Friday, July 16, 2010


Life lately been obscured. I feel like i'd knocked by hypnotherapist then i've gotten away by my self control
I keep waking myself up... I never reach my consciousness
Then i realize that I was stuck in the most enormous and the longest lucid dream in human history

Uncountable deep inhale and exhale i did
I didn't know could i handle the shame when i keep going what i've been longing
or should i keep doing what I'm doing for another own happiness
the bad insomnia stuck back in a bad package and in the wrong time

I'm trying to fulfill what's needed to be a grown up go to college, working, and being a little wiser
I don't want to but i have to. Make choice, be real, and correction
Realize that you have to do something with a full force. You shouldn't split up your attention into several things
Realize that you can't use the time with all activity that you want
Realize how perfect you are by making choices
Then you will know, who you are in piece

A self portrait of myself

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Hello I'm Getting Singapore's $1 Ice Cream. Does anyone Want?

I was hoping that this blog of mine is less dead than it used to so
i wanted to share you guys about my personal life. I don't know who you are, and you might think that it was interesting to know something about life of a stranger out of your neighborhood then you're on! I'm gonna share a piece of my life.

I'm the last son of 3 siblings.
My first brother was Ronald he was tall 6" foot or somewhere and tough guy some kind of bully on your high school but with soft side. He's bald. Just cured from a sick myopia till like reaching 10 or somewhere 0,5 below 10. So it was kind of weird seeing my brother for the rest of his school life with thick frame glasses and in the last 5 years it's not hanging around his face anymore.
The second was a sister called Aqilla but she also has a nickname which sounded cute "Dee Dee" she was like sort of quiet girl being introduced to liquor and weeds. Then got a bunch of cool stuff on her iTunes with ambience sound, and a lot of sampling "bleep bleep clack clack kapow!! Booom boom Bam bam ooh!" stuff. Basically she's the person i always hangout with
and the last was me i better keep me as you know i am. Basically i like computer a lot, and i like making out with trees. The latest was for sure a lie

I have a girlfriend for christ sake. We've been dating for almost a year i wish i can remember all dates just as easy as i install the Snow Leopard. I haven't bought it yet but i decided to share the cost with my cousin to afford it. What a lazy ass he was, he haven't bought it since the moment i told him to like 60 days ago well nearly.

So at the moment i was too lazy to explain about what happening to me you can just scroll down and read the previous blog entries.
Then u know i was a bit stressed out with my universities attempt, then my big brother.

About the last one, the story goes to like 8 years ago. He was high school and met a girl. He asked her to be his girlfriend but the girl have something else to consider. This girl is being asked to marry someone so the girl asked to my brother "Do you want to date me? If you're not i want to get married". Then blam! Gone! Every stories was washed away they were gone. My bro have a life and the girl have a life.
8 years later they meet each other the girl now has 2 little company and without her husband around anymore. Then you know where the hell the story goes

My brother loves this girl so much, he likes to go hangout with that girl
spend most of the times together, he likes her company, he really enjoys her company in life and he hopes that the company was in unlimited time.
He likes to compare things in what happened in current
like what if what happened in him occurred in our daily life. What would happen if what he has been through, the feel of joy, the feel of comfort, the playful side of him unleashed to the whole new environment that he has been suits to was against the parents will
He wanted that parents understand what he has been suffering was the parents fault. He wanted to change the way they think.
i totally understand that.

The thing that bothers me is that my brother makes my momma cried a lot.
I remember once he mention about karma
i don't really believe that kind of thing was existed but as he believe then let him believe it does existed
let's look back at the karma
He said "The only thing makes i was sinful right now was i was against you guys (the parents) but i know I'm doing the right thing"
Karma talk! How if that words came out to your face from your child?
Please let me know where the hell that i can be so wrong to tell that my brother was wrong?

Dear Amazonian, I want That Animal Skull You Wear For Helmet

It's reaching the end...
I live in Jakarta looking for universities for 3 years
and none of them turns out being where i'm going to
life is being incoherent
I always blame myself for all the time
24 hours a day, i blame myself for what I'm doing, and what should i do naturally and would gives a fortune, knowledge, money, or producing something
what i never stop is just hoping and believing

It was almost the same when you gone diving at night, alone
i wasn't sure to go where or at least knowing which direction to know where I was destined to
i was unsure of going through, thinking of running out of air, take the whole risk or die in sea?
it was difficult
i always hope that a boat with one of my family member or police patrol found me before i was suffocated under the sea and breathless

You know, ultimately...
What's the meaning of life?
Grow? learning how to survive on the jungle earth
learn how to swallow pill when i got fever, learn how to use fork and spoon, make instant meals when I was starving, watch TV when my favorite blue round, red, yellow talking creature is on, sleep at my bed alone, have my first word learned, learn to read books, big enough to go to school, fast forward we were smart enough to provide some money, know about sex, and how to impress people.
i found some multi-billionaire still were not satisfied for what they got now
confusing? Get a check list they fulfilled the needs all of them.
What you pursue in your life is what makes you passionate about it, what makes you happy when that first thing pop out in your mind. What makes you could think "This sweat is worth of what they dropped for"
That's what you should fight for