Gesundheit

I want to cry. But what i did was crying inside. It hurts

Eyeglasses

I've been wanting this type of specs since it looks like Steve Jobs but i completely blew the purpose of being myself does it? Or it doesn't?

I've been wanting a new specs, since the measurements has changed i think. It gone higher since all those writing on the whiteboard had been blurred.

But i also want thick eyeglasses since it makes me looked more whatever.

What do you think?

Ma Belle Amie

I miss us!

There's no more us'

since there's just YOU and I

Faggy Suit!

Hello,

you out there i still have this butterflies on my tummies when i see you

i have this feeling that have been screaming when i talk to you.

Every single time

Since it was some time i gave a hint

and afraid it would completely blew off the friendliness between us

maybe all these sounds faggy to you

i can't do anything about this

It hurts

But if this a wound i'll let it bleed and dried by the air

i wan't to say that i care about you and i love you but

not in a romantic way

in a friendly way.

If you read this.

and you get a hint

I love you as my friend

Clouds, And Everything In Between

Hello this is an open letter to you out there and you know to whom this is referring to

i know you're sad and upset but it's not always me to blame

see the answer within yourself what made me be in this way

and what made you feel uncomfortable when I'm in this state.

I know you hate me, convince me all you can that you feeling another way

i knew this day will come and i knew you will disagree to all the things i said.

I hate you for being completely rude, impolite and never show some respect without you knowing it completely.

You hated me for left you like that

and to love someone forever is the biggest lie.

and I'm not making you hate me more

but I'm sick of being the person i shouldn't be

Happy living your life

I'm happy living mine

I've Been Missing to Play Drums

This should be the most usual state for myself to make a post. I just feel like to but I'm also stucked in this little chaos in my head that destroys and obscuring for what i should do and not.

This should be the most uncomfortable moment and yet the fastest time slipping moment of my days. I heard songs and they felt like an ingredients to myself. It's the concrete of a building, and sands to shores.

I'm hearing Tame Impala's Why Won't You Make Up Your Mind. I feel lonely. So lonely while i know there's two of my siblings beside me, one shared room with me and the other one suddenly came in and asked for my Tempur since he got bitten by fleas from his matt.

I hate my sofa bed it's hard. But it's my throne to be on the sofa bed since it fits just to one person and It's only me.

I'm hearing to Tame Impala since it reminds me of that time. Of that concerts. It was my closest encounter to you. It absolutely the most craziest time of my adolescent years. I don't quite frankly think it's adolescent to be exact it might refers to "Young Adult" as it stated to recently closed Wiki page.

I know listening to Tame Impala have been making me in this type of confusion, drunkenness, and blue. But It's okay baby i like it this way.

Being the most honest people to myself is the most biggest achievements that i could accomplish to myself. I felt weightless and problem less as i usually avoid conflicts in my daily life but looking for conflicts and keep reminding me to make one in every single possible way is the best thing that ever happened to me in years of my life.

Being truly honest of what i really want to and what I'm feeling has been helping me going through hard times. In instance when i thought i really like chemist in fact i drool a lot on chemist is the biggest lie to myself. Being able to accept yourself knowing it's abilities and disabilities is the best thing that you can do. Since every individual are created in their own way. If you can't understand one thing, why do you have to be so shy if other people think you're stupid? You're not stupid when you're asking. But it's worse when you don't know and you're keeping it to yourself.

Keep making mistakes ;)

'I Wake Up Every Day Stare At The Mirror And Ask Myself If This Is The Last Day I Live Would I Do This?'

This started by a video that i watched after the death of Steve Jobs the CEO of Apple Computers

It's about 3 things that he passed in his life. The video itself made a long time ago when Steve Jobs is on his best health. The message for me was simply interpreted to live the life the way i like it to, the way i wan't it to be. Don't ever let people say what i did was wrong and always have a faith to what I'm doing. Believe that it will be useful someday even things that i usually ignore.

The problem is I always afraid of doing things wrongly just because when i did, I'm afraid people would think that i am not as brainy as they do. Which i believe caused a slowly decreasing self development.

I bought a comic somewhere that stated a genius wouldn't stop after a little struck of lightning. Like when someone push a button and got struct by electricity and they would avoid the button since it hurts. Genius think otherwise when they pressed the button they are eager what caused the electricity struct.

comfort kept us in a secure castle

like a king felt secured by thousands of his soldier

I feared that I'm not being the person that people wants me to be but I feared more that I'm not being someone that i should become.

I started to do things wrongly, not really care about people opinion about myself as long i think I'm doing the right thing for myself. Keep doing things like i want to without avoiding the consequences. Doing things out of my comfort zone where the things are out of my control like i always did. Controlling every aspect of my life, i wanted it perfect i want all the things i have was maintained steady. But i found void when i was at that state, it felt the city were too small for me. No more new places to go, and nothing more i could do to simply pleased myself.

I am pretty pleased for these past weeks that i've been passed for doing the wrong things. I didn't do my homework according to my friends works. I did it according to me and if i did messed up, i could learn gradually from that. I keep reminding myself at anytime any places any thing i should decide. Always follow my heart to whatever i think i should do, or chose.

Doing things wrongly but doing it the right way doesn't count as doing it. Giving you the best thing at the current time for you is the sign of insecurities.

This morning i did something wrong. I was at the gym and there's a cute yoga teacher was teaching her class. I really want to open the door and shout "I love you!" but no! I didn't wish i was. I did it! She came to the door and did the 'zip it' gesture. I know in some people's opinion, i shouldn't do that but hey a little lightning struct wouldn't hurt you! ;)

Don't let shame take over your personal development as one person.

Here's the video. It might change your mind also