Should Be Without A Title But That's Alright

"But O, how bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes." - Shakespeare

I believe behind every events lies a reason

And every single people that live in this world linked by several events in their life

i am scared not being genuinely honest to myself

i wasn't live this life for another people

what holds me back was shame

and shame shall getaway

i am ego

Song mood for today: Nur Ein Wort - Wir Sind Helden

Well You Look Good On That Dress, That Way Is The Way To The Librarian

Hello folks it's been a while since i was had my mid exam and a lot of laziness to power up my computer. My mid exam went well but not the scores i'd tried my best but it turned out into this well i guess i need to try harder i've been playing a lot lately though. I read novels more often than i rehearse the subjects lately. Do you know that ride in amusement park in which we sat on one line with another four, and theres a bunch of people on other side, and it will shoot the seat to the upper tower part and gone back down and go up again and go down over and over, i think it's scary yeah like this morning i had a dream that there's two people that i remember the face, i always pass the by in campus. In my dream we were in an elevator he was lighting a cigarette, then the elevator shows warning, then it works like that thing gosh i wish i know what that thing was called. okay picture *if i can find any
OH IT'S CALLED TOWER ROLLER COASTER!

Oh scientific method, i kinda afraid of heights, not like some people with exaggeration but i think I'm normal to afraid of bungee jumping. I'm still fighting on it i don't know should i accept or fight for it. Because i remember earlier when i was at elementary school i told everyone that i had claustrophobia the fear of closed space or narrow spaces. Meanwhile I DON'T REALLY AFRAID OF THEM. I think i want people to give a little more attention on me, i don't know why i don't remember why but i like it. I like when people look at me scared in that particular spaces like (back again) elevator. And till finally i was too tired to act like that i am scared, i am normal. Don't you feel it too when you got stomachache you'll think its just some activity happening in your body, but when you know why is it moving or aching it hurts more. Like when i was fat i didn't know that i always had gastric but then lately i found out it was gastric, it hurts more. I think it's just a matter of mind tricking, what you want to fear then you do. If you didn't fear, you didn't. 


Song mood for current time: Commodores - Easy

I like the old videos playing along the song. It makes more calming (well except of the anarchy parts)

It Would Be Less Accurate When You Do That While Holding Your Ear. And I'll Be The Last Thing You See

Yesterday night i was crazy about Alienware M11x remembering how cheap it is compared to how much the price is. Everyone in the Alienware headquarter must be crazy i5 Processor, 4Gb of RAM, and 1Gb of VGA as low as $999. Plus my thick framed frame geeky friend will be jealous of the presence of Alienware Computers in campus HALLELUJAH!
But the Alienware is less interesting since there's a lot of negative comment on the assembling and blank screen. It's so crucial when it came to a company as huge as Dell Alienware because everyone's eye on them. So i continue to wonder back to my earlier lust Macbook Air! As usual of my days lately i always check on Indonesian Apple website just to check the New Macbook air availability of course.

Click to enlarge

That's what i got just then on Apple.com so i assume that Apple Computer had been preparing for the actual stuff to arrive. Please just be quick don't do the same thing on your iPhone 4. It's your fault that i've been spending it before i got the phone. Sucks *sigh

It's 2 in the morning my exam would be on 8 this morning maybe i can just wake up at 7 then. Actually I'm in Mid Semester Exam week now so i need a lot of work on Discrete math and some holes to patch.

Do you know Brands Essence of Chicken? It would probably a great fuel for breakfast skipper I've been drinking that for a week and it feels great till now. I don't have plan for this December so instead of thinking to go somewhere, i want you to tell me what you're gonna do in this new year's eve. 

I definitely go for some (heavy) drink hahaha ;)

You Face Book Me. Sorry I Mean I'm A Book Face

I enjoy my time looking at thick books i seem that i could read them laid back on my bed, sniff and brush my cheek to the paper. I love how it smell also expensive books smells good rather than just ink and papers. Almost the same feeling when sometimes i saw really firm money and imagining the faces on the money had a face lift.

I could even imagine from where the book shipped from if it's from England, then I'm smelling England. If it's from California, I'm smelling California.

I told my significant other that i would like to have a little library for us someday and we can actually start collecting the books from now. Imagine a house full with books. Sweet ;)

Fugitive

I don't know what've gotten into me but i must be so upset for not really clear reason all i know after not so long got up i had rearranging old stuff threw old stuff that probably wouldn't be used. Like McDonald's bill and other numerous restaurant or even a price tag on clothing.

Unfortunately one of my aunt wanted every unused things stay on their spaces just for memorizing purposes which i actually able to understand. Like when i saw a movie ticket my mind went back to those time i can remember who was sitting beside me at 30 days of night the movie was good because it makes me tense during the hours.

But her stuffs reaches the ceilings and i really mean ceilings when i said ceilings. This time not in a metaphoric meaning. Basically most of it weren't my stuff it's my little cousin's stuff

What he has been doing in this last 3 years was putting dirty shirts on the floor leave my door open every time he passes at anytime he's not even able to make an instant foods unless it was in a cup or using a microwave to heat up, and just shout to the housemaid for a meal, just a call for a help, got depressed while i give suggestion or giving an advice. Back in my significant other's house i can't connect the router up to the internet which i don't know why meanwhile it should be easy. I just wished that i could have more time there or at least until it was finished

I found a banana and i eat like crazy. This time because i am so hungry and all i had eaten was 2 bananas and a porridge this morning it leads me to an impatient way eating the snacks which i stopped immediately when i thought of making a banana juice or an orange juice. Easy just put banana, one ice block, and a glass of soy milk dunk in a blender and wait until blended soft and ungranulated. It would make me full right away. Am i right that soy milk lower your testosterone level?

What makes my mood doesn't being friendly was the stuffs in my house because when i was rearranging things in my room, everyone started cleaning the house as well. I also smell new paint smell in the air there must be some walls has been painted.

Everything wasn't on their places, i got panic when this occurs and it really disturbs me maybe i'll just turn off the lights and wouldn't see these stuffs blocking my way. And when you picture how comfortable your room was when you were really tired and was not home then when you're home it wasn't like what you've been thinking. I got a really dirty face right now i think i need to wash my face then change to clean clothing.

I'm thinking about how many people that had studied as much as me and thinking about that just makes me think about how many rivals i got there on college if they really did study a lot, and if they really does study a lot how afraid i am that my score wouldn't be straight As

Maybe i'd better be sleeping my mind went too far away.

Oh by the way did you guys know about that traditional Chinese treats which taste really sour and salty and has the structure like a beef jerky but softer. i hate it and what makes it perfect that i didn't know what my significant other was eating, so she offered me some and i bite a big bite of it because i think it was dates and the next thing was how horrible it tasted.

Sixteen Candles And So. Patterns, And Hiding Under The Bridge

I go this weird feeling just right after i finished a novel called The Perks of Being A Wallflower and it wasn't a nice one

i felt extremely sad and not really in a good mood to sleep

i need to be somewhere i feel secure. Somewhere at least i can get someone hugging me the whole night and forgot what has just happened afterwards

I had suddenly imagine i got knocked down and all i can remember i had passed several months in bed and realized that i had lost my hair most of them. Realized that it was all wasn't a dream that i heard voices of the people i know saying how they missed me and how they love me. And i could imagine how someone having a revenge on me forgive me for what i did on them. They just forget it. How i can imagine my significant other will be there at anytime and cried at some particular time where she wished me had a better health condition, or she would really wait for our journey to go around the world starting europe when i was released from the hospital. While me lying there useless and all i can do was just heard them.

Maybe this is sort of mixed feeling because i didn't want the main character end up ordinary and the book ends in a certain way i do not expect.

And how the main character in the book said that he got straight A on his report card which lead me remembering about my mid semester exam. And how i remember how pretty my girlfriend is. I'm not telling you because she is my girlfriend but in fact how beautiful she is in my eyes. How i dont always agree when she said that she's not. How i insisted that she does and how i can feel that she did believe except some elements didn't looked "beautiful" for her.

Maybe this is the first time i wrote about my girlfriend in a really long time because I'm afraid that i exposed to much about her in my blog but that was what all i can think of right now. And even though i've been reading the novel i always imagine that Sam in this novel probably looked like her and how fun it is imagining her in the stories.

I wished that someday when i got upset i could ask her to hug me around my neck from behind and let me feel safe let me fell asleep right there but believe me she always do

I just want to make this straight... I love her.

This Note Has been All Filled Out With Your Name, You Freaky

What's happening lately is i've been going back to vegetarianism

and I'm in the middle of mid semester exam

I'm so excited to spread wide the happiness to all the people

smile to everyone and talk to strangers

remember you will know how does it feel when you really doing it

i remember my significant other always worried about things to do and things that she didn't really know i always tease her laugh because of it because it's the most cutest thing i ever saw

well I'm about to continue my study then, live your life really to the max

because this current time you breath won't comeback.

Don't worry about a lot of things, there's no time for you to enjoy your life

just live it

sincerely,