Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Goose Neck? I Know That Prevent Bacterias!

Please, the doors always open even when i close my eyes from whatever happening
i beg you please i want to hear the sound of your voice, the laugh, the sound of your breath, kiss my eyes before I'm lost, and feel your fingers on my palm

But the truth is, i can't reach you now...

I can't hold any longer, my eyes are about to close. But remember the doors always open even when I'm lost. Please give me a chance for the last time. I want to hear the sound of your voice. Before i close my eyes.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Oh Lord, What Makes It So Clear Just By A Word

I like you, I like you way too long now. I just don’t know what to say and what to react when I’m around you. You seem to be so not into love and things. I’m nervous when I talk to you because you react so different every other time. Please stop being so ridiculously unreachable. Do you know I'm screaming I love you and I really like you down here right now?

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Sorry Place To Hide Is Sold Out

A young man travels around Mexico where the sun is glaring hot and the wind smells salty, where everyone is not pale and talking in a strange language. Patrick Guado he named as stated on the letter. He came from Tuscaloosa, Alabama where he is raised by sisters in a orphanage for 18 years before one of the sisters,sister Benedicta found him almost freezes in front of orphanage door "That night was raining hard and i heard someone knocks hard on the door" that voice always playing all time in Patrick's head the only clue to find his family. Sister Benedicta gives him some money and a blessing, he bought some clothing and a paper to which given on the same time when sister Benedict sees him on basket crying there written his name and a message to whom found this boy.

He walked along the market and houses people staring at him which making him feel uncomfortable. He decided to ask around is there someone on this whole town looked like him. bars, clubs, houses, stores, pub, secondhand market, he finds it difficult when everyone said they don't know it. No one knows except the tailor an old lady with thick eye glasses white hair, veil, pale and her face looks like a witch a tad evil witch. She busied with her work, he said "Sorry" old lady still doing her work but before he say sorry for the second time she avert to his direction look the young man from the space between her eyebrow and the eye glasses half moon frame. She look at him from the top to the bottom and said
"Young boy, have a sit"
"Oh thank you" he replied then took a chair near him and sat
She said "There must be something brought you here from far away isn't it young boy?"
"How do you know?" he replied in surprise but then the old lady chuckle,
"Your bag young boy, it's not common for someone bring a big bag along and came into a small tailor store"
Patrick too surprised to say something suddenly the old lady put down her work and turn her body to where Patrick sat "So what do you want young boy?"
Patrick still a tad surprised but later he move his lips asking the same thing "Do you know a couple or someone that looks like me in this whole town?"
"What's the story?" she replied
"I came from an orphanage and looking for my real parents " said Patrick
"Wait let me look at you closer" Patrick lean his head toward the old lady direction, she touch the young boy's face and she began to cry
"What's wrong!" Patrick said
she said "I know this face"
as the lady said that Patrick began to speculate "Don't say a thing! Don't tell me that you are my mother!" she keeps crying scared
"Where have you been old lady! Why did you leave me there!"
she cried even harder and said "No! NO! She's not me! She is Damita! Kesare Damita! She living together with Abigail Lopez Guado. He is your father"
Patrick feel anxious "But how do you know all of this! You're a liar! What is your name!"
"Abi was someone for me someone who mean a lot to me. He promised me to wait when i am going to accompany my parents to another city to sell what my father done with minerals. I am Elisa, Elisa Dorota if that made you better"
Patrick cut the conversation "Oh I'm sorry go on then I'm listening"
"So Abi cannot preserve to wait and i heard that he met Kesare i know Kesare, she is beautiful, long haired, and a perfect woman for Abi. I'm hurted by what Abi done to me but i feel happy that he can find someone better than me. You don't know how much you look like Abi and Kesare"
Patrick held his head and grab his hair take a deep breath and exhale it and said "So how can i found this two people?"
"You can find them 30 minutes from here to shore direction there's a store called Abby's Taco near the shore, there they are" Patrick kissed the old lady cheek and said
"Thank you Elise you help me a lot" and he ran off towards the shore.

He is thinking what could be possibly happen when he met them what he must do when he met them while he is still running carefully for not to shake the content of his bag. Finally he stopped when he see the shore he repeatedly look at the store in front of the shore. He found the store called "Abby's taco" a black letters with a red and white circles around it gulps his saliva down, his knee is shaking and he takes another step closer to the booth. The booth is crowded and there's one old man and woman wearing a white polo shirt and red at the collar and a hat the lower body hid by the booth. He takes another step to where the booth is and a lot of steps till close enough to saw their faces. He lines up, it was 8 person before he met one of them. Now 5, 3, then 1 left. Seconds feels like doubling on it amount. Finally, the person in front of him got his taco. He came closer by taking a narrow step toward the taco stand. Now his turn "Taco young boy?"

Monday, November 30, 2009

Bro, Ashley's Here

I would do what ever it takes to get this little gadget. What's in the earth suddenly a person come up with an idea make a gadget for Wikipedia well that's nuts! $99 not a cheap thing but it'll probably worth.

Friday, November 27, 2009

A Bloody Fight Between Rusty Swords And Armed Policemen. Oh I Know It Must Be Han And Uighur. Chop!

Remembering the person you ever like. You lean your head to the wall on the classroom and sometimes stare at him/her secretly *rang rang Breaking time! You would be finding out where him/her would be going, and wondering what does he/she think is there you on their mind even just a milisecond.
Then when you about to go home, and about to approach the front gate. You are fed up, and bored but when you realize that you are walking behind him/her, you never feel as happy as this day in your whole life, and you would not forget the thing that brought u in.
Talk with them is a hard thing to do as well because it makes you trembled down just seeing her/him face. Waiting is all you got. If you have the guts you probably ask for a time to talk or ask them to go somewhere.
If yes then you will choosing what shirt would you wear, what style your hair will be, how nice you smell, and preparing what would you do when you met him/her to cover up how nervous you are .
Then you met them. All what you've been planning were drooled out, and you think you will go with the situation. Teases, laughs and touches. In the end you both had fun but time separates you both. It's hard to let him/her go but the time made you have to do it. You hope that you will meet him/her again sometime.
Go text him/her before you sleep! "Thank you for this day! Good Night buddy!" Then what would be nice is the next morning you wait for him/her in front of the gate to going inside the school area walking side by side.

I have a friend she likes this guy *cough* call it she loves this guy *cough*. Which she describe as "My feeling said so" but so lucky of my friend this guy close to her. They talk a lot then text a lot, but she kept this feeling in her treasure box locked tight. This guy has a girlfriend which is the relationship have been hitting a rock since the last two months. She's being patient all the time
"You know you're being patient after you able to calm down"
but in this case she can't bears the feeling. So she asks the boy
"Hey B, do you love me?"
He blabbering "You are one of the blah blah and you are in my heart blah blah..." eventually he don't answer the question. But after a lot of heart to heart talks they were dating. How happy the girls is even word can't describe. While what this boy doing is just hurting the girl feeling indirectly. He don't reply her messages, don't pick up her phone calls, not even meet her. So they decided to break up after had been dating for one or two months. Remember Guys like to play games, the most interesting part is doubter of a girl's mind "Could you be mine or not". I suggest to you to be mysterious okay! Now forget that boy and look for others lolol

Life is too short to waste endless experiences served upon. Don't waste your time for one thing that's not worth for you because even they don't care about you.
I once like a girl she's cute, she's the cutest girl in school. So i started to like her when i was 8th grade till 11th grade i was too nerdy to get her attention and too fat to look like the ideal man of her type
"If you wanted someone to be like what you want, it means you forcing one being a reflection of someone else"
I realized what's written above when i was graduated.
She don't like me at all for what i appeared to her, and what disturbing is "I don't like fat boys", and when i wanted to talk to her she said "I have a boyfriend" nice rejection for a conversation starter. But then i graduated i become skinnier, and i gave more attention to my hair.
Once i played at my former school, and she looked at me, i look at her too because she come closer. I don't have any particular feeling to her anymore even a bit. We talked a bit, she asked my number, and asks me to go out the following day *yawn* too lazy to do that

You must be grateful what surrounds you right now, you would not know that person or thing would help you sometime in the future, or you felt u can't let them go when they have to.
I always complaining about my close friends about this and that, and then the person i talked to said "It's your friend! Your best friend! The only one, since the other had gone. So why don't you try to know him more, so you can help him to be better rather than complaining of his bad behavior"That's a slap on my face
Then i changed since that time

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

They Always Do The Triple Flips! Oh Come On I Can't Stand Seeing Their Asses Waving Around

I wrote a lot about life in due of sharing what i've been thinking all the time because for me life is like an interesting thing to do. Maybe you measure enjoying your life is going to Paris, and have a great shopping with your close friends but for me enjoying my life is seeing every people around me, and socialize with them, seeing the sun rises, the sun sets is enough. Human created to socialize aren't they? They tend to communicate one to another. I like my life. Sometime i think the precious moment of living is just spend a few hours to drink tea on cafe corner, eating bread, and looking at peoples passing by. Get another bite of my bacon cheese filled croissant to feel how grateful, how healthy, and how lucky i am to have some money for sitting there.

Life is a game and it ain't easy, living life is the tricky part have to adapt with the surroundings which act like an eruption it wouldn't always be good at you. We have to take the risk. "Love is just a game" - The Magic Numbers guys like to play game my friend said and it's the explanation why guys always being such an asshole. He likes to chase a lot of girls, and leave them when he get bored of them is fun. While girls is more sensitive. So i think that the most exciting part of loving someone is, how long you're able to spend your time with them, how patient you are to take them as they are. I am writing all of this while looking at Michelle playing her cute Blackberry. Maybe it's not comfortable for her because i always stare her face for a long time, and just keep quiet. I am still young, i know God, and all the people knows that we are visibly young. The olds always take it as an experience but who knows

So earlier blog posts is all about life. What i've been thinking, and what do i think of love. I think not even one of you wants to hear about my relationship so I just would share my thoughts with all of you. Private life is still private lololol I guess...
I always hope this will be going forever. God Bless me, and you all.
Song for this moment: Bob Marley - Three Little Birds

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

7-Eleven is A Disturbing Store. It Gives Me A States Surrounding and Now I Wanted To Go To States

A lot of things have been going on me my hair is shorter, i got a "Snake Bite" piercing, and i bleach my hair. Beside of that all the people around is now acting nice. I can relax, drink milk on the morning do some skip and watch tv again.
I found a new excitement of being around beside 7-Eleven store that just opened, and going with busway it is dating someone. All what i've been jealous on is now being aided by a girl that good on stitching, stitch up my open wound I was beaten up withered and being perfect all the time I hate myself I hate how am i appeared on the mirror I always wish that I am someone else and i always ask to the reflection on the mirror "Who are you actually?" i never really like myself I wish I could stop the feeling but i never like me

Well it's all about learning learning to be better. To be a better man, to be a better son, to be a better person. We're all not perfect so being perfect is such a waste. The best thing is being the best the best in field, socialization, town, or world.
We created to completing each other, she's quiet and she is noisy there they be a best friend, he is fat and the other is skinny they are best buddies there must be a opposite thing on them. I admit that i changed and I don't know is this good or not. I like things that i thought an unnecessary foods like candies, soda drink, junkies meal and my behave is changed a bit.

Michelle is a candy maniac and i know some of good candies from her. Now i can eat up 4 pack of Tic-Tac a day or on one hour well that's pretty much sounded like a candy addict. People like what they amazed of and they become influenced by that, like when first i saw my cool cousins i started to act like them and i feel confident. It is back then. But we are human and amazed by a lot of little spark of life and restricted things.
I love Michelle so much and i am her buddy she is my girlfriend and also being my buddy too. I am affected by her hobbies and what she is into I am so happy that we met after we knew each other from
It was a fate or a fluke what ever we named it but i felt i am on the right place and at the right time when i met her. We met and a lot of things happened. I had been falling for her from the firsts and we become close to each other after that.

Well everything have a thing that supports them like Mulder and Scully, Scooby and Shaggy, Han Solo and Princess Leia, Sun and the other planets, you and your dog, C3PO and R2D2, James Hetfield and his friends, Photographer and his camera, Michael Myers and his big knife, Jaques Clouseau and Ponton, Johnny Depp and his coolness, Donald Trump and a comb they all need each other.

But Life is tough, we can't being alone going through this life.
Well, she is more like a partner to me a partner for going trough life.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Bye Bye I Have To Look Up

Dude, I'm sorry i can't keep being like this
i miss you so much and no one in this world feels the same as you
i just can't stand i mourn about you too long
one side i was so sad and one side i am linger
and i bet you don't like it too when you see me like this
someone said that i need someone to talk. It was you, but you're gone
I'm sorry i can't keep being like this you are my extended family
or maybe my whole family feel the same way
I'm sorry maybe you're shouting to me from there and said things like this for a long time ago
I'm sorry for not being sensitive, and in someway too sensitive
I'm glad knowing that you save there, and I will go on live my life
Thanks for being such a good friend

I'm going to visit your grave this morning :D

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Not Quiet Farewell

It could be the last time I wrote this blog. Let's say what happened to me is my turning point. Maybe it's just the time to take on everything by myself socialize with real people and share thoughts with them. This maybe not my last note or I'll change my mind someday I will make another blog or something useful. Thanks for drop by whoever you are and what ever you doing here. I remember a scene on Watchmen movie when Rorschach is being seducted by a whore he don't give a damn on her and the whore blabbered. Before there is any misunderstanding, it means I want to keep walking on my life. This blog made me got a lot of trouble. Thank you for your attention

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Han Solo

In a need and don't
like a sun keep it schedule to shine the earth
like smokers needs their cigars
helps to done a little thing which is noticeably unimportant or even important
abandon on what have been covering the cold and heat leave it melted on the floor
as you take it wash away without put your wits end
leaf falls on a closed room no air no one will touch it
like taking a breath, hurt every took an take an amount to inflate the chest
the hardest part of living is see you walk away
while i can't do nothing to prevent it
Please understand jealousy is not a good product from God
I will take care everything you give as long as you take a care of mine too
pin your hair it covers your eyes



Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I'm Sorry I Didn't Finish The Breakfast Mommy

This morning i had a dream about you
We gone somewhere over a place that looks unfamiliar for me
We are a backpackers i have the big one and you have that leather one we hung it on our shoulder
We drop by to a Coffee Shop we sat there on the corner.
I realize something strange, everyone is talking in different foreign language. I put my bag, and about to order some drink in the middle i met an old couple said "Looks like states eh?" i left you on the corner of this coffee shop
As i ordered a cup of coffee and waited till my order came out. The doors wide open"Bang!" it slammed i turn my back and i saw a big guy short hair white sleeveless shirt blue jeans and a Ray Ban covers his eyes. He came in. A poke on my shoulder made me turn my head "Vanilla Frappuccino young boy" i get the coffee by the plate, get some sugar, and go back to the corner where i left you.
I found that you gone from that corner. It is not even funny. I hold a bag i think it's yours and i gone further to where you sat earlier, there's another backpack and they all empty. I looked outside there's nothing instead of roofless car passed, sunny weather, and a palm tress on the corner of the street. Nothing i can hear instead of mix spoken foreign language by the visitor, none of them look at me or even give me something useful, information? It was sunny and a bank across this coffee shop and i heard a screeching tire.
i opened my eyes and see my room, the heart is thumping hard. I need a glass of water

Sunday, October 11, 2009


"Can... Can i hold your hand?
A little boy asks. words shaking shudder of unknown twirl in the spine
The girl hand is held by him
Road lights
Stores about to close

Rich.. Poor
High.. Average
Spoiled.. Mature
Likeliness.. No support

A song sung by him, and being a prayer
"She is my sunshine
"She makes me happy when the skies are gray
"You don't know dear how much i love her
"Please, don't ever take my sunshine away

Go Down, Take A Licking, Be Bested... Lose. Thumbs Down For You :)

that words haunting. Like a ghost. Look at these people who have a place that they routinely gone and see their friends there whether they know them or not they always saw them so they doesn't feel that they were lonely
Sometimes i feel like i wanted to study hard, but in fact I'm being steady. In one place, creased by a lack of concentration. You can't concentrate on more than two things at the same time so you have to put attention fully in one thing in one time. I know i know, let these words flow is easier than doing it

Sometimes i feel I'm a loser, a lot of time i feel I'm a big liar
No thing i can do to make those feelings gone
I'm a waste I'm a fleeting place to stay
Why am i have to be going in this way
No one will help me except myself
My own self

God, this is the last year, hear my voice. I want medical program Universitas Indonesia

Most Of My Time Spent Just For Making a Fool. Got a Problem With That?

I got a call on late night 
The phone rang
It is a friend of mine which is i just knew him from late 3 months
he pissed. Pissed because i don't take everything he said seriously
then this came out
A: "Why did you never get serious dude! Come on be serious!"
B: "No, i don't want to"
A: "So? Why?"
B: "If we're too serious we'll disappointed"
A: "Yeah it's right though.."

Who can stand hearing a story for guy fornicating, which is detailed? No one raise their hand
If there's no biological urge between a couple they might be not attracted to each other.
Curse sex before marriage!
It ruin everything, for example i know a boy who have a long distance relationship with his girlfriend they had been dating not for a long time, and then one evening the boy got a phone call 
*rang rang "Hello can we talk?" "Who is this?" "Oh this is Gerry" "I'm in the middle of a gig, how about call me later?" "Okay!" But then Gerry texted "The truth is i can't stand it being like this, i've been fulfilled her need" "what?" "I mean the last time i was in bed with her is 2 days ago" "Whoa whoa whoa what do you mean?" Then Gerry told it everything he hope that the boy can understand but broke down like uno stacks he was. What's the reason they've been asking about it while they still "a little more touch me". All the thing the boy said is "Where did you put my feelings to you while you doing that?"
Misused mistake

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

They Put A Plastic Bag Beside Me And Said "It's Uncommon To See You Alone Sir" And I Smiled

I explained about an ancient way to measure body to her that night when the TV streamed National Geographic Channel. Like a picture vitruvian man, the first drawing of human anatomy.
I said to her that she can measure her own height with just spreading her arms beside her elbow. She pays an attention that's good, and then i continued "It can measured from the edge of your longest finger which is your right middle finger to left mid..." but before i finished my words she done the same stance as i am then came closer, and wrap her hand on my body.

She asked that is it okay, she just wanted to done that but i said some words convinced her that it's not even a problem so i wrap my arms around her neck
On a moment of time all surrounding things made an elaborate musical composition in a form of rhythm. They coalesce as a song for a slow dance. The clock ticking matches the sound as we step making a circular movement changing place
I know how big she is how close our height is, she still small that time. Small enough to be in my arms. Feels nice maybe secure is the right word for that time. I can't get bored with it.

The greatest feeling of all time it is the feeling when i felt her cheek touching my cheek. It's just unbeatable. Words can't describe

Until she wanted a hollow patched for a moment, she cried, put her head upon my shoulder and then i held her back and rubbed back of her head i said "It's okay you're save now, you're with me"

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Ear Plugged Doll Head, Comb The Fringeeee!

It almost 4 months passed since i lost the only one i have. It isn't nice not seeing them around. It reminds me to a point where me and him wanted to make a present. I remember he shows me how to deal with strings and needles, he teaches me and and after it finished he laughed
Remembering someone just making me down into status quo, steady situation. Where i regretting many things that never happen. I wish he's still with me i'll take him everywhere, i'll ask him to ride me anywhere, and i'll introduce him to the one i care. But He's gone
I just still can't forget these things. I'm bored being like this
And no one ever feel the same as him.

I could buy an Tickle Me Elmo doll, or Transformers voice changer mask to make me forget these things. But at certain point i wanted to show the cool stuffs to him. I wanted he saw the best stuff in the world for current time, but the fact he is safe now. I'm tired of mourning

My brother said "It's fine for being young and still have a lot of friends surrounds while you getting older they all gone, they living their live, they being individualist" and i've been starting to feel that. Maybe i just have to get a university so i can have many friends and got young friends so i can keep up with them my childish act. Well i after all i got one more friend, but he had changed because a girl and i think it's enough to make a proof that a girl changing a way people behave.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Is It Butterflies In My Stomach or I Just Wanted to Go To The Toilet?

A family no matter how bad your siblings and cousins treat you, torture you, they done all of that for your own good. But it's now genuinely have been going. Ah.. Wait i have my own liquor

Your family could have been betray you all the time even you feel ashamed when you found out that they able to make a crisscross upon your statement, they could have make an opposite statement about it or they made everything up
They could have made you fall into a deep hole and cover it with sands till your lung filled with it, till there is no chance for you to fix it. Or maybe you can do the opposite put a mice trap oh it's too cute let's try another word a burglar alarm? Nah too common Batman trap sounded nice to put there. It may looks like a forest pig trap but it's big so their chest could be bitten with that trap
Blitzkrieg should come if i contacted them to kill my relatives. I want them felt how does it feel if they accused for doing something they are not, and how does it feel if they emotionally depressed. Your own family could be turned out to your biggest enemy just because a girl and money
The best thing to survive is just believe in yourself
no one will make you get what you've been dreaming for except yourself
Keep trying :D

*Nah it's just a sweet ice tea

Monday, September 21, 2009

Pretty face Dutchmen blowing bagpipe "Where Is Rabbi I Will Have Blessed By Then"

There are three matters that caused humans brain degenerated. Most of them if they face these things they will forget how to think clearly, they doesn't even remember electricity bill, newspaper bill, and water bill to get paid. Or even they totally forget that He the one above there is watching their behavior

At first human created, a couple called Adam and Eve. As all the bible said Adam and eve was putted on a round planet filled with gases which figured out lately as an oxygen. What they are doing? They attracted to each other, not knowing the truth that if Adam is gay or opposite Eve is lesbian. Or it might because of at first on earth there's no electricity, no other person like scientist that could make an artificial skin that could make a chain so there's no sex store exist. She must had been having a hard time because there's no phalus shaped peg for satisfying herself? Oh she might forgot an eggplant. But if it happens there would be no me and you that have been destroying earth. They had done an activity to reproduce so they able to carry on their generation grow. Till there was a religious ages where saints, and holy people walking around the society. Nah forget it it getting longer. So The first is Sex.
Primitive man fight for living. Where big predators whistling pretending around them that they doesn't want to eat humans, but when human blink then GAME OVER DUDE!. In other words they have to defend them self or die. Hunger smells in the air i wonder is there a chicken on stone age? Maybe they doesn't looks like nowadays which small light and cute they probably magnified 3x to 4x in size. They could had killed them roast or bake how do you like it hun? But i don't think they able to fry it because they haven't found a hard shining plate that called steel at that time. Oh excuse the babble if on stone ages there was a frying pan and gas has invented at that timethere might be a KFC store (d'oh like flintstones?) and were could have been having a good relationship with aliens now. They kill living creature for food or maybe they have a fight between human and eat the body. The second is food and hunger.
and, what happened between 28 July 1914 - 11 November 1918 around europe? There's a person facing a monitor with a line graphic, radars, and radio transmitter, a large center of defense, where high end computers line up on the tables one man each table to discover new informations, it hundreds of them. There is no chance to open up YouTube and watch From First to Last music video or just practicing guitar from top guitarist lessons. Blood shed, millions bullets scattered on the ground, fire soars in the air, thousand bombs thrown, the result? World War I million peoples are dead when facing the time. They still young and strong, oh fuck the people who invented guns and explosive my second cousin's grand father lost his hand on a war that caused by a land mine. Fuck the people killing each other for the sake of their God. Fuck the people who is crazy, kill and rape his girlfriend, fuck the tribes held a war between and chop each other with blade, there's still many important thing to do rather than doing that things. Fuck the people who blow their emotion lightly because of silly things, fuck the people angry on what chords is misplayed, wrong finger pressing, and hard to teach, fuck the people who do not be patient on teaching their pupils, fuck the teachers, fuck the schools fuck everybody who hate us. So The Third is war, anger, unbearable emotion.

i hate this post genuinely. I made this post because i can't hold it my brother and sister become crazy lately

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Prejudiced Resentment

Feel the rain touch
the smell of wet grass wetted soil
the breezing air
a cup of nail warm english breakfast
shelter under the rainbow colored umbrella
disgraced value of self-importance

Friday, September 11, 2009

Is Love is Sparkles, and A Ray of Light?

Days and days passed i've been hoping for a new day come and still i'm stuck in this circumstance the need to educate myself rather than being lazy ass sleep all day. There should be more time to watch National Geographic Channel, and bend knees in lazy rattan chair, eating chocolate pudding and drink soy milk. All question popped above am i getting older and bored with this routine on the other side stagnated on current intelligence?
It's getting bored when i have no place to study, brain out and pull my shirt hey i'm thirst for being trained!

And oh my hair sucks, no more good hair day and someone said "i like your hair" it's more like Matthew Tucker nowadays, too lazy to cut it again. But i still cut my friends hair. When i prefer simpler styling. No extra money for hairspray *evil thorn

There we made an appointment a week before. She said "Hey cut my hair" sure i would like to cut her hair. Cut tilt head forcefully her face on my both hand i wish i can kiss that cheek that time. Then rechecking, lights down. Great but she looks fine!

We've been facing each other while we sat. I hooked my hand on her left foot and she put her left elbow on my left knee. The lights down, presbyopic made my sight unable saw her face clearly passing car's light lighten it sometimes. There's a glance of her look but i stare straight whatever it takes

I sat beside her and took a reason to look at her hair but i just wanted to see her face closer, and then i asked to get something to eat again then she agreed but i had been suspending the time to look at her face additionally for about several hours

Bad luck she notice it she said "Hey it's getting darker the clock pointing at 10:30 PM!" but i stepped my left foot i lean my body towards her and i said "Hey would you be my girl?" she giggled, what came out next is "What took you so long" he hit my chest then i replied "I'm sorry actually i've been thinking about this too long, and i planned to say to you before you asked that question last night" then she keeps quiet

What happened the night before was, she texted she wanted to ask about something, i replied "Yes?" She asked about what am i going to done with my previous statement like a month before. I told her that are i love her, and don't want to lose her. Well she just wanted to know what am i going to done with it. But then i replied "Let's be a boyfriend, and girlfriend then! But i have to say this directly to you! Just wait", and then i wrote a new message before she replied it "We're going to meet aren't we?" she didn't answer it but she replied complaining about why am i have been suspending it for a long time.

Back to the room where i cut her hair it was unventilated, and the lights down. A candle with a weird form accompany us seen the surrounding, while my little cousins playing around us. She have been smiling, and then i bewildered with that look so i tried hard to open my mouth,and said "So what is it? What's the answer?". She nod her head then close her eyes saying "Yes" while nodded open it again after she said that, and she continue the word "And now you are my boyfriend, and I'm your girlfriend". She wanted to get up but pulled her arm and said "Give me a hug" then we hug each other tightly till we almost fell to the floor. It was dark, about to middle of the night on September 2nd, and i hold her hand

The next day we met again i wear polo shirt which is looks neat and she dress up so scene although she looks fabulous. I have no idea what are we going to do what would be happen next that evening. I wanted to blew the candles with her so i said "Let's buy a cake" but she don't let me to because got one. She kidnapped me on her house watching National Geographic Channel about oil barrel and mosques, and commenting on some local show and laugh. Then a moment after, she said "Miko you're turning 20!" but what popped on my head is this about the time? Oh geez yes it is. Then she hugged me and kissed my cheek. She took that heart shaped chocolate cake with an surplus amount of sparks candle, 24

"Make a wish!" she said, and then i made a wish, blew the candles hard but the candles lit up over, and over after it blowed. But eventually she helped me then done! I still can't say a word, just smiled along. She asked me to wait. She got a present for me. She enter her room, and came back with a cloth that she cut, and sew by herself I was confused at first trying to figure out what is it but after i observed it i realize it is a blanket. I totally like the Mickey head shape cut that she stitch on each corner. I said "Thank you", and i give her a hug once more. But too bad i have to go home, i asked her to accompany me to get a cab, we walk to the nearest road while she eat that chocolate cake then i got one bite of it then i said bye i hug her and kiss her cheek again. That's how the story goes

is love is a ray of light?

Thursday, September 10, 2009

"I Thought I Was Wrong So I've Got To Move On" she said

I miss a scent of someone, and yet i miss my time being around her
but yes i take back my previous words because of this

It's started out on May 8th i saw my friend's wall, and i saw this foreigner girl drop him wall called his name, i started to think that it's a fake profile but then i decided to give it a peek, maybe i'll add her when i'm pretty sure she's real. But every time i drop a wall to my friends she is there drop a wall as well so i decided to add her. I am sure enough some rich girls, and high class peeps would not accept my friendship request but she approve it right away, and dropped me a wall just to say thanks then sure i replied it. We talked a lot till sushi, and popsicles mentioned. It lasted a week till i ask her number. We text a lot, and move on to YM! Every night start above 11 PM, and it usually end up between 4 - 5 AM it's not fair i hooked up on my laptop while she hooked up with her cute little Blackberry lay down on her bed, and didn't fainted when the phone thwack her face, while I'm using my laptop. But then i gather some money to buy the same phone as her. Not for a long time then i bought it. Yes we've been chatting all the time. What ever i said or what ever she said we never got bored on each other although we saying useless words all the time.

Until one day i wakened by a call from my friend he said I have to attend band briefing to talk about what song will be playing next, who will play what instrument, and what gig we should play also when is it. I was talking with her after i took a shower. Then she said she had been on PIM since an hour before but i thought she would not meet me, she probably get her ass off, and ran to somewhere else before i arrived there. Unfortunately, when i'm about half way to get to the meeting point they said that they cancelled the appointment, and i thought "Oh great i would stuck on PIM alone". Then i ask her whether she would be there or not. But she convinced she would be there till 6, and i freak out. Okay there Dunkin Donuts hairy boy dressed in tight Iron Maiden tees, skinny jeans, tight hooded sweatshirt seek for a foreign girl there's no way to walk out, there's no sign of her appearance on the outer seat, but there she goes they both sat on the corner near that window. A girl and her uncle, so the boy waved and taken a closer step, he shook her uncle's hand, and said "Hello" while he can't wait to turn his head to right where the girl sat. He smiled to her uncle and turn his head to right. The boy still smiling while he took a glance of her face. But next the boy given his hand foreign girl grab it they shook. After months, and months been chatting without heard each other voice, thousand bytes spent on the internet, countless emotion they shared, this is the first time they met the first time they touch. The boy fell into his shallow daydream for a moment but the imagination, torn apart when she said "Hello" her voice is just exactly like he expected, but the boy smiled still. He has been thinking how completely different she looked from the pictures the put on the internet but in a good way she's exactly like what he had been imagining all the time. How surprised the boy found that her hair is brown.

Some days passed we meet again, again, and again, till there's a moment we gone to some place with her and her uncle certainly for a work. It was cold and windy that time when the four of us talking on a tiny hut around there. Me, my friend Ricky, her and her uncle. Ricky, and her uncle were wanted to go to the toilet while unconsciously they leaving the both of us on the small bamboo hut. The wind blown so hard, and also breezy at the same time. I fold my knees, and i realized we never as close as this. So close till i can see that brown eyes. I curse my mouth for what will i say next, this happened because my limb works before the brain processes it. So i said "I just knew that your eyes were brown" then i was mumbling hard "stupid stupid stupid" in my mind because she keeps quiet for a moment till i regretted it. But she suddenly look at my eyes as well but i know there's nothing special about my eyes but who knows if the right is purple, and the left is green. The day become night the sky like a blank canvass the painter up there scattered stars on it i said how come in this time in a place like this there's so many stars there and i said "Look stars!" and she said "Oh yes!" God put his hand on the whole day.

Couple days passed I've been making a gap because I thought that I'm nobody, and I have a long list insufficiency. But i think something's lost, something's not right if it keeps on going this way, and probably i will have been living with a fool mark on my brain for ever. Then i decided to talk to her and face it, we meet at that Fish n Co. I eat Fish n' Chips but as always she didn't eat some. I finished my meal, she started the conversation with "So what's the matter you said that you wanted to talk to me?" I was running out of words in sudden when she said that. I said a lot of "like" like this "i was like sort of like having this like" but there the word came out "Mickey i love you" but she didn't hear that clearly so she started to say "You know sometimes you talk about things unclear like you always do...... I've read something about a person like you like sometimes..." she was blabbering, and i kept quiet till she asked again "So what is it?" i said it once more "Mickey listen, i love you" she didn't hear that too, she talking about what she mentioned before. I was dropped, my self esteem became lowered. I remain quiet. She asks again "So Miko what is it?" i said "I love you M...." then she continuing her blabber about what she thinks about me. So i cut it "Mickey! Okay there's two things you need to know for now" i show my fist, and let my little finger pointing up "First, i love you" followed by ring finger pointing up "Second, i don't want to lose you that's it"

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Oops, Pardon My French

i can say i will live outside Indonesia and live my life like i wanted to, watching TV on late night and picking fruit from my own garden on the morning like having a small apartment and teaching music while college too
but that's all a dream. I can say it every time i want and as often as i want
i could say i will get a car on the next day after i say this
keep it real don't be too much we can have a plan but if God says no it would not happen how wealthy i am how adequate i am to be in that situation
keep it below the radar and keep the hope soars above the satelite, thats the thing

Sweets, Gums, Gum is better but it Will No Longer Sweet

A dim fluorescent light up my table beside my desk i'm writing this in my bedroom still wearing my ripped jeans and white puppy shirt, just after broke the fast and sit here directly got nothing to worry beside a box that i promised to post it to my friend in malaysia. I always lazy regarding the cost to ship it there with an express package service as i remember i checked it costs about Rp 350.000 oh man that's a lot money imagine the poor collecting that amount could be more than a week and i'm spending it least than 5 minutes nah let's put that aside so lately i really got nothing to do except go out and spend my money still the same money burner kid and um go gathering with my friends going out with my closest friend and now she became a part of me and i'm about to faint *laughing. I'll talk about her later
And then i found that i have a less strength about to get a medical program i'm closing my eyes to whatever i must put the effort in case of getting it well just hoping miracle happens that's fool but i'm too tired i have studied all year and what did i got? Yes rejected
Ah my beard grow longer i wonder why am i do not as pale as i was last year, maybe because i burnt down my skin under the sun back then on Bali, or because i add some fish and chicken to my daily meal. I hope it could make me gone bigger but i found it stupid but what ever i hope i get bigger. Not even my body i hope i could be bigger than now on my social life i wish i could do like my buddy Yudha which has passed away a month ago, he was like so close with many many friend i thought he was picky because sometime when he saw a person he always commented at them and bad bad mouth and then laugh and here's my mellow moment comes again. I'll be playing guitar and sang a sad song oh lately i'm playing Dashboard Confessional's Dusk and Summer it helped. One thing i cured back on 2 days ago i was on the plane and i'm suddenly freak out because the bad pilot i'm afraid the plane will have a machine failure or something is coming toward the plane and the plane will goes like bang bang a lot of fire and i'm dead. At that moment i closed my eyes and put my favourite shure in ear earphone play a song and then i said "Relax it's all going to be alright if this plane going down it means you were destined to die here, and you'll be live on what's called life after the dead if you die then die you still able to see the people you love and don't have a troublesome on Yudha he's save now don't worry he wasn't in a deep pain, a deep regret or something bad happened to him because he is now save on His side and you must believe it, yes i believe. About the university thing you must have a bigger aim than now and that makes you have a goal on your life okay you will be have a college on states" i forgot on what am i saying to myself "things happened for a reason" "Fate is all in His hand" it means ALL things and could be every little thing. So i'm relieved like a little splash of dew on a mountain. That could be mean i'm cured from airplane phobia
I'm forcing to eat things now like crazy i'm gained weight now like 10 pounds and now my tummy is saggier than ever because an excessive skin that i get on a result from weight lost from 200 pounds to 140 pounds yeah that's a lot flappy tummy! I wish i'm able to do more exercises like the old days. I want my skin like i used to. Oh yes and um things changed i found i have to keep things childish to keep me going forward and yes here's my phone looks now
It's Blackberry storm but i give it a sticker. But after i got home i crave at and they have this pattern  yes amazon pissed me off Argh
And yet another Birthday i don't feel i like my birthday because i'm going to congratulated all day and i'm too shy to face them all but okay there was so much of them congrats me on the facebook and some of them like "Although you do not know me i still want to wish you ...." and that's funny thank you for you that had take some of their precious time drop me a wall and congrats me wether from Facebook or SMS or call me that's so wonderful thanks a lot!
did you know i'm still on 11th grade? And still 16 *pft
well i just realized that i'm acting plain most of the time that made me not able to show how i really feel to my friends and family but i dare myself to fix it my eyelids became looser every single day. I must have put an excessive amount of excitement a bit more here. On my head

Monday, August 31, 2009

Power Ranger In A lazy Summer, Beaten Up By A Crab

i eat my own shit
it doesn't feels good
don't have a great picture of how hurtful it is
so let it be, like
every going car have a destination if it isn't they wouldn't pass by on the road
wheels representing body they spin, surged by a middle force
and one don't know. Lips are sealed
The stream reach it's skyscraper tower gave an fathomable letters they said "voices prevail"
but whatever the name is we should took over the eyes

Monday, August 24, 2009

Two Mall Securities Stand Around Me When I Open Up This Goddamn Laptop And Writing Things. Maybe They Think I'm Gonna Blow The Whole Mall

It's Ramadhan. means the moslems have to fasting. Have to hold they desire to eat, to hold their lust and many more *like some CD commercials
and every morning the kids around always keep me awake. Like a life-o-walking alarm clock passed in front of your door. Some of them hitting drums, some tambourine, some shouted like "SAHUUUR SAHUUUR~~!", and some put an amount of gasoline in their mouth and burst them upon the fiery torch
Okay i made up the last one
So it's ramadhan some of moslems do fasting and so am i. Keep following the oldies d'oh. So fasting means to hurt your stomach. Keep them empty for a day and make them full before night. That's odd blah. So this is the first time i made a random post since my last friendster blog. So i said a much of "so". So...... ahh cut that crap
I'm writing this on the edge of the world in the most hype place in this whole city and probably where all teenagers in this whole town gathered. Pondok Indah Mall Food Court. I waited for my my meal going down to my stomach so there's some spaces for Quickly bubble whooggle icy drink. Still full and hurts. I'm writing this on the corner of some pillars blah blah
I don't want to go home. I want to go somewhere and spend the night there. Actually i watched a movie at the theater by myself a cool stuff but not the effects G.I Joe i remember when i was little i have them on my toy box they can stick on the big vehicle because they have a magnet underneath the shoes. Blah the film was cool but the effects made it awful. I woke up in the Morning about on 11 (is it morning?) and didn't shower, gone to some university on 3, checking where the Australia embassy is, and get on the Pimmy (cute nickname eh?) on 4:20 and watched G.I Joe on 4:30. Oh My God i can't hold it i want to laugh.
Did i looked like foreigner till someone came closer to me ask for a donation for an orphanage in English? He was like "that's a book if you want to donate for the orphanage.." and i waved my hands and said "No thank you, you don't have the letters said that i have to give you some money" and he smiled and just gone (sounded selfish eh?). I wonder he sneak out on my back and chop me on my back booo scarryyy~~~
lol the mall is about to close. They take the dirty plates. Is it that fast? Oh it's just me
My friends now have some distance with me they have they own business, like GIRLS. Why a girl probably changed one habit? They probably changed in behave and sometime act cool. FINALLY i got my own time for myself this day. I hang out with my imaginary friend haha. My tummy still full and i think i want to force Quickly whooglie booglie bubbles to my tummy before it's close. Blah bye!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

There's Must Be a Reason Why He Dressed Up In White

I really can't concentrate on a thing. Even to reply a short message services from my friend or talk to someone I can't get what they deliver to me and meanwhile I explained something I would stop for a moment and said to myself "what are you talking about?" there would a hollow moment then i forgot about everything. I'm thinking too much about negative things and got frighten for it well. The best thing to do is to face it, a coward runaway from their responsibility. But I really wanted to get a green card and live somewhere on the states and teaching music. Have you ever feel the same way as me? You iron caged by a situation and dilemma while at one side about your own happiness and one side about other's

But I just get back from Bali for a so called vacation. Actually my dad have a congress and some doctors to train there for 3 days so we decided to follow him. We as me and my sister. So the thing I didn't like is my hotel is far from Kuta, and my oldest bro can't join us because he suffers a Jaundice. The good thing if he joined he would do some useless activity which is i like. Rather than sitting and drinking. Come on we can do anything in Bali. I wanted to eat traditional foods, walk along the streets and live like Balinese do. Wear sleeveless shirt and short pants and burnt my skin under the sun. But actually it was fun back then. I learned something from my visit to Bali that I was thinking too much about negative things but doesn't have a great force like I used to before. I was exhausted about university shit and probably i'm planning to get a scholarship abroad

Err do anyone like to play twitter? I've made an account there about a long time ago but I decided to left it because I thought its just for famous people. Well an example if i was following a porn star twitter she would be saying "Cherry Blossom is sucking a dick" yeah I give a shit! I mean come on who wants to know what are we doing in a second unless were a local celebrity. Actually i want to know what my idol doing or said but I didn't get the point. Do they add something to our knowledge? I really wanted to use that thing but still didn't get it what would I do there *giggle. So i'm using Plurk from about June or something in this year lol. Ah it's 1:36 i want to wash my body and go to the theater watching movie. Yet alone again lol. I Haven't get my time alone

Thursday, August 13, 2009

No Need to Think Further to Read This

i let myself falling
sometimes i feel i need to cheer up but i deny it

this is it! *Farah Quinn style *ahem*

I can't fully put my attention into something lately, that's probably the most annoying moment where you was busied with your cell phone and someone is talking with you and they get pissed because you don't listen when they talk, but in fact you type "hey i'm busy catch you later" to your buddy on cellphone. But now my attention is scattered for studying, probability, university, parents, and friends

Do you know how it feels like when you were accused to do something while you didn't do it at all or even you never thought about it? The last time my mom got mad at me and blame me all the way she want. I really wanted to say "Okay mom what do you want to know" i really want her not just get angry every time i want she being my mom. Listened to my problems, my difficulties, and help me to solve the problems. But she treat me like a toddler while she didn't realize why i made that mistakes why i done such thing and why i was acting like that

I'm confused that i was too sensitive lately i touched with a tiny sparks of surprises and simple things

But well i visited Yudha's grave 2 days ago and i wrote something for him. I put it inside a tiny plastic bag to prevent it damaged from the weather. I hope he can open it and read it when the night came and the sun's down and the moon take his working shift. It's a part of The Devil Wears Prada's lyric a song called Louder Than Thunder and then i asked him wether he's fine or not. I said he can visit me anytime. Sure i won't be scared if you appears anytime

And all mixed become one when i was there it reminds me the day when i knew him about 4 years ago he'd asking me to hear a band called Killing Me Inside while the song playing at the MySpace music player. I watched these guys when i attended Java Rockin Land on August 7th there. They played the first three chords of the Tormented. I don't know the chords maybe like D - A# - B# (maybe? hahaha). When that chords played i had a flash of his face and have a clear picture of it. The day when he ask me to came closer while i was busied with my cell phone. On that moment i wished he was there

I'm hoping that he's doing fine there and he isn't need to straighten his hair, no need to flatiron his hair anymore. While me still struggling to get a university in this world

The fact that, i failed again on university test and then i'm sorry Dad, i really really sorry for still haven't got a university while you really wanted me to get a medical program well im working on it. I really wanted to make you happy but remember i never done something stupid or left my education behind. I put education first above all things in my life. I hope i got a university as soon as possible. I'm terribly sorry Dad
. I've put "UNIVERSITY! MEDICAL PROGRAM" in the first list on my head, in last two years

and i learned something from a word called Love because i get into a situation called Jealousy. I am a plain people i'm boring and nothing special about me, i was soaked on a situation where i felt i have nothing to be proud of