WHO SAID I'M SHOUTING RIGHT NOW?

Life lately been obscured. I feel like i'd knocked by hypnotherapist then i've gotten away by my self control

I keep waking myself up... I never reach my consciousness

Then i realize that I was stuck in the most enormous and the longest lucid dream in human history

Uncountable deep inhale and exhale i did

I didn't know could i handle the shame when i keep going what i've been longing

or should i keep doing what I'm doing for another own happiness

the bad insomnia stuck back in a bad package and in the wrong time

I'm trying to fulfill what's needed to be a grown up go to college, working, and being a little wiser

I don't want to but i have to. Make choice, be real, and correction

Realize that you have to do something with a full force. You shouldn't split up your attention into several things

Realize that you can't use the time with all activity that you want

Realize how perfect you are by making choices

Then you will know, who you are in piece

A self portrait of myself

Hello I'm Getting Singapore's $1 Ice Cream. Does anyone Want?

I was hoping that this blog of mine is less dead than it used to so

i wanted to share you guys about my personal life. I don't know who you are, and you might think that it was interesting to know something about life of a stranger out of your neighborhood then you're on! I'm gonna share a piece of my life.

I'm the last son of 3 siblings.

My first brother was Ronald he was tall 6" foot or somewhere and tough guy some kind of bully on your high school but with soft side. He's bald. Just cured from a sick myopia till like reaching 10 or somewhere 0,5 below 10. So it was kind of weird seeing my brother for the rest of his school life with thick frame glasses and in the last 5 years it's not hanging around his face anymore.

The second was a sister called Aqilla but she also has a nickname which sounded cute "Dee Dee" she was like sort of quiet girl being introduced to liquor and weeds. Then got a bunch of cool stuff on her iTunes with ambience sound, and a lot of sampling "bleep bleep clack clack kapow!! Booom boom Bam bam ooh!" stuff. Basically she's the person i always hangout with

and the last was me i better keep me as you know i am. Basically i like computer a lot, and i like making out with trees. The latest was for sure a lie

I have a girlfriend for christ sake. We've been dating for almost a year i wish i can remember all dates just as easy as i install the Snow Leopard. I haven't bought it yet but i decided to share the cost with my cousin to afford it. What a lazy ass he was, he haven't bought it since the moment i told him to like 60 days ago well nearly.

So at the moment i was too lazy to explain about what happening to me you can just scroll down and read the previous blog entries.

Then u know i was a bit stressed out with my universities attempt, then my big brother.

About the last one, the story goes to like 8 years ago. He was high school and met a girl. He asked her to be his girlfriend but the girl have something else to consider. This girl is being asked to marry someone so the girl asked to my brother "Do you want to date me? If you're not i want to get married". Then blam! Gone! Every stories was washed away they were gone. My bro have a life and the girl have a life.

8 years later they meet each other the girl now has 2 little company and without her husband around anymore. Then you know where the hell the story goes

My brother loves this girl so much, he likes to go hangout with that girl

spend most of the times together, he likes her company, he really enjoys her company in life and he hopes that the company was in unlimited time.

He likes to compare things in what happened in current

like what if what happened in him occurred in our daily life. What would happen if what he has been through, the feel of joy, the feel of comfort, the playful side of him unleashed to the whole new environment that he has been suits to was against the parents will

He wanted that parents understand what he has been suffering was the parents fault. He wanted to change the way they think.

i totally understand that.

The thing that bothers me is that my brother makes my momma cried a lot.

I remember once he mention about karma

i don't really believe that kind of thing was existed but as he believe then let him believe it does existed

let's look back at the karma

He said "The only thing makes i was sinful right now was i was against you guys (the parents) but i know I'm doing the right thing"

Karma talk! How if that words came out to your face from your child?

Please let me know where the hell that i can be so wrong to tell that my brother was wrong?

Dear Amazonian, I want That Animal Skull You Wear For Helmet

It's reaching the end...

I live in Jakarta looking for universities for 3 years

and none of them turns out being where i'm going to

life is being incoherent

I always blame myself for all the time

24 hours a day, i blame myself for what I'm doing, and what should i do naturally and would gives a fortune, knowledge, money, or producing something

what i never stop is just hoping and believing

It was almost the same when you gone diving at night, alone

i wasn't sure to go where or at least knowing which direction to know where I was destined to

i was unsure of going through, thinking of running out of air, take the whole risk or die in sea?

it was difficult

i always hope that a boat with one of my family member or police patrol found me before i was suffocated under the sea and breathless

You know, ultimately...

What's the meaning of life?

Grow? learning how to survive on the jungle earth

learn how to swallow pill when i got fever, learn how to use fork and spoon, make instant meals when I was starving, watch TV when my favorite blue round, red, yellow talking creature is on, sleep at my bed alone, have my first word learned, learn to read books, big enough to go to school, fast forward we were smart enough to provide some money, know about sex, and how to impress people.

i found some multi-billionaire still were not satisfied for what they got now

confusing? Get a check list they fulfilled the needs all of them.

What you pursue in your life is what makes you passionate about it, what makes you happy when that first thing pop out in your mind. What makes you could think "This sweat is worth of what they dropped for"

That's what you should fight for

Honey Is That a War Suit? Wait Why Are You Dancing! Oh I See You're That Singer

I'm in the mood to tell you guys a story. I felt comfortable since i know we're not too close neither you're not too close with me. As i I'm typing i see the letters grouping in places, and makes a good sound of words in English.

As I'm typing i remember how much things passing through my head in the same time I'm talking. I'm kind of getting used to when people talk to me like "There you go, you lost again" or give me a strange look like "Dude you're so stupid" I'm so used to it, so used.

Sometimes i wondered when i could prove myself to the people out there, to my Mid School friends, to my High School friends, what I'm adequate to do. What this brain of mine could do. I just want all of the shits out there see me revealing out from the guy you always mock at, until the guy you guys always adore at. Talk shits on my back then you will regret it someday. I believe that

Someday when i am more than what you see "How i am" i would be proud. Seeing your eyes look at me and giving impression like "What the fuck!" and i will look back at you speaks quietly though the stare "Yeah here i am. And you see this. The guy you always give the thumbs down to has become the thing you adore."

Someday the overindulged man would sorry to me. I'm loving my life but in one side I'm in the condition that my surroundings hates me. Thankfully i still got my family. In the end when everything was fucked up we get back to family.

People likes to judge other people from how they appear. Okay let's dress your mama and papa like me and you will say they look like punk, and messy, had a quite messed up life and shits. Talk to my ass man talk to my ass! I'll make you sorry for saying that.

Underestimating, came out when people see me shits and stuff i had no sweat heard them saying "Oh this kid is so much a faggot" "This kid just have a look" "Oh this kid is so cocky i want to beat him up" "Oh this kid is so punk rock. Better stay away" "This kid is so fancy" blah blah and pretty much trafficking my head like flies.

I got no time to rest i hope that i can get a lot of time to life my life rather than playing my Laptop or PlayStation 3. Well i realize how long i've been leaving this blog and write stuff. Because I'm having a real life a real deal and having a girl. Never been this good. Oh ya I'm finally about to go to college, pray for me whoever read this writing till the very last punctuation mark.
You're blessed

Taco and Beans Shake Your Legs Move Your Feet. Would You Say I'm Wacko If Im In?

Life, keep going like it used to be same routine same old shit been going for the whole time
i even have a thought about leap off a building
have you ever think about leap off a building?

It was probably one of a lot of wonderful way to die
you can just close your eyes, feel the wind blowing through your cheek peace and calm for several seconds and then the next thing you remember probably people shouted, because it would hit the ground so fast and strong we wont felt the actual impact on our body. We just
lost, forever

I've been dealing with this bad insomnia for 5 years it's so frustrating when you need to get a lot of energy for going through the day and you couldn't sleep it's just frustrating. When you need some break from the reality. D'oh i thought fool around would help to reduce my boredom and stress. But i found that i was wrong

I kept spinning in my atmosphere, while I'm hoping a change, i don't. Sometimes God doesn't show that he were there. Or he really weren't exist?

Lately my life filled with laughter, loves, and fun but still there's one.. hurt. Lol i don't know how to say, but "It's your life, you should decide what you want, and where it goes" it stands for a lot of things. It's up to you what you suggest me to do? Because it's your life. etc etc...

Then I'm enjoying my chilli beans, with wheat bread, feels like a dream to eat it i even took my papa just to buy this canned bean. Got no money lol

I would try to collect a huge amount of money like $12.000
you know what for! For a car! Mini Cooper well i'll pay half and the rest let my papa do the kung fu with the dealer. I've been dreaming to have that car omg

Oh the last thing i would mention is i have the most likely ignorant face and expression. It probably disturbing my friends and surroundings but i (I'm lost)
Well since the last time i slept was 2 days ago so I'm losing a lot of my attention control. To prevent me going out to the neighborhood and shout "SPARTAAAAAA" maybe i should take a trip to the pillow land <- Classic

The thing is just. I'm tired

Facing a blank typing field felt like decorating the old trafford just using glue and paper
i had that image that it would look dull but i keep doing it. Well in case i could improve it

I Wan't Someone Provocative and Talkative, But It's So Hard When You're Shallow With The Shower and From What I've Heard The Skin You'll Win

Ooh ami l'amour
i was literally laugh and roll over the floor lol. While actually it's a scene from Aladdin when Aladdin talks about a girl he likes to the genie. Here's the videos compilation of the genie's scene. Merci'

Then while you afraid of what the world thinks about you, it's better you afraid of what you think about the world. The world is a pandora box that you decide what it contains, what awaits, what mysteries within. It's you decided what the world is when you think it's wonderful then it's as it is, when you said it's cruel and damned you're true.

All my life i tried to live like i wanted to. I've done anything i want to do and anything i think it's true as long i keep sticking to the manners. Well at least be polite to the oldies, be a good listener to them and obey them. I like being around oldies and talk with them it's fun and at least i can hear a lot of lame stories they've been through. Along the stories filtered the moral message from them and learn the manual guide to live lol

Well lately i found the people i hate the most is the person who have a lot of things in common to me. Same problems, same favorites, and almost the same life. The reason people hates us because they're the biggest fan of us and they doesn't want to show it. Just make it clear, talk, set aside the competition, and self pride

And God creates us with a sophisticated gene codes that brought from your chromosome and genosome codes no one is the same as yourself. You got your own favorites, attention of things, and hobbies that makes you're yourself. Well not all people stupid, you can say they're stupid or not from the way they talks lol i remembered a moment ago i saw TV and a guy talked and i can see he is really stupid lol omg i feel bad but he is an IDIOT lol. When the journalist asked for his comment about the kidney's day he said "Yea it's for the day... The day... What day is this? It's the world's kidney's day? Yeaaaaaah Kidney's day. Drink a lot, and damn the soft drinks! Drink water you'll be healthy!"
Damn i feel pity on him *wipe tears

I don't say I'm stupid i know I'm capable of everything but I'm not interested in some subjects or some thing. Well if i don't like one subject why am i have to know it deeper while i know i wont use it for sometime in the future i mean like i know decorating flowers is hell lotta skill but why do i have to master it? I can great at anything but i can't master everything. I don't want to waste my time to do what actually isn't myself. From now on i decide my own way and no one should take control of my life

lol enough for today's lesson of life. Well my life is kinda frustrating because of one thing lately. It's because MY BLACKBERRY CAN'T BROWSE THE INTERNET DAMMIT! Lol how can i cope of this torture it is miserable how my life going, i guess i'll just cope with the pain and sorrow wrap me keep me from the cold *okay this is over and too poetic lol hahah*
God bless you who read this to very the last line.

I Swear I Saw A Gorilla Playing Guitar There. But The Officer Gave Me A White Connecting Sleeve Shirt

For some certain reason i really don't have any words here but i always trying to write a lot of things that i wanted to share. Actually I've been attracted to new mobile phone from LG mobile called new LG Chocolate, i think it's just cool. The perfect phone for myself, like my own self. Despite of the dash of red over their head and feet. Well i think LG have been developing in these last 2 years. A lot. D'oh i can't help myself from gadgets they are cool stuffs. Gadgets help human life being easier aren't they but i wonder why they are so pricey. Maybe we're buying technology, and researches, hard work from people done the research

SOOOOoooo so so so so so what's in my mind is about emotional bond. So i have a friend recently came to me and shared about her love life soooo so so so so so ill tell you the story in third person view. Let's say there's a girl, and a boy named Billy, and Sarah *common name on your English book

So they were attracted, adore each other. Sarah likes this boy so much for uncertain reason. Sarah liked when Billy around. Call on late night held hand when hang out french kiss hug snuggles. Sarah found it difficult to keep on the track while a void cramped on her bone marrow. She agreed with Bill for keep it as it is. When they said love to each other they trust each other like no one else. They both have angel on their shoulders to keep an eye. Someone to lean on when about to broke without afraid of losing each other.

While they agreed on their uniquely shaped yet unavoidable relationship, Sarah felt something gibberish kept her awaken at night spoke on her ear lead her fingers of touching the numeric keypad. To give a message goodnight while in sudden a message was received while she wrote the new message addressed to Bill

Too bad that message weren't from Bill. Ruined the whole mood to sent a message she cried. Too long then dried until eyelids cover her sight. She thought that she'd better gone sleeping because her dream is better than reality.

She understand the consequences, the disadvantages of her relationship.

No emotional bonds, no secure, no warm hand to held her cheek when she need it
"How a question "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" helps girl from her sorrow

"How an official relationship helps one
"How emotional bond helps one's soul came out from despair, insecure, and inexplicably happiness
"How a word changed one's life

"I LOVE YOU... WOULD YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?"