No Need to Think Further to Read This

i let myself falling
sometimes i feel i need to cheer up but i deny it
this is it! *Farah Quinn style *ahem*
I can't fully put my attention into something lately, that's probably the most annoying moment where you was busied with your cell phone and someone is talking with you and they get pissed because you don't listen when they talk, but in fact you type "hey i'm busy catch you later" to your buddy on cellphone. But now my attention is scattered for studying, probability, university, parents, and friends

Do you know how it feels like when you were accused to do something while you didn't do it at all or even you never thought about it? The last time my mom got mad at me and blame me all the way she want. I really wanted to say "Okay mom what do you want to know" i really want her not just get angry every time i want she being my mom. Listened to my problems, my difficulties, and help me to solve the problems. But she treat me like a toddler while she didn't realize why i made that mistakes why i done such thing and why i was acting like that

I'm confused that i was too sensitive lately i touched with a tiny sparks of surprises and simple things

But well i visited Yudha's grave 2 days ago and i wrote something for him. I put it inside a tiny plastic bag to prevent it damaged from the weather. I hope he can open it and read it when the night came and the sun's down and the moon take his working shift. It's a part of The Devil Wears Prada's lyric a song called Louder Than Thunder and then i asked him wether he's fine or not. I said he can visit me anytime. Sure i won't be scared if you appears anytime

And all mixed become one when i was there it reminds me the day when i knew him about 4 years ago he'd asking me to hear a band called Killing Me Inside while the song playing at the MySpace music player. I watched these guys when i attended Java Rockin Land on August 7th there. They played the first three chords of the Tormented. I don't know the chords maybe like D - A# - B# (maybe? hahaha). When that chords played i had a flash of his face and have a clear picture of it. The day when he ask me to came closer while i was busied with my cell phone. On that moment i wished he was there

I'm hoping that he's doing fine there and he isn't need to straighten his hair, no need to flatiron his hair anymore. While me still struggling to get a university in this world

The fact that, i failed again on university test and then i'm sorry Dad, i really really sorry for still haven't got a university while you really wanted me to get a medical program well im working on it. I really wanted to make you happy but remember i never done something stupid or left my education behind. I put education first above all things in my life. I hope i got a university as soon as possible. I'm terribly sorry Dad. I've put "UNIVERSITY! MEDICAL PROGRAM" in the first list on my head, in last two years

and i learned something from a word called Love because i get into a situation called Jealousy. I am a plain people i'm boring and nothing special about me, i was soaked on a situation where i felt i have nothing to be proud of

Fried Egg Sunny Side Up, Tabasco Is A Big Yup Yup!

I haven't that feel i am lucky enough to be in this condition, yet

still not feeling grateful enough

One said "You never realize how precious someone is till they gone" still i didn't get what it delivers to me i know i care about my parent's so i never fight them back. I know i'm just a little kid and they are my parent's all we have to do is following what they ordered us to do

i care about my dad and mom i want to kiss their cheek every night every time i want to go bed and hug them like i really don't want they go but in fact i wrangled with my mom every time i met her, sometimes i talk to her with care but sometimes she act like a 10 years old kid peeping out what am i doing or give me advices like i am going to do something fool and sometimes look at my tiniest fault puke her emotion till she cried

Call me ignorant, but still i can't imagine when one of them left me

Maybe i should be grateful because my sis told me that maybe me and her is the most luckiest kid in this world maybe on planet because she had a friend she told me that she always have that hollow look and i met her every time i hang out with my sis and when i look trough her eye i really feel her mind isn't in this present time

One day i share with my sis and i said that i still confused why some unlucky kids act emotionally broke while i thought it isn't that hard, she said that "it isn't like you imagine it's more than that words, for example you see that girl the last one we talked to? Her dad was a monster every night he always had a fight with his wife, hit her and do anything to her till she cried every night, but it isn't stop there after he hurt his wife he always come to his daughter and wether she's wrong or not her dad bought her to the dining table and hit her head till it's bleeding, and after every time he do that thing he cried and apologize to both of them, his daughter and wife. It repeats every night"

So my dad doesn't act like that it means God give me something that i should be grateful of. But can ask something to parents out there or someone about to be a parent please think forward think about your kids, so your kids could live life like they should. If you want a happiness don't get rid of someone else's happiness and give a bad memory to them, your parent's didn't treat you like that so don't do such thing to give your kid a bad memory.

do i look like a bit emotionally? Man i don't. My house maid didn't came for this day and i have to get something to eat after i post this. I wrote this post about at 2 PM but the internet disconnected every 2 seconds so i can't post it at that time and this is 5:03 PM i'm about to post this thing. By the way the egg picture is the egg i fried this morning and you know i didn't eat animal products but i really miss that taste lolol

and i think someone ask me to go out the day before but they didn't give a sign they about to go so i trapped in this house. The last time i took a bath was two days ago and okay i'll took a bath!

Vietnamese: Sorry Sir We Were Closed Come Back After 28th

Anissa, is a dreamer teenage girl on crowded new york, rolling stones bought her here from New Jersey. As normal dreamer teenager, there a time when she hear someone or some band that she really like to sung they song, someone that she had their photos all over your your room's wall, and someone who force her to run and face tv when they appears on tv. She had a friend named Jonathan whose be there when she need him and someone who she'll ask to watch movie on her apartment on saturday night. Jonathan said "We have a party this saturday and it will be a blast so come in!" and so Anissa interested what kind of party it is "What so interesting about it?"

Jonathan convince her that the party is what she's been looking for "there will be costume party and you can wear any kind of costume"

So Anissa decided to go with an angel costume with less protection from cold to body she think it will be cool when she wears it. The time has come, she going to that party. Sure it is, it's a blast it is the party she wanted to be she talk a lot with someone new, and laugh like crazy. But she don't feel any security because Jonathan isn't there. The thing is Jonathan lose his car key and he decided to go to the party with a viking costume by bus he rolled his eyes before he stepped on the bus. Back to Anissa someone put hand on her shoulder, she smiled and turn around, but there standing Robin her boyfriend which just break up a week before she walk away and Rob after her till they both go out from the place where the party should going. Rob and Anissa fighting and shouting on each other to convince that one of them is right and one of them is wrong but Rob shouting loud and louder till Anissa feels scared, and she crying on the garden chair near the edge of street. She saw someone she recognize for all her life passing by on the opposite side where she was, there standing Mick Jagger across the street go to mini market maybe for a pack of cigars. Her vision still blurry and she wipe her tears as fast as she could so she stepped her 10 centimeters high heels but she held up by drunken man they think she is a whore for walking over with that costume he teased her and touch her face couple of times but suddenly he went down. There he is Jonathan hit him with his fist till down, but there across the street a black Mercedes pick Jagger up and the black Mercedes go nowhere.

Anissa sat down again on the garden chair and suddenly crying. Jonathan sat down beside her. She shouted "Where'd u gone!" at Jonathan and Jonathan explained "my car went broken and i use bus to get here and when i want to call your mobile phone i went to nearest telephone box and when i reach the phone i saw you were disturbed by a drunken man that's all" and Anissa continue crying till she feels better. And she said "You know this probably the most fucked up day in my whole life i was on fight with Rob again, a drunken man thinks i'm a whore because what girl go out at this time and using an angel costume, and i saw Jagger walking in front of my bare eyes but i can't do anything" Jonathan said something that he thought it will calm her down "Well thing happens so fast but there always be a chance when you are destined to get it" Anissa feel relieved with her friend words and she said "You know, now you mentioned about chances, but now i learned that God gives us a chance no matter it's the first second third or even fourth there will be a chance like i saw Ron Wood buy a hot dog when i worked on a hotdog booth and i done nothing with him but i believe there always be a chance but depends on us how we walk all over it" and Jonathan gives her his viking coat and take her a cab and gone to her apartment.

omg im so tired when i wrote this i don't even know why i keep writing this while my eyes were heavy on the first paragraph. Really hate to write i this so long

Can Anyone Tell Me Where i Can Get Snickers Bar Because I Really Need One

Did you know how gorgeous you are till i don’t have a guts to stare at you directly

I am Wasting What I Got For A Long Time and i Realize How Stupid i Am

what the word "love suppose to mean it's like chemical basis affected your brain and make you feel happy it's explainable but in case human hasn't got name for it they call it love for instant so it became spoken

it's just for a lot of feeling you probably can say "this is the one.. and the rest is unspoken you can say you love them still for something unspoken

For instance you like that someone and you don't want to lose them and you try to go along with them as time goes by you will dislike his's/her's this habit and in time you will lose what you suppose to feel or probably they become your enemy

If you like someone and you don't want to lose them and you probably decided to be friend and there's dissatisfy in deep in your heart said "i want to be the one they love and the one they care about, and i do everything to do that" but that's the best decision you made in fact you like them very much

and about a relationship separated with a distance it'll be hard. It easy to trust someone and you build your trust to them even the worst news you would ignore it and you trust them with all your life and your feeling within it's really nice to have a feeling that you love that someone and you can feel how much they love you. But there's some case like when you trust that someone they cheated on you while you trust them in all innocence. That's wouldn't be easy to hear that they in bed with other's while you love them. Like where the hell you put my feelings to you while you do that you can beg me however you tried how hard it is you can't make me to turn to you, there's an opportunity and the offer doesn't came twice, you hurt me so bad so i don't want to know how deep you love me and how hard you try all i know you hurt me so bad

While i'm saying allowing some dreams come true it means to hold down what lies beneath, it really hard that in side we need an education to start play the future and on the other hand that means leaving your whole dream. The star scattered and frigid air blows and i said how come this thing came up to me and this is too wonderful, i said god wake me up but he didn't he convince that i am pretty much awake till the time i feel her arms next to my arms while im sleeping, and he wake me up again and again no matter how hard my brain ordered me to sleep. And he wake me pretty conscious to saw her face again and then gone i am sleeping deeply and so conscious to see the sun shine on the following morning

i found that i am wasting my DSLR and i haven't used it from the moment i bought it *sigh

and oh i just unwrapped the rereleased alesana's try this with your eyes closed, ending without stories playing

We Don't Need The Headline but We Didn't See Head On It

i said oh God this is too wonderful

i said God wake me up

if it is just a dream i will be disappointed, badly

He doesn't wake me up cause i am awake

My Header Will Always be Ugly Yeah It Will

When i am about to write a post about my friend Yudha, he buzzed me on Y!M

and he said "Dude make a post about me please!" and i was like "Hey what a coincidence i am about to make it dude" and he said "Okay let me know when it's finished!"

and i make that post carefully while hold down my tears till it is finished. Done!

and then i text him "Dude it's done just take a look"

in about 10 min i got a reply message from him "I'm speechless"

and said "Hey i want you to make my blog header in return"

he said "i'm busied with this office works but i will make that"

But the header would never received

he passed away on June 23rd, by hit and run accident

and the story above is the last time i text him, June 9th

i just miss someone who always suddenly came knock on my window and suddenly open my door, to whom i talk shit, music, and cute girls

May 28th we hang out and suddenly we do what we didn't do in a long time hear a song in an iPod, shares earphones, ice creams, sit in one spot, and look at cute girls passing by we just like it.

So the last time i got a touch of relieve is when i said i having a hard time i message her girlfriend and she replied me this lyrics

"Nobody said it was easy

it's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

no one ever said it would be this hard..."

Coldplay - The Scientist

im listening to this song while i'm writing this to calm myself down