Sweets, Gums, Gum is better but it Will No Longer Sweet

A dim fluorescent light up my table beside my desk i'm writing this in my bedroom still wearing my ripped jeans and white puppy shirt, just after broke the fast and sit here directly got nothing to worry beside a box that i promised to post it to my friend in malaysia. I always lazy regarding the cost to ship it there with an express package service as i remember i checked it costs about Rp 350.000 oh man that's a lot money imagine the poor collecting that amount could be more than a week and i'm spending it least than 5 minutes nah let's put that aside so lately i really got nothing to do except go out and spend my money still the same money burner kid and um go gathering with my friends going out with my closest friend and now she became a part of me and i'm about to faint *laughing. I'll talk about her later

And then i found that i have a less strength about to get a medical program i'm closing my eyes to whatever i must put the effort in case of getting it well just hoping miracle happens that's fool but i'm too tired i have studied all year and what did i got? Yes rejected

Ah my beard grow longer i wonder why am i do not as pale as i was last year, maybe because i burnt down my skin under the sun back then on Bali, or because i add some fish and chicken to my daily meal. I hope it could make me gone bigger but i found it stupid but what ever i hope i get bigger. Not even my body i hope i could be bigger than now on my social life i wish i could do like my buddy Yudha which has passed away a month ago, he was like so close with many many friend i thought he was picky because sometime when he saw a person he always commented at them and bad bad mouth and then laugh and here's my mellow moment comes again. I'll be playing guitar and sang a sad song oh lately i'm playing Dashboard Confessional's Dusk and Summer it helped. One thing i cured back on 2 days ago i was on the plane and i'm suddenly freak out because the bad pilot i'm afraid the plane will have a machine failure or something is coming toward the plane and the plane will goes like bang bang a lot of fire and i'm dead. At that moment i closed my eyes and put my favourite shure in ear earphone play a song and then i said "Relax it's all going to be alright if this plane going down it means you were destined to die here, and you'll be live on what's called life after the dead if you die then die you still able to see the people you love and don't have a troublesome on Yudha he's save now don't worry he wasn't in a deep pain, a deep regret or something bad happened to him because he is now save on His side and you must believe it, yes i believe. About the university thing you must have a bigger aim than now and that makes you have a goal on your life okay you will be have a college on states" i forgot on what am i saying to myself "things happened for a reason" "Fate is all in His hand" it means ALL things and could be every little thing. So i'm relieved like a little splash of dew on a mountain. That could be mean i'm cured from airplane phobia

I'm forcing to eat things now like crazy i'm gained weight now like 10 pounds and now my tummy is saggier than ever because an excessive skin that i get on a result from weight lost from 200 pounds to 140 pounds yeah that's a lot flappy tummy! I wish i'm able to do more exercises like the old days. I want my skin like i used to. Oh yes and um things changed i found i have to keep things childish to keep me going forward and yes here's my phone looks now

It's Blackberry storm but i give it a sticker. But after i got home i crave at amazon.com and they have this pattern  yes amazon pissed me off Argh

And yet another Birthday i don't feel i like my birthday because i'm going to congratulated all day and i'm too shy to face them all but okay there was so much of them congrats me on the facebook and some of them like "Although you do not know me i still want to wish you ...." and that's funny thank you for you that had take some of their precious time drop me a wall and congrats me wether from Facebook or SMS or call me that's so wonderful thanks a lot!

did you know i'm still on 11th grade? And still 16 *pft

well i just realized that i'm acting plain most of the time that made me not able to show how i really feel to my friends and family but i dare myself to fix it my eyelids became looser every single day. I must have put an excessive amount of excitement a bit more here. On my head