Sixteen Candles And So. Patterns, And Hiding Under The Bridge

I go this weird feeling just right after i finished a novel called The Perks of Being A Wallflower and it wasn't a nice one

i felt extremely sad and not really in a good mood to sleep

i need to be somewhere i feel secure. Somewhere at least i can get someone hugging me the whole night and forgot what has just happened afterwards

I had suddenly imagine i got knocked down and all i can remember i had passed several months in bed and realized that i had lost my hair most of them. Realized that it was all wasn't a dream that i heard voices of the people i know saying how they missed me and how they love me. And i could imagine how someone having a revenge on me forgive me for what i did on them. They just forget it. How i can imagine my significant other will be there at anytime and cried at some particular time where she wished me had a better health condition, or she would really wait for our journey to go around the world starting europe when i was released from the hospital. While me lying there useless and all i can do was just heard them.

Maybe this is sort of mixed feeling because i didn't want the main character end up ordinary and the book ends in a certain way i do not expect.

And how the main character in the book said that he got straight A on his report card which lead me remembering about my mid semester exam. And how i remember how pretty my girlfriend is. I'm not telling you because she is my girlfriend but in fact how beautiful she is in my eyes. How i dont always agree when she said that she's not. How i insisted that she does and how i can feel that she did believe except some elements didn't looked "beautiful" for her.

Maybe this is the first time i wrote about my girlfriend in a really long time because I'm afraid that i exposed to much about her in my blog but that was what all i can think of right now. And even though i've been reading the novel i always imagine that Sam in this novel probably looked like her and how fun it is imagining her in the stories.

I wished that someday when i got upset i could ask her to hug me around my neck from behind and let me feel safe let me fell asleep right there but believe me she always do

I just want to make this straight... I love her.

This Note Has been All Filled Out With Your Name, You Freaky

What's happening lately is i've been going back to vegetarianism

and I'm in the middle of mid semester exam

I'm so excited to spread wide the happiness to all the people

smile to everyone and talk to strangers

remember you will know how does it feel when you really doing it

i remember my significant other always worried about things to do and things that she didn't really know i always tease her laugh because of it because it's the most cutest thing i ever saw

well I'm about to continue my study then, live your life really to the max

because this current time you breath won't comeback.

Don't worry about a lot of things, there's no time for you to enjoy your life

just live it

sincerely,

Pretty Neat! Yeah That Was Pretty Neat!

to be honest i always write this blog post to you on my strangest mood and in the right time
and it really produces pain and agony in stagnated writing pose
earlier because man created to socialize and i need someone to share, so that time my blog entries was a little bit critical and logical ticklish
I was angry to myself and in the same time i angry to the whole world for being such a fucking full slap in your face
I was angry because the world was a puzzle that time and the time is shorter than it used to be
A day wasted because i didn't show my face to the whole world
All i need is my identity and something that could help me achieving it
I've been through so much pain and terrible terrible accidents, drama, and reality
What you seen on that reality show wasn't just an ordinary TV show
It could be happened to you anytime
I always cry when i wrote most of my earlier blog post

Believe me being a grown up sucks, you need to fulfill the needs to be one
you got responsibilities, mom dad getting old, and ugly friends getting around you
when you're a grown up thing that you love will be less in number
when you were a little kid you love your shirts, allover, blocks, chewy thing, that spinning thing above your bed box and everything around your house.
When you a grown up, whatever thing you love being less. The most important thing in your life shorten to be one
One finger pointing

I saw a comedy film on the other day telling a group of friends with problems, successful businessman, and travelers gather in a barn of horses they will help the horses move to another barn across the desserts, rivers, and mountains.
At one scene the cowboy leader told about how much he crazy about one girl and he decided not to got over the girl just because he thinks life is all about one finger pointing. And it goes to another scene where one of the friends with a problem which previously though he was bored with his wife before he hit the camp rescuing a baby horse in a wild river stream. He almost swept away by the stream and almost died but before his friends rescued him and his baby horse.
In the end he knew about what that one finger pointing

He said "I've been wondering about this (shows the finger) and i didn't know because the imminent death of Chief, but then i realize this till i almost died on that river. I think about my wife, i think about my children, so that what this (one finger) means to me"
Ultimately what is the most important thing in our life is what the first thing across your mind when you know you're about to be gone from them forever. Yeah i know that feeling that we wouldn't see them anymore, and what they would do when we're not here anymore and what happened when they didn't have us involved in their life

I had that stupid attempt and it wasn't suicide attempt. It was when i was on 21st story high balcony i saw another platform beside the balcony, and a window near the platform. Not forgot to mention there's no supporting fences on the platform. So i planned to jump to the platform and go inside again through the window. It's that simple.
Then, there i was jumped to the platform, and walked further i felt the breeze on my ankle and my palm the jump to the window 21 stories high without support
Well what crossed my mind that time was "It's your choice to cross the line for one time in your life or looking at the line for the rest of your life". It's kinda a teenage rush and thing but well it's smoothly succeeded and here i am writing this blog 5 months afterwards. On the other hand it was reckless and silly how i did that. No one saw me, and no one around that time. Okay it was smoothly succeeded but what happened if i cross my feet, step on my another foot, fell down to the ground or someone opened the window so i fell down 21 stories high end of story. It even gives me thrill when i'm writing this

Okay i'll be honest. I'll tell you what popped in my mind when i was finished doing that and a bit shocked looking at the same spot for half an hour. That time my mind wanders and remember how breezy that was, how cold it was, and how dangerous it was. Then i started to wander in my mind. What the first thing strangely popped in my mind was my dad face, followed by my mother face, and then followed by my dreams and strange things like my best friend that has gone, and what would happened in my ceremony, then i think about my significant other. Then i grab my phone and apology. It was a thrilling moment phew..

So tell me what's yours?

I'm No Drunken Driver But I'm The Goat Shepherd. I Saw The Car Hit The Fences And Roll Over Twice

It was at October 19th i was laying back and browse some stuff as usual, and my laptop is on my chest

I don't know why every time i saw this laptop it takes me 2 years earlier when i was just got the laptop a new shiny white Macbook i choose white because white is Mac-ish you know what i mean right okay this wouldn't be really hard then.

That time when, all the things that make you happy was hung out to malls and got happy while seeing people around you while you were there, all that could make you even happier was remembering your white Macbook sat back home waiting for you

It's just me or almost everyone get thrilled when they push the power button on their new computer or especially Mac when we really doesn't have no clue what's in there would it be fun or not.

For the first timer what made me disappointed was the absence of 'start menu' which made Windows so famous of everything about it. Most of all, the computer was so quiet till you didn't feel you're using a computer at all and mostly it's rarely vibrating because of hardworking components inside them. Everything was neat. No computer was built like this

Mac impresses me so much at these times.

How could a computer that so much easier to use and does looks good jammed in one pack

When i just got this baby

And back to where it was at October 19th i was just got back from college and looking at some pictures in web and something crossed my mind. I speculated that i hold my computer everywhere in my left arm, then why i did put it separately from my bag? Because its heavy of course. It made my shoulder sore and red. So i want a real light computer and best if it was apple computer. My mind goes to Macbook Air directly. Then i tried to look for the rumors that spread over the internet about new Macbook Air. DANG! Apple would introduce their new products on October 20th and holy mackarel it's 18 hours from the time i saw the news. So i woke up and tried not to be late going to campus, and sat on the middle row on the very left line. I put my books, i opened my laptop and waited to boot, go straight to Chrome and i just type on www.apple.com since i just put back my apple bookmark like a week ago i waited for the website since it was my campus WiFi so it's not blazing speed. Then for a little waiting i was welcomed with this screen

This is mean

I can't help myself for being so happy i just sms my pa straight ahead and trying to plan about getting which model. Come on Macbook air! Come here fast! *whistle

Back 2 years ago i was active on peta2.com being their online activist and stuff, giving speech about the importance of being environmental friendly by not eating meat, why it's saving earth and stop the violent. I remember i was being vegan for straight 2 years. Till for so many reason i need to get my nutrition back for a while and get my shape back. I was drastically transformed being a vegan in 3 days i was totally picky at my food. I'm telling you the first 3 days was tough but after you pass it you will feel light and emotionally stable. You still can take one week petition of being vegetarian or the full month. The most challenging part was when you have to really being picky of your food intake it was so much fun.

well if you interested you can go straight to the website peta2.com

gosh i could cry right now i miss being vegan

This picture i taken somehow made me remember the vegan times and oh i remember i always buy the 'Vegan Times' magazine aswell.

These was my magazine back then when i got nothing to do then i will read these magazines over and over

and i move to another seat in the far north corner

While the madness came in i don't know why also things in my life gets corroded slowly

eroded...

people pass by... and insecurities in the middle of the people i'm comfortable of

Life is just as the shallow meaning as the life itself

life as just the meaning of surviving and struggling to live

i believe there must be someone somewhere someday out there understand what is the meaning behind these words

and i believe there is a hills for a resting place

you're just here for a short visit

make sure you breathe the air deeper, smell the flowers around

smile to strangers and someone new for every each new days

Just... A blabs in the library

Madness goes around my days

and no days in my days that doesn't have madness

sometimes i said to myself why am i always being in the middle of these chaos

sometimes i want to got into an accident and gone

sometimes i turn myself into the most convenient place in the state of mind

sometimes i don't know whom i should turn into

i sunk myself into trouble, and i have no idea what awaits when the words are spoken

sometimes every single words, every single step that you should do isn't that easy

sometimes something should have been sacrificed

or you should have sacrifice something for something in return

i am the most positive person in the whole world, and i don't know why i'm surrounded in a madness

let me be the one i want, let me feel the things i wanted

lastbloodfromhell Never Get On The Line

a sentence, a word, a letter, a buzz would be valuable

let me know you're there if you are