hard. But it's my throne to be on the sofa bed since it fits just to one person and It's only me.

I'm hearing to Tame Impala since it reminds me of that time. Of that concerts. It was my closest encounter to you. It absolutely the most craziest time of my adolescent years. I don't quite frankly think it's adolescent to be exact it might refers to "Young Adult" as it stated to recently closed Wiki page.

I know listening to Tame Impala have been making me in this type of confusion, drunkenness, and blue. But It's okay baby i like it this way.

Being the most honest people to myself is the most biggest achievements that i could accomplish to myself. I felt weightless and problem less as i usually avoid conflicts in my daily life but looking for conflicts and keep reminding me to make one in every single possible way is the best thing that ever happened to me in years of my life.

Being truly honest of what i really want to and what I'm feeling has been helping me going through hard times. In instance when i thought i really like chemist in fact i drool a lot on chemist is the biggest lie to myself. Being able to accept yourself knowing it's abilities and disabilities is the best thing that you can do. Since every individual are created in their own way. If you can't understand one thing, why do you have to be so shy if other people think you're stupid? You're not stupid when you're asking. But it's worse when you don't know and you're keeping it to yourself.

Keep making mistakes ;)

'I Wake Up Every Day Stare At The Mirror And Ask Myself If This Is The Last Day I Live Would I Do This?'

2011-11-04T10:12:00.000-07:00

This started by a video that i watched after the death of Steve Jobs the CEO of Apple Computers

It's about 3 things that he passed in his life. The video itself made a long time ago when Steve Jobs is on his best health. The message for me was simply interpreted to live the life the way i like it to, the way i wan't it to be. Don't ever let people say what i did was wrong and always have a faith to what I'm doing. Believe that it will be useful someday even things that i usually ignore.

The problem is I always afraid of doing things wrongly just because when i did, I'm afraid people would think that i am not as brainy as they do. Which i believe caused a slowly decreasing self development.

I bought a comic somewhere that stated a genius wouldn't stop after a little struck of lightning. Like when someone push a button and got struct by electricity and they would avoid the button since it hurts. Genius think otherwise when they pressed the button they are eager what caused the electricity struct.

comfort kept us in a secure castle

like a king felt secured by thousands of his soldier

I feared that I'm not being the person that people wants me to be but I feared more that I'm not being someone that i should become.

I started to do things wrongly, not really care about people opinion about myself as long i think I'm doing the right thing for myself. Keep doing things like i want to without avoiding the consequences. Doing things out of my comfort zone where the things are out of my control like i always did. Controlling every aspect of my life, i wanted it perfect i want all the things i have was maintained steady. But i found void when i was at that state, it felt the city were too small for me. No more new places to go, and nothing more i could do to simply pleased myself.

I am pretty pleased for these past weeks that i've been passed for doing the wrong things. I didn't do my homework according to my friends works. I did it according to me and if i did messed up, i could learn gradually from that. I keep reminding myself at anytime any places any thing i should decide. Always follow my heart to whatever i think i should do, or chose.

Doing things wrongly but doing it the right way doesn't count as doing it. Giving you the best thing at the current time for you is the sign of insecurities.

This morning i did something wrong. I was at the gym and there's a cute yoga teacher was teaching her class. I really want to open the door and shout "I love you!" but no! I didn't wish i was. I did it! She came to the door and did the 'zip it' gesture. I know in some people's opinion, i shouldn't do that but hey a little lightning struct wouldn't hurt you! ;)

Don't let shame take over your personal development as one person.

Here's the video. It might change your mind also

LSD

2011-10-30T09:57:00.000-07:00

image courtesy of Shida Aruya - http://shidaaruya.blogspot.com

I went out for a touch of fun...

some money to burn...

and a band to be heard...

It was Tame Impala playing that night. I don't know what am i doing but i was there. I acquainted all of the songs for just 2 days and memorize all of the melodies lyrics naturally. It was 3 days before the show i told my friend that i got crack if she wanted some. She told me that she'll have something that she called acid. I don't know what kind of acid or how bad it would knock you

down so i said

"Give me some"

she said "Alright i'll give you some".

I went there alone with the best outfit i could put on that night it looks magnificent in my eyes although it just a plain white tshirt, and jeans. I put on my sailor hat that i recently bought from eBay that looks perfect in collaboration with the mustache i grown for quite a while. I looked like a real sailor only without pipe and boat.

I got there 2 hours earlier before the band started playing. I drove my car there and all clean, parked my car at the nearest place, and walked to in front of the gate. I talked with the ticket scalper about things that i should put attention in life and essential things on looking for a girl. It was where the weirdness started since the conversation going to what girls would do for you if you look in certain way and a lot of things that quite strange for a light conversation. Then i spot my friend i called her name several times and she was looking at me but her friend thought that she was hallucinating so i met her again at the same place another minutes difference. I started the conversation called her name and she said

"Hey!"

"Hey i bring along the weeds with me"

'Really? I'm already high though.. haha save it"

"What is that? Gimme one!"

"I'll give you later haha!"

Then we were separated and all but i met her in the gig, it was a club but with a big stage on the front. The surroundings was unimportant and what's on my mind was her, and the drug. I met her again in the crowd in a half shouting

"Where's mine!"

"Shhhhh....!" *look around "Alrite follow me"

i followed her upon the toilet door and she came back with a guy and laughed about something. And she said

"Come!"

"Yay!"

and we were back in the crowd again with her friends. She pulled the palm of my hand like about to read my palm, but she point something in the middle of my palm and said
"Here put this in your tongue until it disappear.."

"What?"

"I mean until it dissolves"

"I can't see anything"

"it's a paper"

"I can't see it"

*she took something from my palm and said

"Say aah!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH~"

She put a paper in my mouth and it tasted like paper. Nothing happened but i kept the paper in the middle of my tongue.

The first band playing was chk chk chk (!!!) the music thumping like it's louder than before, all the things in the building rattled as the band started. It felt gradually good. Until i danced myself a little bit. Damn it's good...

Chk Chk Chk was off and my body rattled as i calm myself. I smiled, and i got to laugh since it tickles from the inside but i didn't need to laugh it felt like the longest wait in my life until Tame Impala came out. I introduce myself to my surroundings, i was in a bunch of cool people in a flash. Like we know each other from a long time ago but not really long time. I know you just now but i have a strong bond between you and me and all the people around me. It was ages until Tame Impala came out.

The guitarist played the chord, band started playing. Boom! Everyone shouted and had fun. I've never heard such a beautiful sounds like this in my life. It was beyond something your sensory receive as so called sounds. All the lights came out like gigantic eagle wings flapped, sway like it gave you a breeze of something wonderful. Everything was beyond normal and a shift of happiness into another shape of peaceful state of mind. My body wasn't stop moving like it should have been like that before. I don't care about tomorrow and the moment before and after this present time. I just know bunch of people and we own the place.

I turn my head right, i saw my friend's friend, i turn my head back i saw my friend and i wave, she wave back. It was an ocean of sounds. But the room was strong enough to handle it. Song after song, i don't care it kept changing but well everyone under the influence of dope own the place. I don't need to sing i don't want to put another note to this never ending sounds and guitar screech.

It was fun i met bunch of old friends, i felt wiser and in control for a while, and i tried myself to control the drug effect i succeed but the music was really hard to resist. I can't stop smiling. I am in the peak of peaceful mind. Until the band talk about stuff i don't really care since i want the wonderful music keep playing.

1 hours felt like it was nothing like an hour. Time distorted, vision twisted, and music was the only thing that you couldn't resist. I drove there but i'm not sure if i can hit home if i'm in this condition. I told my friend that i can't go home she said
"You're driving! Fuck i told you it was a serious thing!"

"I know"

"Serious seriously!"

"Yeah"

it was serious but i kept smiling

"I can't get home unless someone drive me home"

"Fuck!"

"Where your house at?"

"Slipi"

"Fuck you!"

I saw her face she was pissed

i said "No no I'm alrite i got friends out there that could drive me home"

"Okay"

"I don't know what to do right now please remind me"

"Just call me or text me if something happens"

"I don't have your number"

she looked pissed one more time. And i gave her my phone i asked her number

"Here"

"Alrite thankyou! I'll let you know"

"Yeah"

But no i went out looking for my friend that wasn't there. And i don't have anywhere else to go that saver than anywhere else. It was MY CAR. I started the engine, and turn the air conditioner on. It was super weird. I breath heavily, and started to drive around. I thought it'll be easy to drive home. But it's not an easy thing. Everything distorted, my vision couldn't stay in one frame and numbness slowly take over my body but magically my car still going in a steady speed. I was so nervous about got pulled over by police, and i could possibly gone to jail. But i kept my car going in a steady speed and breath regularly.

Until i had a thought that i was driving in my imagination and what i saw wasn't real. But i think all of it was realistic. I pulled over several times and binged a lot of air, release it fast. But it didn't help my feet was so numb but still the car kept moved in a steady speed. The closer my home is, the harder it gets for me to drive. Everything still distorted. I passed the road i usually take when i get home until i get to in front of the gate of my home. I saw another car on where i should put my car. It was the difficult thing i should do while i was struggling to drove home. I do it slowly but hard because i can't feel my legs, and so i put succeeded doing it.

I went here and there before i got to my bed, i changed clothes wash my face and lay on my bed breathing heavily. I can't sleep. I could hear the songs and all of the sounds remixed my my head like it was the best remix i had ever heard. I kept worrying about the car that i couldn't parked properly like i used to and i kept looking at my phones. I beg my friend to reply me so i know i'm doing alrite

"Could you reply me so i know i'm okay?"

she replied "Hey ur okay"

i calm myself for a while,

The songs, the thoughts and the fear of the thought of my friend would avoid me was keep going on in my mind and can't stop. I curled in agony for hours. It was horrible and frightening at the same time

I slept for some minutes and awaken several times from 3:00AM to 6:15 AM . Until i finally too tired and had fallen asleep on the morning.

I told the story my sister and she laughed about it. So i think it was something to laugh for

I'm still under the influence of the drug while I'm writing this.

P.S: Help Me...

2011-10-23T09:11:00.001-07:00

College life was frustrating, i do failed in 2 classes. I drooled on a lot of subjects. And i got to beat them all i got to accomplish all of the subjects with good grades. I hope what I'm aiming will got a bullseye.

Have you ever felt alone yet you know you're surrounded by the people you know, the closest people that you loved to be around your spouse or the environment that you familiar with. Like you think you should do something bigger than this but you don't know how to do the leap or the leap was too risky till you can't risk what you have gotten now into a void. Like you know you're in a middle of something that you shouldn't do, like your inner self think that you should GO AWAY! Well I'm in the middle of that feeling. I don't know what was that or what to do but i hope something will help me figure this out. Like i know something big will come. I know i can do something big but haven't figure it out. Yet.

Routine kills creativity. Creativity doesn't need routine

I hope i can figure this out...

P.S: help me

Dim The Lights and You're The Spotlight

2011-10-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

I've done a lot of unusual things. I'm no longer as patient as i usually do, i no longer do things in order, i don't make an impression to peoples. I live my live as i am, as i should. I usually tell people not to hear peoples opinion. I actually do care about it and it bugs me but not lately.

I do hear them but i take it as one way opinion "Okay i take that as what you think. But i don't think like your way". Like i get the hint of living. Like people should know me as i am. No persona. No mask hiding. I am me as me.

I don't care what would people think of me, and do people will take me as i am?

I'm more like this is me take me as i am or watch me as i go.

this is weird and new but

i do aware of "what goes around come back around"

Sure It Was Okay... But You're Being a Bitch

2011-09-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

I got a funny story when i was watching Alesana this night. Actually i got a little bit upset since i didn't get anything sort of their stuff like things they threw after the show or during the show but well I've been waiting Alesana since like 6 years ago. Thanks to whoever behind Lian Mipro

I came there by myself and met another 2 people Andin and Radit but we were separated when we entered the venue. The first thing came out was Set Your Goals which i don't really know anything of the super energetic show that they bring. Two songs has passed which sounds very similar from one to another i took several pics of them in case someone likes them i could afford some pics from my Canon Powershot A1200 i just bought it from the last time i went to Singapore. I was looking for a pocket camera and I was holding my blackberry, and i searched "best budget camera" on the Google it directed to cnet.com and directed to a page which shown rank based the balance between value and feature. I got money for my birthday so why not buying it something that might be useful and something that i always want but not really crucial. Something that we always forget but something we always remember when we do things. Pop i bought it for Sin$155 easy dealio! I like it so much!

Back to the concert Alesana is on the stage i spent 4 first songs at the back of the venue, behind the moshing people. I really wanted to have fun till i put my phone and my beanie on Andin's leather bag. And then i rushed to the moshing pit, then hooked on the front row.

I sang and shout there. Took some pic and videos. Until i realize that Dennis Lee the screamer was about to jump. Sure he jumped off the stage onto the crowd. Unfortunately the crowd isn't really cramped on the place where he directed to. The next thing i know was his hand landed on my nose, and his body landed beside me unstable until he fell on my body because i hug him of course lol that is fuckin hillarious... It's a lie if there's no evident but did you remember what i said? I was about to take a pic when he jump towards me so i accidentally took a pic

Then of course i hold to him like I was holding onto a ship. Until my specs fell off and i should been looking for it. I realease The Screamer, and i got my specs and try to stand up again. I took my camera out of my pocket, aim toward Dennis and the next thing i knew i got this pic

He gave me a thumb! Suuuure! Nooo problem dude! Hahahaha

After all, Alesana was awesome I've been waiting Alesana like ages. I think 6 years or so. They been my favorite band since i know them, i did cover of Alesana songs on full band and I've been listening to them, and my style and everything. Thank You Alesana for coming to Indonesia. I hope we can be good friend :)

It Won't End Here. But Somewhere Around That Sea

2011-08-25T10:35:00.001-07:00

It's been a little while since the last time i wrote in this blog

well... I didn't write this blog as often as i was before

It's been a really long journey I'd been cruising with someone i know really close

i really enjoy the company but it was me that doesn't want co pilot for a moment

that's the short story

The long story started from the day i was tangled with college life, the hectic, and madness. In college life it was different, a whole new thing from a place where we used to go every morning and got nothing from the whole day as we known called "school". Where the pupils are more clever in scribbling table than their book. Where all you can think is going home.

College is a whole different thing, it's all up to you. It's all depend on you. You want good scores? Study hard. If not, never miss class and talk with your friends. It works well for you

I gone to gym lately, i entered the gym as slinky guy, and 3 months later i got bigger and healthier. I got muscles here and there, and i looked better. The reason i hit gym was because when i was highscool i hit 91 KGs and 2 years later i ran around my complex every single morning and in a strict diet. Which is wrong. I reduce my intake so obviously i thought it'll totally drain my weight a lot. And it did! The good news. But in the bad news when i was reducing my intake, i got less energy for my body to carry on the day. I got this situation where you feel not strong enough and you would easily faint yourself. It wasn't good I'm telling you. I have no clue why people reduce their intake, and they purge it all where do they get the energies? How could they think? Where's the nutrition? How their hormones work?

I really don't get it

And i wasn't in a relationship anymore it's not that i found someone new as listed in my Facebook i was in a relationship with Rossie Huntington-Whiteley. But things were different, i want nothing to consider when i was studying, i want nothing to consider when i was having fun or let my thoughts flew. I want my own space for no apparent reason. I want all the feeling i used to feel, the thoughts i used to think, and i want my personal space expanded throughout the globe. I want it selfishly. But it was at first when it all happen i thought it was just me that feeling that way. But my significant other told me the same thing. That she would do the same thing to this relationship. The difference was just timing. I did it sooner

This is briefly the longest ever I've been in a relationship. I don't think i could do the same thing like this twice. I might be fooling around, with some girls, have fun, and enjoy the every bit of my youth. I believe this time wont come back. So i lived my life to whatever state i entered. I took it to the level where people don't enjoy them as much as i do. I appreciate little things, I put attention to details, and i met new peoples. I smile very often. This break up wasn't easy. But i know i will gone through it

I believe the people around me, i met, i love, i care about, i know, i didn't were the people who make my personality this way. Those are the people who make me a person. The people that make me Marco Adriaansz as Marco Adriaansz itself

Try Me and You'll Know Who's Better At Stalking Each Other

2011-07-30T11:02:00.000-07:00

I got my friend on my side for a walk

instead of taking her to nice dinner, i took her to the art exhibition

at first she told me that she is eager what to see there

but i know it's not her thing to see this kind of show

i notice her slight face changes

here..

there..

and she started to complain how bad this painting, and how weird that sculpture is

she keeps talking about how we could just had a wine and talk about what's new or talking about beautiful things

but then she can't take it anymore so i she wanted to go to a coffee shop afterwards which i did

i see discomfort and disappointment drawn on her face

she looked like a cracked dam that just need a plunge of force to the crack and be pouring

she started will "Well, ..."

and she continue with complaints after complains of the unfortunate

The thing is, it's about how people remember, memorize you, keep you in mind

you don't have to be perfect to cause a change to someone's life

you don't have to be that formal to be attached to someone's thought

a weird lyrics that make you feel funny because they seem been forced to be there

a weird note on a song

how bad a band is

and how perfect you make a song

Do all the things that you feel like you need to do

Is makes you what you are, and the way is to show them what are you made of

show them how epic the theatre of your mind

i believe you'll do so

Sincerely, me

Beads down the stream of eye

2011-07-25T21:38:00.000-07:00

It's excruciating how i see your pics and you remind me of every single piece of myself

i can see my face in your face

and how people say we look identical

how the kisses was just memories

and caress might just pass by

secrets and lies

complains and argues

How the hugs occurs for a moment

and taken away by the time itself

bed time talks

good mornings on my eyes

morning meal together

Trips and plans

butterfly and kite

that house

on a hill

silent..

and peaceful..

might be realized

whoever it is

So long..

Smithsonian Red Flags for One White Turkey Bottle

2011-05-20T11:43:00.000-07:00

I don't have any interest into fashion and not having the extra money to
i think what looks good is when i saw the mirror and everything looks safely collided
i like to use jeans the heavily ripped one and repaired skinny jeans that comfier after i'm joining gym
i thought i've passed just fine but i didn't i failed in one of my subject

I thought i've given all i got but i didn't
all this time i didn't do it for myself, i'm doing it for somebody else
that's where i think there's a weight obliged to me

Sometimes i wonder to myself why can't i get a good score, doing just fine at school, and get semester fee discount. I have no fucking idea as i grumbled like oil on water
why can't i be more how much effort that i should put into till i'd be just fine
i remember that time i'm looking towards my lecturer his voice filling the room he mentioned about integrals and differentials, but the voices in my head were louder

I can't help my mouth saying random things to my neighbor just a chit chat and chuckles, one chuckles and i realize my smile curve has straighten up as i heard the voices from my lecture going towards me and hand me a black Snowman marker he said

"Solve the third problem"

i nodded i asked the person in my back to quick taught me on that number. As he explained i catch just a stutter of what he mean, what it suppose to understand and i hate myself more. But then i doesn't last long, i manage understanding that more and go to the board wrote it up.

Expert said "People will be happier if they put their effort towards easy things that they like, that made studying even more fun because they put no effort on liking it, but concentrate on making it better" kinda make me rethink about possibilities. I always like to fix things i like to make things better

I do thought about being a music producer but i was wrong. I do think that music is my passion but it sometimes can't beat the feeling of owning something new, some toys, new present, new car, new earrings, new bag, new bike, new mobile phone, new technology.

I paddle the chair mated with cycle cardio exercise tool, i read my eBooks. TVs and other almost 20 to 30 same thing surrounds me, the TVs showing news MTV and other informative channel. I saw a girl behind me and i wonder what does she think when she ran, does she thinking the same thing as me like manage breathing, add more speed or thinking about the show that Star World showing “Don't Stop Believing" and never ending choir singing in my head every time i saw that title. But i know what i will do, i always know it will happen. If my friend said "Don't worry to dream big because God heard" i'd better say "Don't worry to dream big, because when you dream, your every action leads you toward that dream" hmm fair enough.

I know that someday there will be an Electronic Device company that delivers the originality, characteristic, that will represent it own brand. Like when i said Sony you will know how Sony's electronic devices shaped. It's obvious like my mom knows the difference between Hermes bag and YSL. They both bag but there must be a characteristic at each bag. I know that the multinational company will grow and will be big. Mostly i want it to represent Indonesia. It will be a challenge at that day to grow a product that fulfill the nationwide need of electronic appliances and yet still have it's own superb quality. Damn sick!

I know someday i will laugh about this writing, but someday i will know that this is the start of big things that will happen. Please smile, and enjoy your time. Remember to sip some tea, and enjoy the quality of your morning pancake

Sincerely, younger you

A Sip of Coffee and Thousands of Pill

2011-05-04T15:19:00.000-07:00

Since i read the happiness project i have bring back my old habit

i've bring my sudden change attitude and i gone to gym too

because i have a flabby tummy i think i have to solve my problem one by one

i will get rid of my flabby tummy since it has been loyal to me since i was in mid school

so i decided a sudden change. A big change rather than just running.

And i have another habit that is kind of shock me as well that is rehearsing the subjects i've been studying at campus, preparing for upcoming assignments and tests. I think this is my current happiness project

i will gradually make another project as time i'm reading the book

Achtung

2011-05-04T15:17:00.000-07:00

i shouldn't be awake right now since i got a lot of things to do tomorrow
do you guys have a sleeping problem cure? Because it's been 4 years i've been having this thing

Pottery Rest

2011-05-03T10:47:00.000-07:00

I used a lot of internet things

plurk

twitter

tumblr

but i like it here

it's not being conservative

but i like it here

silent

peaceful

reminder

of who i am

and a lot of things i've been through

bits and pieces

2011-05-03T10:39:00.001-07:00

"I'm begging you

don't close your eyes, don't ever sleep

don't ever leave me even for a second

because i miss you too much"

Now I Remember To Stretch Out The Pain

2011-05-03T10:37:00.000-07:00

straight from the gibraltar strait to the fire
the chemical that change you
the remedy that will help you breathe
a sweep of of paintbrush into the canvass
black and yellow,
spotlight, darkness
and dusts

I Miss My Self. When The Color Speaks

2011-05-03T10:30:00.000-07:00

as it strike i want us both on the floor
i want that light stumble upon
i see you here
ride the lights toward you
i know you're that way
you're across the sea
anodyne passes the opposite way back of the hand
i embrace the very unsteady self of me
i welcome you back
please stay
things will be better if you were here

Lung, Passages, I Need You

2011-05-03T10:26:00.000-07:00

I realize a lot of things has changed along the years. From the first time i'm writing things in the blogspot
My english is a lot better, and it's more in order
I like to call it my frame: The frame that i saw when i was writing down blog entries
i've said bye bye to my white MacBook
I like that Laptop but it's too heavy

I like my new MacBook Air. It feels like a dream since the first time i got this laptop. I.Just.Like to call it that way. LAPTOP

a lot of things has changed,
i miss my old style of writing "consisting a dense of a rock solid" where do they gone

I like my words every single thing i wrote here, no matter it was true or false , right or wrong i like it
i like every single thing on the internet. tumblr, twitter, plurk
but there's no other thing beats the feeling when i write here
i feel a lot of people can read what im writing
i feel i am just a part of living that pointed on a world surface
like i believe someone out there reading this blog and understands

a lot of things changed
i'm no longer skeptical about love
i know i'm not sure about it so i made my own definition towards the word that we never learned the exact meaning

i remember one time i gave my dad a little bunny doll and said "Promise me you will come back" he replied "I'm not going anywhere, i'll just be away for a while"
i don't know why that kind of emotion were absence in our family
no hugs when we sad
no wipe tears when we cried
no "i love you" when we apart. Just kisses and "Bye bye"

my laptop has changed and i still feel the same about this environment. I felt a sudden yearn of myself the one i had struggle hard to find in my past years
i believe this laptop will help me a lot through my days
from now on, till sometime in the future

"i promise i will take care of you"

Josh Garett. Find a Pitiful Lonely Furry Coat

2011-04-22T08:37:00.000-07:00

"I'm the most negative person in the whole planet. I wish i could be invisible without all of the people notice me or remember knowing me

I should be runaway somewhere far and start a new life there. I would be a brand new people"

You've Accomplish This Level. Proceed To The Next Timber?

2011-04-22T08:33:00.000-07:00

As usual i'm utterly excited, got butterflies in my tummy and stuff before i open up the blog
well it's been static lately i'm in the middle of mid-term test, lack of studying, i got difficulties though
it's been static. Sometimes people hurt someone without knowing they are. I remember that stare a stare in a full of question, shock, and a will to say something. I remember that time it was breezy and the body temperature rise high. Your mind will politely asking you to lay down but you think you shouldn't i don't know why people say things, why am i too sensitive
It's sad to to get people surprised of what you've been coping and all you can say is "I'm used to it"
People being too sensitive and got offended. Easily triggered, like a book on the edge of the desk you give it a touch it'll fall and when it's steady you got to be really careful.
Everyday should come earlier in order to welcome you need to behold of all things bad, good, evil, etc

the house is empty, yes empty
in fact i'm not in my house i'm alone in someone's house while everyone's out
i miss this feeling
the feeling that you feel infinite, the feeling that make you aware of what would happen next, and what do you want battling arguing with what your condition right now. A battle of wholehearted and aware, alerted in what would you do in a fact a long free time for you, yet a little chance to make it memorable. Feels like you want to do anything. I feel like i wanna buy the first flight to outside of this country on the next day.
I feel again utterly excited.

In fact i wanna tell this again, this is my true self talking, and i always concern about my future, i am awful in the current and always dream high, i got high stake and need to climb it since i already put it that high. I believe that is not your abilities counts you in, but it is your passion in somewhat particular subject. I believe i'll do absolutely fantastic just trying to be me all the time
Good job Miko ;)

When We Succeed We Said "Wow this is amazing" When We Failed, We Said "At least we tried"

2011-03-29T12:12:00.000-07:00

It's about a painting that i've been waiting for, it's not bad but it looks quite good

Please take a look

It's an abstract Darth Vader that i seen somewhere on the internet and i decided to make it into a canvass. It's now hanging on my wall

I'm New Totally New. Hello, Tumblr

2011-03-27T14:40:00.000-07:00

I got tumblr page!
At first i was afraid that i would fully move there but no it's different
it's an addition for your social network sites you PWNED
well let's give it a shot hello tumblr!

thealmightymeeco.tumblr.com

The Things That Recently Crammed In My Room

2011-03-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

Well actually i was supposed to sleep by this time. And meanwhile my eyes were so heavy i feel like i need to show you guys few of my collection. So this would be a lot of pictures with caption. Here you go, for the first thing i would like to show you is the thing that came along with the DHL package but it was forgotten by me. Dang here you go

Luke Ma no hands!

It suppose to join the other things back in my DHL post. I like the idea of having this Mickey mouse Star Wars is that Michelle likes Star Wars, and i called Michelle as Mickey from the time i decided to call her by nickname. This thing resembles her fully. Till i saw this somewhere on the internet

Mickey Tron what can i ask more

Well this is the ultimate item for me then. This item was so me, i like tron and i like "Mickey" in term to Michelle, so this item resembles it all. At the first time i saw this i was hoping around the desk and trying to place an order at amazon but it's hell expensive at first it was $65 but then someone bought it till now there's just $99 Mickey Tron. Then i go to local toy store, this thing still mint in box and i got 40% off for this figure i got it for about $43 or about Rp 420.000 not bad huh? Let's keep on going

Yoo don't kno DA PHOWAAA OF DA DAKK SIDE

A Darth Vader Lego which is kinda rare nowadays. It's $5 lego Magnet, i took off the magnet so i can get the vader as himself not a refrigerator Vader. If you want to know how here it is. And this Vader doesn't come alone to be a Star Wars lego in my room i got

Poo or Poo Not! There is no try

Master Yoda, he's my second favorite character before Luke, and guess the third one is! MACE WINDU lolol... Okay don't continue with something fool, lets move on

Star Wars Scaled Helmet Replica and Scaled Blasters

It's all originally i bought to sell again but then i wasn't really sure to sell these things since everything are rare every one of them. Lemme show you one by one

Han Solo Blaster: I got two of these so if you want one i'm Selling it

Look ordinary but you know this shit worth now? A million rupiahs!

The Protocol Droid, C-3PO it said it has a flashing eye. I havent tested it yet

Luke X-Wing Helmet, the one he used to blow the Death Star. I got two also

Commander Gree with a wrong box *giggle. You crazy green trooper

The Clone Trooper, traitor *Fold hands

501st Legion Clone Trooper yet another traitor. Fuck you Anakin... and you Gumby

Boba Fett, you won't believe me that this thing worth $270 now. It's rare

Hmm we passed through the whole Star Wars replicas. Then let's we move on to Tron again, actually i've posted these things but i just want to show every one of them. Here you go

SDCC Exclusive. The difference with the ordinary die cast was a light trail and the dock. And also have more detailed painting

The Holy lightcycle! There's two hole if you notice, there's 3D image. I showed you the image on the previous post

The Classic light cycle! Vintage but still fastest on the grid

These are an Identity Disc that functioned like a frisbee

and you can't throw this because this came with battery and wiring inside it

This one is the only one i bought the two of it, so i can open one of them and will make an external harddrive out of it. What do you guys think? Well this is the picture when the lights on

Movin eh? Lol i fancy this

And then i still got more die casts and action character

I need more diecast. There's a lot of these that didn't came in to Indonesia. Dammit

And i think i'm getting sleepier and can't hold this any longer, well this post been flooded by pictures, and i think some of you that trying to open this having difficulties. But it's been nice sharing the things we love through internet. There's someone someday looking at my post and smile and seeing what is it like to have my point of view like i always do. Or someone that didn't really know me starting to have closer feeling to me because the feel that i've been telling stories to them. Then this post come to an end. Let's all sleep tight and say hello to tomorrow's sun having cornflakes and a glass of milk

*gulp

Talk later

I got you 3D Image

2011-03-23T12:31:00.000-07:00

Cross your eyes, and you will see the 3D picture. Leave me a comment so i know that you're able to see it or not. It works for me

DHL package order from Amazon

2011-03-23T00:16:00.000-07:00

So i woke up this morning without feelin' like P Diddy
i know this is quite early for me to blog a post. Well i'm utterly excited since i was awakened by my house maid and she said there was a package from DHL i need to pay blah blah blah and i read from top to bottom till i found a number 479.000 yepp Rp 479.000
370.000 for customs duty taxes and shit, bank charges 50.000 (i have no idea why there's a bank charges), document charge 20.000 (okay), and duty handling charge 50.000. Ann NO it doesn't end there there's VAT FOR OTHER CHARGES please someone that attending at Accountant school explain this to me why in the hell i need another Value Added Tax since i paid this DHL from states a stunning $97. Hell yeah $97 i can bail anywhere with that money.

Pile of shi... I mean boxes

So the first thing i do when the package came i took my cutter i was opening one of them when i reminded to take a picture of it all so the first thing i open was

Atari Tron vintage Deadly Disc game Ad from 1983

well i love it so far it looks vintage, i looks cool, the color was vibrant and the package was nice. then i opened another bag which is

PicoPSU the tiniest PSU in the planet

it's Pico PSU. You know it's for computer stuff while ordinary computer have a PSU the size of your lunch box i got it as a size of matchbox *oh youngsters you and your technology (Grannies). It's actually for my Nintendo PC project, i ordered this since no one is selling this stuff here oh ManggaDua people you and your uncreative mind (Mr.Cocky). Well we move on to the next thing...

Limited edition SDCC tron bearbrick

WAIT WTF I GOT THIS WITHOUT SDCC STICKER! OMG WHAT AN IDIOT THE ONE WHO SOLD THIS WHY IN THE EARTH YOU TOOK THAT STICKER OFF! FUCK YOU YOUNGSTERS YOU AND YOUR IDIOT BRAIN. Well *clearing throat... it suppose to look like this

See it's the same thing but with the Comic Con sticker

WHYYYYY WHYYYYYYY... This is a limited edition of 1500 tron bearbrick from San Diego Comic Con International festival, and he removed the sticker, it looks less worthy now. WHYYYY WHYYY. Well let's move onto the next one!

Tron Vintage Flynn Action Figure 20th Anniversarry

And this got a hole on the top of it, It broke, till i can take the figure out of the box. WHYYYYYYY WHYYYYYY *Crying like best cry ever

well i'm super dissapointed. So let's move onto the next one

Original Star Wars VHS New Mint Condition

Hmm this kinda tame my rage since it really looks good and i spent $1 each. Not bad for a thing came from 1987. It's actually the original Star Wars VHS. This Star Wars VHS rereleased before they decided to change the title into "Star Wars IV: A New Hope" and you ain't gettin this anywhere nowadays. *giggle. Youngsters you and your.... erm let's just move onto the next box

Yet another tron Flynn Figure

I didn't upload this image wrongly. But i got another Flynn figure which in a better condition, and without a hole of course. Well (sratch head) erm... This is odd *AFK (Call sex line and cry deeply).

30 minutes later...

*Wipe tears.

I'm back. So this is odd, i got two of these and one of this had a dull box, is there anyone want to buy this? LOL. Okay let's move to the next one

A poor "The Adventure of Link" Nes game

Well i don't expect much from this thing since i will unscrew this thing and use the package to put a hard drive in it for my Nintendo PC project. Wait... i feel pity on this socket... hmm Okay then i'll order another one later on. Next thing i got

A Vintage Tron poster still in box. Sorry i can't open it, too afraid

It kinda looked like this

Vintage Tron 1983

Hmm i think that's all the stuff i got this day, let's take a shot of them all

Lol if you want to order a lot of stuff from another country i suggest you to prepare the tax and the Freight, shipping to door cost
i gotta tell you i spent $97 for the DHL from Oregon to the airport, and from the airport to my door i spent another $62
While my order was just around $190
Well that's it for this time. I'll talk a little bit more here i promise

Dear, Someone out there

2011-03-18T22:45:00.000-07:00

Dear, someone out there
you used to tell me jokes everyday laugh every minute
tell me how to find a girl or give me comments
you used to help me everyday wake up in the morning and get me to school
we used to share hobby or helping each other of their hobbies
you're here on the window but you're not you anymore

Dear, someone out there
when you spent more time with your beloved one, you don't know everyone loves you want to spent most of the time with you

Dear, someone out there
I finally met someone and he's like my brother, we share same hobbies, he's beside me most of the time and even we look alike
i have another you
but he's not here anymore. He's gone for ever

Dear, someone out there

A lot of prayer goes to you, i'm sure that none of your prayer goes toward me

because you told me that i don't mean a thing in your life

Dear, someone out there

Sure apology is easier to say, and a sorry isn't easy to do if you are

words is easier to say than you do

and i prefer doing than saying

Dear, someone out there

i hope you understand, that i never forgive you

Do You Know I Got A Car With Two Eyes

2011-02-19T10:25:00.000-08:00

Have you ever feel that you're the lucky guy while you watching a band and hoping the people on the stage is looking at you since the distance between you and the band isn't that far the possibility is enormous.
A feeling like it's a destiny that make you standing at the exact spot at the exact time
the exact feeling when want to call your long gone friend she didn't see straight to you the next thing you realize that she had gone
Like there's a way... A super wide way to you and you could've make friends to them or you could just hang out or talk about unimportant things laugh on dirty talk, or eating lunch somewhere taste great
i'm wondering it's fish and chips
seeing red cars passing by, double deckers, old building
and a bed room that have a strong old pine smell

At One Time When Time Travel's Possible I'll Bring The Best Gadget At The Time To 100 Years Backward

2011-02-12T15:13:00.000-08:00

I sip my Coffee and i don't feel like to sleep right now not because a weird dream about God Odin last morning but still i don't feel like to. For your info i'm not a caffeine drinker but sometimes i would like to have the time to... you know spent some time like in the movies, give it a shot, it probably bring something to me.

College life has been going on almost half a year i met couple of friends and realize that i am loud enough when i meet people and quieter when i am alone. Maybe it's the way i really am. Well i love being some new peoples and let them know how fun living live is except the fact that each year i'm getting older and hearing this that stories about younger kids had succeeded ahead. I'm not saying that i mad or something but i believe that some people got their succeed faster and some later.

And then a movie hit theaters on December 18th called Tron: Legacy and i became a geeker than i been geeker before it's a visual pleasuring movie about processes in the computer that makes me appreciate every key stroke i hit into my computer. Maybe a little shake to the laptop wont hurt *Shaking laptop vigorously. This is some of my Tron toys collection. I've got plenty of 3" and comic con's limited edition Vintage Tron

3" action die cast action figures and identity discs

The Limited edition Vintage Tron of the iconic pose of the Original Tron Movie itself (There's a production error it's written EDITON. Great! It increases the value)

Then a lot of things happened till i didn't have much time to write it down like OH! It's time for my old white notebook being retired she'd done amazing job helping me out around past times when i was preparing stuffs for entering university or like online everyday and say hi to hot chicks online. If you wondered how she's doing now here you go

She's definitely had shown it all

4 years at her service and if you think that it was dismantled by itself and looks bad calm down it's not that bad actually. Several days before i was cleaning it with Mr. Clean Magic Eraser but don't get me wrong it is a great product, helps me clean yellowed old stuff to shine again. But what went wrong was i put too much water into the sponge and it's flooding the inner side of keyboard so none of the keypad are responsive. Sux. What I tried on that picture was took off the keyboard and put the keyboard in one box with silica gel. Sounds possible but it didn't work out.

Just at the right time 2 days after The Temporary Retirement of Meeco's White Macbook i got a call from Mac Store i knew he's gonna let me know that my Macbook Air is ready to be taken. Affirmative ! I Go to the store alone and touch the machine before the guys at the store trying to screw my baby out.

Sure it's crispy thin. Vaporize when you break

This is an 11" Macbook Air the newest model and the fastest model that you can't buy on the regular apple store. I need to pre-order it before and it takes 5 weeks till i got in in my hand. I just cranked up the processor from 1,4Ghz into 1,6Ghz and RAM from 2GB into 4GB. What i had in mind is i need a computer at least have something faster from my old notebook. And this baby definitely are faster, and tremendously lighter. Because i have several issue when bringing computer to campus, or vacation. It's like bringing the whole home with you but not with this one it's around 2 pounds.

after watching too much ANTM

Then at New Year's eve i spent it with Michelle and played fireworks set up a barbecue grilling pod into smokey cremation bowl, and eat a lot played monopoly but not enough booze *bummer. It's not a must tho. Then i fell asleep there at her house, gone back home at 6AM and no one realize that i just arrived yeah because of some acting and ninja act jumping up to the roof.

For 2011 i got a lot of things to do, lemme check on what i got right now an OLD and Still Fully Functioning Nintendo NES system with joypad, an original XBOX, and a Gamecube i think i'll make a PC out of 3 of them and probably sell one or two. I'll post the pictures if it's finished and you are interested. Then for sure i'm entering second Semester this year, then i'm going to gather a lot of money to buy Tron merch and vacation. Then i'm sure i'll do something big this year.

There's a short visit from Michelle around this month and she said she missed Chelsea then she took a picture with her. I'm still wondering why she loves Chelsea not me, kidding i mean why she loves Chelsea that much. Well you free to take it because it's not fully mine

Death Choke *literally laughing my ass of right now

Then lastly i've done an interview for IBM internship so far i am pretty confidence about it. But well wish me luck! It's better move a little than doing nothing doesn't it?
i think i remember a saying about it "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. - Confucius"

Then an idea now tickling my mind. That is an advice to younger me, what if bam* someday that time travel is possible, or you met Genie and he'll give me 3 wishes to realize, then i'd tell younger Marco Adriaansz not to pick a major because it’s popular, or statistically creates graduates who make the most money. I’d tell myself that the right career choice is based on one key point: Finding hard work you love doing. As long as you remain true to yourself, and follow your own interests and values, you can find success through passion. Perhaps more importantly, you won’t wake up several years later working in a career field you despise, wondering “How the heck am I going to do this for the next 30 years?” So if you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop. You’re on to something big. Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions. Freaking awesome word right!
Now get your ass back to improve things on you guys!
I'll be back with a lot more stories and details
End of Line

Hold Your Hands Together And Bow

2010-12-27T07:19:00.000-08:00

I want to write a lot of things but since 3 days ago i nested in my bed, had a fever and nausea which occurs till now. I don't feel really well, have an urge to vomit, headache, and twirling tummy does anyone have a same symptoms like me? I read a lot of people on twitter are. But well i just want to say Happy Christmas to all of you.
Sincerely

Maverick Is A Top Pilot Maverick Is The Best Pilot Maverick Died Over Watching Looney Tunes

2010-12-16T09:56:00.000-08:00

My height is always be my problem. I am 5'7" which slightly shorter than my friends even girls and quite embarrassing while i have caucasian bloodline *ahem* a little *ahem
and because in average people height is around 5'8" i am noticeably an inch shorter
I was born as this small skinny kid which i think a little make sense looking back at my height while my brother is 6'1" it's the reason why i always wonder why am i this tall. I don't want to get beaten by him. Ever
I read somewhere that it is possible that we can be taller if we have taller sibling. Or is this just my growth works a little slower than it should be.
well at least they saying bullshit about shorter guy doesn't get attention and hot girl
i got both

and she's 5'8"

Meet Chelsea

2010-12-14T09:15:00.000-08:00

Meet Chelsea, She's a white labrador while another Labrador born black

She came on mid July while i am imagining about Labrador mixed with Golden Retriever, She came on some peculiar morning running around with big leg, and good shaped head

She licked my face when i squat near her at the very first time she crawl into this house

No one know since the time she came here that i have a plan to takeover her, i always take here everywhere when no one's at home

I bathe her almost every week and make sure her meal bowl fulfilled

What strange from these words are. Why am i writing about her like she's faraway

Because she's not fully mine, she belongs to my aunt and because my aunt always been busied then i always take care of Chelsea.

No one in this house knows that i called her Chelsea.

Hope she can keep this secret

High five Chelsea!

Should Be Without A Title But That's Alright

2010-12-14T06:10:00.000-08:00

"But O, how bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes." - Shakespeare

I believe behind every events lies a reason

And every single people that live in this world linked by several events in their life

i am scared not being genuinely honest to myself

i wasn't live this life for another people

what holds me back was shame

and shame shall getaway

i am ego

Song mood for today: Nur Ein Wort - Wir Sind Helden

Well You Look Good On That Dress, That Way Is The Way To The Librarian

2010-12-07T20:56:00.000-08:00

Hello folks it's been a while since i was had my mid exam and a lot of laziness to power up my computer. My mid exam went well but not the scores i'd tried my best but it turned out into this well i guess i need to try harder i've been playing a lot lately though. I read novels more often than i rehearse the subjects lately. Do you know that ride in amusement park in which we sat on one line with another four, and theres a bunch of people on other side, and it will shoot the seat to the upper tower part and gone back down and go up again and go down over and over, i think it's scary yeah like this morning i had a dream that there's two people that i remember the face, i always pass the by in campus. In my dream we were in an elevator he was lighting a cigarette, then the elevator shows warning, then it works like that thing gosh i wish i know what that thing was called. okay picture *if i can find any
OH IT'S CALLED TOWER ROLLER COASTER!

Oh scientific method, i kinda afraid of heights, not like some people with exaggeration but i think I'm normal to afraid of bungee jumping. I'm still fighting on it i don't know should i accept or fight for it. Because i remember earlier when i was at elementary school i told everyone that i had claustrophobia the fear of closed space or narrow spaces. Meanwhile I DON'T REALLY AFRAID OF THEM. I think i want people to give a little more attention on me, i don't know why i don't remember why but i like it. I like when people look at me scared in that particular spaces like (back again) elevator. And till finally i was too tired to act like that i am scared, i am normal. Don't you feel it too when you got stomachache you'll think its just some activity happening in your body, but when you know why is it moving or aching it hurts more. Like when i was fat i didn't know that i always had gastric but then lately i found out it was gastric, it hurts more. I think it's just a matter of mind tricking, what you want to fear then you do. If you didn't fear, you didn't.

Song mood for current time: Commodores - Easy

I like the old videos playing along the song. It makes more calming (well except of the anarchy parts)

It Would Be Less Accurate When You Do That While Holding Your Ear. And I'll Be The Last Thing You See

2010-11-24T10:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday night i was crazy about Alienware M11x remembering how cheap it is compared to how much the price is. Everyone in the Alienware headquarter must be crazy i5 Processor, 4Gb of RAM, and 1Gb of VGA as low as $999. Plus my thick framed frame geeky friend will be jealous of the presence of Alienware Computers in campus HALLELUJAH!
But the Alienware is less interesting since there's a lot of negative comment on the assembling and blank screen. It's so crucial when it came to a company as huge as Dell Alienware because everyone's eye on them. So i continue to wonder back to my earlier lust Macbook Air! As usual of my days lately i always check on Indonesian Apple website just to check the New Macbook air availability of course.

Click to enlarge

That's what i got just then on Apple.com so i assume that Apple Computer had been preparing for the actual stuff to arrive. Please just be quick don't do the same thing on your iPhone 4. It's your fault that i've been spending it before i got the phone. Sucks *sigh

It's 2 in the morning my exam would be on 8 this morning maybe i can just wake up at 7 then. Actually I'm in Mid Semester Exam week now so i need a lot of work on Discrete math and some holes to patch.

Do you know Brands Essence of Chicken? It would probably a great fuel for breakfast skipper I've been drinking that for a week and it feels great till now. I don't have plan for this December so instead of thinking to go somewhere, i want you to tell me what you're gonna do in this new year's eve.

I definitely go for some (heavy) drink hahaha ;)

You Face Book Me. Sorry I Mean I'm A Book Face

2010-11-23T05:11:00.000-08:00

I enjoy my time looking at thick books i seem that i could read them laid back on my bed, sniff and brush my cheek to the paper. I love how it smell also expensive books smells good rather than just ink and papers. Almost the same feeling when sometimes i saw really firm money and imagining the faces on the money had a face lift.

I could even imagine from where the book shipped from if it's from England, then I'm smelling England. If it's from California, I'm smelling California.

I told my significant other that i would like to have a little library for us someday and we can actually start collecting the books from now. Imagine a house full with books. Sweet ;)

Fugitive

2010-11-21T08:44:00.000-08:00

I don't know what've gotten into me but i must be so upset for not really clear reason all i know after not so long got up i had rearranging old stuff threw old stuff that probably wouldn't be used. Like McDonald's bill and other numerous restaurant or even a price tag on clothing.

Unfortunately one of my aunt wanted every unused things stay on their spaces just for memorizing purposes which i actually able to understand. Like when i saw a movie ticket my mind went back to those time i can remember who was sitting beside me at 30 days of night the movie was good because it makes me tense during the hours.

But her stuffs reaches the ceilings and i really mean ceilings when i said ceilings. This time not in a metaphoric meaning. Basically most of it weren't my stuff it's my little cousin's stuff

What he has been doing in this last 3 years was putting dirty shirts on the floor leave my door open every time he passes at anytime he's not even able to make an instant foods unless it was in a cup or using a microwave to heat up, and just shout to the housemaid for a meal, just a call for a help, got depressed while i give suggestion or giving an advice. Back in my significant other's house i can't connect the router up to the internet which i don't know why meanwhile it should be easy. I just wished that i could have more time there or at least until it was finished

I found a banana and i eat like crazy. This time because i am so hungry and all i had eaten was 2 bananas and a porridge this morning it leads me to an impatient way eating the snacks which i stopped immediately when i thought of making a banana juice or an orange juice. Easy just put banana, one ice block, and a glass of soy milk dunk in a blender and wait until blended soft and ungranulated. It would make me full right away. Am i right that soy milk lower your testosterone level?

What makes my mood doesn't being friendly was the stuffs in my house because when i was rearranging things in my room, everyone started cleaning the house as well. I also smell new paint smell in the air there must be some walls has been painted.

Everything wasn't on their places, i got panic when this occurs and it really disturbs me maybe i'll just turn off the lights and wouldn't see these stuffs blocking my way. And when you picture how comfortable your room was when you were really tired and was not home then when you're home it wasn't like what you've been thinking. I got a really dirty face right now i think i need to wash my face then change to clean clothing.

I'm thinking about how many people that had studied as much as me and thinking about that just makes me think about how many rivals i got there on college if they really did study a lot, and if they really does study a lot how afraid i am that my score wouldn't be straight As

Maybe i'd better be sleeping my mind went too far away.

Oh by the way did you guys know about that traditional Chinese treats which taste really sour and salty and has the structure like a beef jerky but softer. i hate it and what makes it perfect that i didn't know what my significant other was eating, so she offered me some and i bite a big bite of it because i think it was dates and the next thing was how horrible it tasted.

Sixteen Candles And So. Patterns, And Hiding Under The Bridge

2010-11-20T11:17:00.000-08:00

I go this weird feeling just right after i finished a novel called The Perks of Being A Wallflower and it wasn't a nice one

i felt extremely sad and not really in a good mood to sleep

i need to be somewhere i feel secure. Somewhere at least i can get someone hugging me the whole night and forgot what has just happened afterwards

I had suddenly imagine i got knocked down and all i can remember i had passed several months in bed and realized that i had lost my hair most of them. Realized that it was all wasn't a dream that i heard voices of the people i know saying how they missed me and how they love me. And i could imagine how someone having a revenge on me forgive me for what i did on them. They just forget it. How i can imagine my significant other will be there at anytime and cried at some particular time where she wished me had a better health condition, or she would really wait for our journey to go around the world starting europe when i was released from the hospital. While me lying there useless and all i can do was just heard them.

Maybe this is sort of mixed feeling because i didn't want the main character end up ordinary and the book ends in a certain way i do not expect.

And how the main character in the book said that he got straight A on his report card which lead me remembering about my mid semester exam. And how i remember how pretty my girlfriend is. I'm not telling you because she is my girlfriend but in fact how beautiful she is in my eyes. How i dont always agree when she said that she's not. How i insisted that she does and how i can feel that she did believe except some elements didn't looked "beautiful" for her.

Maybe this is the first time i wrote about my girlfriend in a really long time because I'm afraid that i exposed to much about her in my blog but that was what all i can think of right now. And even though i've been reading the novel i always imagine that Sam in this novel probably looked like her and how fun it is imagining her in the stories.

I wished that someday when i got upset i could ask her to hug me around my neck from behind and let me feel safe let me fell asleep right there but believe me she always do

I just want to make this straight... I love her.

This Note Has been All Filled Out With Your Name, You Freaky

2010-11-14T05:52:00.000-08:00

What's happening lately is i've been going back to vegetarianism

and I'm in the middle of mid semester exam

I'm so excited to spread wide the happiness to all the people

smile to everyone and talk to strangers

remember you will know how does it feel when you really doing it

i remember my significant other always worried about things to do and things that she didn't really know i always tease her laugh because of it because it's the most cutest thing i ever saw

well I'm about to continue my study then, live your life really to the max

because this current time you breath won't comeback.

Don't worry about a lot of things, there's no time for you to enjoy your life

just live it

sincerely,

Pretty Neat! Yeah That Was Pretty Neat!

2010-11-05T11:08:00.000-07:00

to be honest i always write this blog post to you on my strangest mood and in the right time
and it really produces pain and agony in stagnated writing pose
earlier because man created to socialize and i need someone to share, so that time my blog entries was a little bit critical and logical ticklish
I was angry to myself and in the same time i angry to the whole world for being such a fucking full slap in your face
I was angry because the world was a puzzle that time and the time is shorter than it used to be
A day wasted because i didn't show my face to the whole world
All i need is my identity and something that could help me achieving it
I've been through so much pain and terrible terrible accidents, drama, and reality
What you seen on that reality show wasn't just an ordinary TV show
It could be happened to you anytime
I always cry when i wrote most of my earlier blog post

Believe me being a grown up sucks, you need to fulfill the needs to be one
you got responsibilities, mom dad getting old, and ugly friends getting around you
when you're a grown up thing that you love will be less in number
when you were a little kid you love your shirts, allover, blocks, chewy thing, that spinning thing above your bed box and everything around your house.
When you a grown up, whatever thing you love being less. The most important thing in your life shorten to be one
One finger pointing

I saw a comedy film on the other day telling a group of friends with problems, successful businessman, and travelers gather in a barn of horses they will help the horses move to another barn across the desserts, rivers, and mountains.
At one scene the cowboy leader told about how much he crazy about one girl and he decided not to got over the girl just because he thinks life is all about one finger pointing. And it goes to another scene where one of the friends with a problem which previously though he was bored with his wife before he hit the camp rescuing a baby horse in a wild river stream. He almost swept away by the stream and almost died but before his friends rescued him and his baby horse.
In the end he knew about what that one finger pointing

He said "I've been wondering about this (shows the finger) and i didn't know because the imminent death of Chief, but then i realize this till i almost died on that river. I think about my wife, i think about my children, so that what this (one finger) means to me"
Ultimately what is the most important thing in our life is what the first thing across your mind when you know you're about to be gone from them forever. Yeah i know that feeling that we wouldn't see them anymore, and what they would do when we're not here anymore and what happened when they didn't have us involved in their life

I had that stupid attempt and it wasn't suicide attempt. It was when i was on 21st story high balcony i saw another platform beside the balcony, and a window near the platform. Not forgot to mention there's no supporting fences on the platform. So i planned to jump to the platform and go inside again through the window. It's that simple.
Then, there i was jumped to the platform, and walked further i felt the breeze on my ankle and my palm the jump to the window 21 stories high without support
Well what crossed my mind that time was "It's your choice to cross the line for one time in your life or looking at the line for the rest of your life". It's kinda a teenage rush and thing but well it's smoothly succeeded and here i am writing this blog 5 months afterwards. On the other hand it was reckless and silly how i did that. No one saw me, and no one around that time. Okay it was smoothly succeeded but what happened if i cross my feet, step on my another foot, fell down to the ground or someone opened the window so i fell down 21 stories high end of story. It even gives me thrill when i'm writing this

Okay i'll be honest. I'll tell you what popped in my mind when i was finished doing that and a bit shocked looking at the same spot for half an hour. That time my mind wanders and remember how breezy that was, how cold it was, and how dangerous it was. Then i started to wander in my mind. What the first thing strangely popped in my mind was my dad face, followed by my mother face, and then followed by my dreams and strange things like my best friend that has gone, and what would happened in my ceremony, then i think about my significant other. Then i grab my phone and apology. It was a thrilling moment phew..

So tell me what's yours?

I'm No Drunken Driver But I'm The Goat Shepherd. I Saw The Car Hit The Fences And Roll Over Twice

2010-11-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

It was at October 19th i was laying back and browse some stuff as usual, and my laptop is on my chest

I don't know why every time i saw this laptop it takes me 2 years earlier when i was just got the laptop a new shiny white Macbook i choose white because white is Mac-ish you know what i mean right okay this wouldn't be really hard then.

That time when, all the things that make you happy was hung out to malls and got happy while seeing people around you while you were there, all that could make you even happier was remembering your white Macbook sat back home waiting for you

It's just me or almost everyone get thrilled when they push the power button on their new computer or especially Mac when we really doesn't have no clue what's in there would it be fun or not.

For the first timer what made me disappointed was the absence of 'start menu' which made Windows so famous of everything about it. Most of all, the computer was so quiet till you didn't feel you're using a computer at all and mostly it's rarely vibrating because of hardworking components inside them. Everything was neat. No computer was built like this

Mac impresses me so much at these times.

How could a computer that so much easier to use and does looks good jammed in one pack

When i just got this baby

And back to where it was at October 19th i was just got back from college and looking at some pictures in web and something crossed my mind. I speculated that i hold my computer everywhere in my left arm, then why i did put it separately from my bag? Because its heavy of course. It made my shoulder sore and red. So i want a real light computer and best if it was apple computer. My mind goes to Macbook Air directly. Then i tried to look for the rumors that spread over the internet about new Macbook Air. DANG! Apple would introduce their new products on October 20th and holy mackarel it's 18 hours from the time i saw the news. So i woke up and tried not to be late going to campus, and sat on the middle row on the very left line. I put my books, i opened my laptop and waited to boot, go straight to Chrome and i just type on www.apple.com since i just put back my apple bookmark like a week ago i waited for the website since it was my campus WiFi so it's not blazing speed. Then for a little waiting i was welcomed with this screen

This is mean

I can't help myself for being so happy i just sms my pa straight ahead and trying to plan about getting which model. Come on Macbook air! Come here fast! *whistle

Back 2 years ago i was active on peta2.com being their online activist and stuff, giving speech about the importance of being environmental friendly by not eating meat, why it's saving earth and stop the violent. I remember i was being vegan for straight 2 years. Till for so many reason i need to get my nutrition back for a while and get my shape back. I was drastically transformed being a vegan in 3 days i was totally picky at my food. I'm telling you the first 3 days was tough but after you pass it you will feel light and emotionally stable. You still can take one week petition of being vegetarian or the full month. The most challenging part was when you have to really being picky of your food intake it was so much fun.

well if you interested you can go straight to the website peta2.com

gosh i could cry right now i miss being vegan

This picture i taken somehow made me remember the vegan times and oh i remember i always buy the 'Vegan Times' magazine aswell.

These was my magazine back then when i got nothing to do then i will read these magazines over and over

and i move to another seat in the far north corner

2010-10-15T01:39:00.000-07:00

While the madness came in i don't know why also things in my life gets corroded slowly

eroded...

people pass by... and insecurities in the middle of the people i'm comfortable of

Life is just as the shallow meaning as the life itself

life as just the meaning of surviving and struggling to live

i believe there must be someone somewhere someday out there understand what is the meaning behind these words

and i believe there is a hills for a resting place

you're just here for a short visit

make sure you breathe the air deeper, smell the flowers around

smile to strangers and someone new for every each new days

Just... A blabs in the library

2010-10-15T01:20:00.000-07:00

Madness goes around my days

and no days in my days that doesn't have madness

sometimes i said to myself why am i always being in the middle of these chaos

sometimes i want to got into an accident and gone

sometimes i turn myself into the most convenient place in the state of mind

sometimes i don't know whom i should turn into

i sunk myself into trouble, and i have no idea what awaits when the words are spoken

sometimes every single words, every single step that you should do isn't that easy

sometimes something should have been sacrificed

or you should have sacrifice something for something in return

i am the most positive person in the whole world, and i don't know why i'm surrounded in a madness

let me be the one i want, let me feel the things i wanted

lastbloodfromhell Never Get On The Line

2010-09-11T07:19:00.001-07:00

a sentence, a word, a letter, a buzz would be valuable

let me know you're there if you are

#include void main printf("Could You Pass The Fucking Potato Please");

2010-09-11T07:03:00.000-07:00

Another nerdy stuff me and my friends do was we started the sentences verbally with printf(" and ended with "); which a C++ language it's not time friendly but not bad for remembering attempt

haha i hope i can keep on with the pace of this native computer language

Right on! Keep some space for me Google!

Yesterday I Learned How To Speak In Korean From Youtube

2010-09-11T06:50:00.000-07:00

Thank you for Hanna for the Greetings!

She was a great photographer, a good friend of mine, and of course a great girl for her boy :)

Take me and Michelle for a photo shoot sometimes if you don't mind

sincerely

Perpetual [I've Been Trying to Reach You] Oblivion

2010-09-10T10:33:00.000-07:00

I got bad news and good news

Whats happening right now is i got a university

which i really like and i feel like really belong in there the thing that i didn't like is just the friends. Sometimes they were supportive but sometimes they made stagnated pose. When someone is greater than they are everyone start to tease when someone appeared a bit different everyone mocks for a weirdo

I wish i have an invisible cloak to cover me from they all. I wish i could talk to every single people i wanted to and avoid the one i don't feel like to talk.

Or maybe this is what social life offered us. A lesson that we have to put ourself in the right place in order to survive.

Is it selfish to say that i don't want friends, i just want close friends like 2 or 3 of them and my family. I hate going back to socialize

The sad thing is i've been struggling for 3 years to get the best medical program in the country but no i didn't keep it on. If a doctor is a success and intelligence measurement so if you want to find smart peoples they were nesting in a building called Hospital. Whatever it is my measurement of my success lies in my dream and my goal. If you have a dream work on it to the core and soon you will live it up.

Lately i got strange feeling like the future is obscured i don't know what is this called but it's not the first time i got this feeling. Like i can't imagine what lies in tomorrow and what i've done the minute before i think. Eid ul-Fitr everyone forgive and forget about what mistakes they done to each other. Not me, words hurts more than a dagger indeed. I let it bleed

WHO SAID I'M SHOUTING RIGHT NOW?

2010-07-16T10:53:00.000-07:00

Life lately been obscured. I feel like i'd knocked by hypnotherapist then i've gotten away by my self control

I keep waking myself up... I never reach my consciousness

Then i realize that I was stuck in the most enormous and the longest lucid dream in human history

Uncountable deep inhale and exhale i did

I didn't know could i handle the shame when i keep going what i've been longing

or should i keep doing what I'm doing for another own happiness

the bad insomnia stuck back in a bad package and in the wrong time

I'm trying to fulfill what's needed to be a grown up go to college, working, and being a little wiser

I don't want to but i have to. Make choice, be real, and correction

Realize that you have to do something with a full force. You shouldn't split up your attention into several things

Realize that you can't use the time with all activity that you want

Realize how perfect you are by making choices

Then you will know, who you are in piece

A self portrait of myself

Hello I'm Getting Singapore's $1 Ice Cream. Does anyone Want?

2010-07-08T10:52:00.000-07:00

I was hoping that this blog of mine is less dead than it used to so

i wanted to share you guys about my personal life. I don't know who you are, and you might think that it was interesting to know something about life of a stranger out of your neighborhood then you're on! I'm gonna share a piece of my life.

I'm the last son of 3 siblings.

My first brother was Ronald he was tall 6" foot or somewhere and tough guy some kind of bully on your high school but with soft side. He's bald. Just cured from a sick myopia till like reaching 10 or somewhere 0,5 below 10. So it was kind of weird seeing my brother for the rest of his school life with thick frame glasses and in the last 5 years it's not hanging around his face anymore.

The second was a sister called Aqilla but she also has a nickname which sounded cute "Dee Dee" she was like sort of quiet girl being introduced to liquor and weeds. Then got a bunch of cool stuff on her iTunes with ambience sound, and a lot of sampling "bleep bleep clack clack kapow!! Booom boom Bam bam ooh!" stuff. Basically she's the person i always hangout with

and the last was me i better keep me as you know i am. Basically i like computer a lot, and i like making out with trees. The latest was for sure a lie

I have a girlfriend for christ sake. We've been dating for almost a year i wish i can remember all dates just as easy as i install the Snow Leopard. I haven't bought it yet but i decided to share the cost with my cousin to afford it. What a lazy ass he was, he haven't bought it since the moment i told him to like 60 days ago well nearly.

So at the moment i was too lazy to explain about what happening to me you can just scroll down and read the previous blog entries.

Then u know i was a bit stressed out with my universities attempt, then my big brother.

About the last one, the story goes to like 8 years ago. He was high school and met a girl. He asked her to be his girlfriend but the girl have something else to consider. This girl is being asked to marry someone so the girl asked to my brother "Do you want to date me? If you're not i want to get married". Then blam! Gone! Every stories was washed away they were gone. My bro have a life and the girl have a life.

8 years later they meet each other the girl now has 2 little company and without her husband around anymore. Then you know where the hell the story goes

My brother loves this girl so much, he likes to go hangout with that girl

spend most of the times together, he likes her company, he really enjoys her company in life and he hopes that the company was in unlimited time.

He likes to compare things in what happened in current

like what if what happened in him occurred in our daily life. What would happen if what he has been through, the feel of joy, the feel of comfort, the playful side of him unleashed to the whole new environment that he has been suits to was against the parents will

He wanted that parents understand what he has been suffering was the parents fault. He wanted to change the way they think.

i totally understand that.

The thing that bothers me is that my brother makes my momma cried a lot.

I remember once he mention about karma

i don't really believe that kind of thing was existed but as he believe then let him believe it does existed

let's look back at the karma

He said "The only thing makes i was sinful right now was i was against you guys (the parents) but i know I'm doing the right thing"

Karma talk! How if that words came out to your face from your child?

Please let me know where the hell that i can be so wrong to tell that my brother was wrong?

Dear Amazonian, I want That Animal Skull You Wear For Helmet

2010-07-08T10:19:00.000-07:00

It's reaching the end...

I live in Jakarta looking for universities for 3 years

and none of them turns out being where i'm going to

life is being incoherent

I always blame myself for all the time

24 hours a day, i blame myself for what I'm doing, and what should i do naturally and would gives a fortune, knowledge, money, or producing something

what i never stop is just hoping and believing

It was almost the same when you gone diving at night, alone

i wasn't sure to go where or at least knowing which direction to know where I was destined to

i was unsure of going through, thinking of running out of air, take the whole risk or die in sea?

it was difficult

i always hope that a boat with one of my family member or police patrol found me before i was suffocated under the sea and breathless

You know, ultimately...

What's the meaning of life?

Grow? learning how to survive on the jungle earth

learn how to swallow pill when i got fever, learn how to use fork and spoon, make instant meals when I was starving, watch TV when my favorite blue round, red, yellow talking creature is on, sleep at my bed alone, have my first word learned, learn to read books, big enough to go to school, fast forward we were smart enough to provide some money, know about sex, and how to impress people.

i found some multi-billionaire still were not satisfied for what they got now

confusing? Get a check list they fulfilled the needs all of them.

What you pursue in your life is what makes you passionate about it, what makes you happy when that first thing pop out in your mind. What makes you could think "This sweat is worth of what they dropped for"

That's what you should fight for

Honey Is That a War Suit? Wait Why Are You Dancing! Oh I See You're That Singer

2010-05-20T12:21:00.000-07:00

I'm in the mood to tell you guys a story. I felt comfortable since i know we're not too close neither you're not too close with me. As i I'm typing i see the letters grouping in places, and makes a good sound of words in English.

As I'm typing i remember how much things passing through my head in the same time I'm talking. I'm kind of getting used to when people talk to me like "There you go, you lost again" or give me a strange look like "Dude you're so stupid" I'm so used to it, so used.

Sometimes i wondered when i could prove myself to the people out there, to my Mid School friends, to my High School friends, what I'm adequate to do. What this brain of mine could do. I just want all of the shits out there see me revealing out from the guy you always mock at, until the guy you guys always adore at. Talk shits on my back then you will regret it someday. I believe that

Someday when i am more than what you see "How i am" i would be proud. Seeing your eyes look at me and giving impression like "What the fuck!" and i will look back at you speaks quietly though the stare "Yeah here i am. And you see this. The guy you always give the thumbs down to has become the thing you adore."

Someday the overindulged man would sorry to me. I'm loving my life but in one side I'm in the condition that my surroundings hates me. Thankfully i still got my family. In the end when everything was fucked up we get back to family.

People likes to judge other people from how they appear. Okay let's dress your mama and papa like me and you will say they look like punk, and messy, had a quite messed up life and shits. Talk to my ass man talk to my ass! I'll make you sorry for saying that.

Underestimating, came out when people see me shits and stuff i had no sweat heard them saying "Oh this kid is so much a faggot" "This kid just have a look" "Oh this kid is so cocky i want to beat him up" "Oh this kid is so punk rock. Better stay away" "This kid is so fancy" blah blah and pretty much trafficking my head like flies.

I got no time to rest i hope that i can get a lot of time to life my life rather than playing my Laptop or PlayStation 3. Well i realize how long i've been leaving this blog and write stuff. Because I'm having a real life a real deal and having a girl. Never been this good. Oh ya I'm finally about to go to college, pray for me whoever read this writing till the very last punctuation mark.
You're blessed

Taco and Beans Shake Your Legs Move Your Feet. Would You Say I'm Wacko If Im In?

2010-05-16T17:33:00.000-07:00

Life, keep going like it used to be same routine same old shit been going for the whole time
i even have a thought about leap off a building
have you ever think about leap off a building?

It was probably one of a lot of wonderful way to die
you can just close your eyes, feel the wind blowing through your cheek peace and calm for several seconds and then the next thing you remember probably people shouted, because it would hit the ground so fast and strong we wont felt the actual impact on our body. We just
lost, forever

I've been dealing with this bad insomnia for 5 years it's so frustrating when you need to get a lot of energy for going through the day and you couldn't sleep it's just frustrating. When you need some break from the reality. D'oh i thought fool around would help to reduce my boredom and stress. But i found that i was wrong

I kept spinning in my atmosphere, while I'm hoping a change, i don't. Sometimes God doesn't show that he were there. Or he really weren't exist?

Lately my life filled with laughter, loves, and fun but still there's one.. hurt. Lol i don't know how to say, but "It's your life, you should decide what you want, and where it goes" it stands for a lot of things. It's up to you what you suggest me to do? Because it's your life. etc etc...

Then I'm enjoying my chilli beans, with wheat bread, feels like a dream to eat it i even took my papa just to buy this canned bean. Got no money lol

I would try to collect a huge amount of money like $12.000
you know what for! For a car! Mini Cooper well i'll pay half and the rest let my papa do the kung fu with the dealer. I've been dreaming to have that car omg

Oh the last thing i would mention is i have the most likely ignorant face and expression. It probably disturbing my friends and surroundings but i (I'm lost)
Well since the last time i slept was 2 days ago so I'm losing a lot of my attention control. To prevent me going out to the neighborhood and shout "SPARTAAAAAA" maybe i should take a trip to the pillow land <- Classic

The thing is just. I'm tired

Facing a blank typing field felt like decorating the old trafford just using glue and paper
i had that image that it would look dull but i keep doing it. Well in case i could improve it

I Wan't Someone Provocative and Talkative, But It's So Hard When You're Shallow With The Shower and From What I've Heard The Skin You'll Win

2010-03-29T00:30:00.000-07:00

Ooh ami l'amour
i was literally laugh and roll over the floor lol. While actually it's a scene from Aladdin when Aladdin talks about a girl he likes to the genie. Here's the videos compilation of the genie's scene. Merci'

Then while you afraid of what the world thinks about you, it's better you afraid of what you think about the world. The world is a pandora box that you decide what it contains, what awaits, what mysteries within. It's you decided what the world is when you think it's wonderful then it's as it is, when you said it's cruel and damned you're true.

All my life i tried to live like i wanted to. I've done anything i want to do and anything i think it's true as long i keep sticking to the manners. Well at least be polite to the oldies, be a good listener to them and obey them. I like being around oldies and talk with them it's fun and at least i can hear a lot of lame stories they've been through. Along the stories filtered the moral message from them and learn the manual guide to live lol

Well lately i found the people i hate the most is the person who have a lot of things in common to me. Same problems, same favorites, and almost the same life. The reason people hates us because they're the biggest fan of us and they doesn't want to show it. Just make it clear, talk, set aside the competition, and self pride

And God creates us with a sophisticated gene codes that brought from your chromosome and genosome codes no one is the same as yourself. You got your own favorites, attention of things, and hobbies that makes you're yourself. Well not all people stupid, you can say they're stupid or not from the way they talks lol i remembered a moment ago i saw TV and a guy talked and i can see he is really stupid lol omg i feel bad but he is an IDIOT lol. When the journalist asked for his comment about the kidney's day he said "Yea it's for the day... The day... What day is this? It's the world's kidney's day? Yeaaaaaah Kidney's day. Drink a lot, and damn the soft drinks! Drink water you'll be healthy!"
Damn i feel pity on him *wipe tears

I don't say I'm stupid i know I'm capable of everything but I'm not interested in some subjects or some thing. Well if i don't like one subject why am i have to know it deeper while i know i wont use it for sometime in the future i mean like i know decorating flowers is hell lotta skill but why do i have to master it? I can great at anything but i can't master everything. I don't want to waste my time to do what actually isn't myself. From now on i decide my own way and no one should take control of my life

lol enough for today's lesson of life. Well my life is kinda frustrating because of one thing lately. It's because MY BLACKBERRY CAN'T BROWSE THE INTERNET DAMMIT! Lol how can i cope of this torture it is miserable how my life going, i guess i'll just cope with the pain and sorrow wrap me keep me from the cold *okay this is over and too poetic lol hahah*
God bless you who read this to very the last line.

I Swear I Saw A Gorilla Playing Guitar There. But The Officer Gave Me A White Connecting Sleeve Shirt

2010-02-23T06:31:00.000-08:00

For some certain reason i really don't have any words here but i always trying to write a lot of things that i wanted to share. Actually I've been attracted to new mobile phone from LG mobile called new LG Chocolate, i think it's just cool. The perfect phone for myself, like my own self. Despite of the dash of red over their head and feet. Well i think LG have been developing in these last 2 years. A lot. D'oh i can't help myself from gadgets they are cool stuffs. Gadgets help human life being easier aren't they but i wonder why they are so pricey. Maybe we're buying technology, and researches, hard work from people done the research

SOOOOoooo so so so so so what's in my mind is about emotional bond. So i have a friend recently came to me and shared about her love life soooo so so so so so ill tell you the story in third person view. Let's say there's a girl, and a boy named Billy, and Sarah *common name on your English book

So they were attracted, adore each other. Sarah likes this boy so much for uncertain reason. Sarah liked when Billy around. Call on late night held hand when hang out french kiss hug snuggles. Sarah found it difficult to keep on the track while a void cramped on her bone marrow. She agreed with Bill for keep it as it is. When they said love to each other they trust each other like no one else. They both have angel on their shoulders to keep an eye. Someone to lean on when about to broke without afraid of losing each other.

While they agreed on their uniquely shaped yet unavoidable relationship, Sarah felt something gibberish kept her awaken at night spoke on her ear lead her fingers of touching the numeric keypad. To give a message goodnight while in sudden a message was received while she wrote the new message addressed to Bill

Too bad that message weren't from Bill. Ruined the whole mood to sent a message she cried. Too long then dried until eyelids cover her sight. She thought that she'd better gone sleeping because her dream is better than reality.

She understand the consequences, the disadvantages of her relationship.

No emotional bonds, no secure, no warm hand to held her cheek when she need it
"How a question "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" helps girl from her sorrow

"How an official relationship helps one
"How emotional bond helps one's soul came out from despair, insecure, and inexplicably happiness
"How a word changed one's life

"I LOVE YOU... WOULD YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?"

"Mickey, Mickey Is Miko Too If Mickey Sad, Miko's World Torn In Two"

2010-01-21T11:53:00.000-08:00

Give me a hug,

I want you to know that you such a wonderful human being, the most beautiful person I've ever seen and the most caring person that i ever imagine.

When i saw you smile, you made me forget about a lot of things. When i explained about things it's your eyes that make me lost.

When the first time i met you i know it is you that i want to take care

When i talked to you and saw your smile i know that smile that i want to look forever

I want you to know how lucky i am when i got you

How we pass a lot of thing and most of it appears to be my greatest moment

The way you ask me solve hard questions on math or physics, the crafts you made. How similar we look like till everyone thinks that we are sibling. How the way you ask about things but you scared that i would get mad. How passionate you are learning to cook. How you offered me cookies when I'm hungry and how you made me pancakes when i was craving something on late night.

I want you to know that i've been waiting for you all my life my best girl friend.

I promise i will love you what ever you become and how ever you would look like.

You're my dead rest

I love you

Now, you give me a hug.