Monday, December 27, 2010

Hold Your Hands Together And Bow

I want to write a lot of things but since 3 days ago i nested in my bed, had a fever and nausea which occurs till now. I don't feel really well, have an urge to vomit, headache, and twirling tummy does anyone have a same symptoms like me? I read a lot of people on twitter are. But well i just want to say Happy Christmas to all of you. 

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Maverick Is A Top Pilot Maverick Is The Best Pilot Maverick Died Over Watching Looney Tunes

My height is always be my problem. I am 5'7" which slightly shorter than my friends even girls and quite  embarrassing while i have caucasian bloodline *ahem* a little *ahem
and because in average people height is around 5'8" i am noticeably an inch shorter
I was born as this small skinny kid which i think a little make sense looking back at my height while my brother is 6'1" it's the reason why i always wonder why am i this tall. I don't want to get beaten by him. Ever
I read somewhere that it is possible that we can be taller if we have taller sibling. Or is this just my growth works a little slower than it should be.
well at least they saying bullshit about shorter guy doesn't get attention and hot girl
i got both

and she's 5'8"

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Meet Chelsea

Meet Chelsea, She's a white labrador while another Labrador born black
She came on mid July while i am imagining about Labrador mixed with Golden Retriever, She came on some peculiar morning running around with big leg, and good shaped head
She licked my face when i squat near her at the very first time she crawl into this house

No one know since the time she came here that i have a plan to takeover her, i always take here everywhere when no one's at home
I bathe her almost every week and make sure her meal bowl fulfilled

What strange from these words are. Why am i writing about her like she's faraway
Because she's not fully mine, she belongs to my aunt and because my aunt always been busied then i always take care of Chelsea.
No one in this house knows that i called her Chelsea.
Hope she can keep this secret
High five Chelsea!

Should Be Without A Title But That's Alright

"But O, how bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes." - Shakespeare

I believe behind every events lies a reason
And every single people that live in this world linked by several events in their life
i am scared not being genuinely honest to myself
i wasn't live this life for another people
what holds me back was shame
and shame shall getaway
i am ego

Song mood for today: Nur Ein Wort - Wir Sind Helden

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Well You Look Good On That Dress, That Way Is The Way To The Librarian

Hello folks it's been a while since i was had my mid exam and a lot of laziness to power up my computer. My mid exam went well but not the scores i'd tried my best but it turned out into this well i guess i need to try harder i've been playing a lot lately though. I read novels more often than i rehearse the subjects lately. Do you know that ride in amusement park in which we sat on one line with another four, and theres a bunch of people on other side, and it will shoot the seat to the upper tower part and gone back down and go up again and go down over and over, i think it's scary yeah like this morning i had a dream that there's two people that i remember the face, i always pass the by in campus. In my dream we were in an elevator he was lighting a cigarette, then the elevator shows warning, then it works like that thing gosh i wish i know what that thing was called. okay picture *if i can find any

Oh scientific method, i kinda afraid of heights, not like some people with exaggeration but i think I'm normal to afraid of bungee jumping. I'm still fighting on it i don't know should i accept or fight for it. Because i remember earlier when i was at elementary school i told everyone that i had claustrophobia the fear of closed space or narrow spaces. Meanwhile I DON'T REALLY AFRAID OF THEM. I think i want people to give a little more attention on me, i don't know why i don't remember why but i like it. I like when people look at me scared in that particular spaces like (back again) elevator. And till finally i was too tired to act like that i am scared, i am normal. Don't you feel it too when you got stomachache you'll think its just some activity happening in your body, but when you know why is it moving or aching it hurts more. Like when i was fat i didn't know that i always had gastric but then lately i found out it was gastric, it hurts more. I think it's just a matter of mind tricking, what you want to fear then you do. If you didn't fear, you didn't. 

Song mood for current time: Commodores - Easy
I like the old videos playing along the song. It makes more calming (well except of the anarchy parts)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

It Would Be Less Accurate When You Do That While Holding Your Ear. And I'll Be The Last Thing You See

Yesterday night i was crazy about Alienware M11x remembering how cheap it is compared to how much the price is. Everyone in the Alienware headquarter must be crazy i5 Processor, 4Gb of RAM, and 1Gb of VGA as low as $999. Plus my thick framed frame geeky friend will be jealous of the presence of Alienware Computers in campus HALLELUJAH!
But the Alienware is less interesting since there's a lot of negative comment on the assembling and blank screen. It's so crucial when it came to a company as huge as Dell Alienware because everyone's eye on them. So i continue to wonder back to my earlier lust Macbook Air! As usual of my days lately i always check on Indonesian Apple website just to check the New Macbook air availability of course.
Click to enlarge
That's what i got just then on so i assume that Apple Computer had been preparing for the actual stuff to arrive. Please just be quick don't do the same thing on your iPhone 4. It's your fault that i've been spending it before i got the phone. Sucks *sigh
It's 2 in the morning my exam would be on 8 this morning maybe i can just wake up at 7 then. Actually I'm in Mid Semester Exam week now so i need a lot of work on Discrete math and some holes to patch.
Do you know Brands Essence of Chicken? It would probably a great fuel for breakfast skipper I've been drinking that for a week and it feels great till now. I don't have plan for this December so instead of thinking to go somewhere, i want you to tell me what you're gonna do in this new year's eve. 
I definitely go for some (heavy) drink hahaha ;)

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

You Face Book Me. Sorry I Mean I'm A Book Face

I enjoy my time looking at thick books i seem that i could read them laid back on my bed, sniff and brush my cheek to the paper. I love how it smell also expensive books smells good rather than just ink and papers. Almost the same feeling when sometimes i saw really firm money and imagining the faces on the money had a face lift.

I could even imagine from where the book shipped from if it's from England, then I'm smelling England. If it's from California, I'm smelling California.

I told my significant other that i would like to have a little library for us someday and we can actually start collecting the books from now. Imagine a house full with books. Sweet ;)

Sunday, November 21, 2010


I don't know what've gotten into me but i must be so upset for not really clear reason all i know after not so long got up i had rearranging old stuff threw old stuff that probably wouldn't be used. Like McDonald's bill and other numerous restaurant or even a price tag on clothing.
Unfortunately one of my aunt wanted every unused things stay on their spaces just for memorizing purposes which i actually able to understand. Like when i saw a movie ticket my mind went back to those time i can remember who was sitting beside me at 30 days of night the movie was good because it makes me tense during the hours.

But her stuffs reaches the ceilings and i really mean ceilings when i said ceilings. This time not in a metaphoric meaning. Basically most of it weren't my stuff it's my little cousin's stuff
What he has been doing in this last 3 years was putting dirty shirts on the floor leave my door open every time he passes at anytime he's not even able to make an instant foods unless it was in a cup or using a microwave to heat up, and just shout to the housemaid for a meal, just a call for a help, got depressed while i give suggestion or giving an advice. Back in my significant other's house i can't connect the router up to the internet which i don't know why meanwhile it should be easy. I just wished that i could have more time there or at least until it was finished

I found a banana and i eat like crazy. This time because i am so hungry and all i had eaten was 2 bananas and a porridge this morning it leads me to an impatient way eating the snacks which i stopped immediately when i thought of making a banana juice or an orange juice. Easy just put banana, one ice block, and a glass of soy milk dunk in a blender and wait until blended soft and ungranulated. It would make me full right away. Am i right that soy milk lower your testosterone level?

What makes my mood doesn't being friendly was the stuffs in my house because when i was rearranging things in my room, everyone started cleaning the house as well. I also smell new paint smell in the air there must be some walls has been painted.
Everything wasn't on their places, i got panic when this occurs and it really disturbs me maybe i'll just turn off the lights and wouldn't see these stuffs blocking my way. And when you picture how comfortable your room was when you were really tired and was not home then when you're home it wasn't like what you've been thinking. I got a really dirty face right now i think i need to wash my face then change to clean clothing.
I'm thinking about how many people that had studied as much as me and thinking about that just makes me think about how many rivals i got there on college if they really did study a lot, and if they really does study a lot how afraid i am that my score wouldn't be straight As
Maybe i'd better be sleeping my mind went too far away.

Oh by the way did you guys know about that traditional Chinese treats which taste really sour and salty and has the structure like a beef jerky but softer. i hate it and what makes it perfect that i didn't know what my significant other was eating, so she offered me some and i bite a big bite of it because i think it was dates and the next thing was how horrible it tasted.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Sixteen Candles And So. Patterns, And Hiding Under The Bridge

I go this weird feeling just right after i finished a novel called The Perks of Being A Wallflower and it wasn't a nice one
i felt extremely sad and not really in a good mood to sleep
i need to be somewhere i feel secure. Somewhere at least i can get someone hugging me the whole night and forgot what has just happened afterwards

I had suddenly imagine i got knocked down and all i can remember i had passed several months in bed and realized that i had lost my hair most of them. Realized that it was all wasn't a dream that i heard voices of the people i know saying how they missed me and how they love me. And i could imagine how someone having a revenge on me forgive me for what i did on them. They just forget it. How i can imagine my significant other will be there at anytime and cried at some particular time where she wished me had a better health condition, or she would really wait for our journey to go around the world starting europe when i was released from the hospital. While me lying there useless and all i can do was just heard them.

Maybe this is sort of mixed feeling because i didn't want the main character end up ordinary and the book ends in a certain way i do not expect.

And how the main character in the book said that he got straight A on his report card which lead me remembering about my mid semester exam. And how i remember how pretty my girlfriend is. I'm not telling you because she is my girlfriend but in fact how beautiful she is in my eyes. How i dont always agree when she said that she's not. How i insisted that she does and how i can feel that she did believe except some elements didn't looked "beautiful" for her.

Maybe this is the first time i wrote about my girlfriend in a really long time because I'm afraid that i exposed to much about her in my blog but that was what all i can think of right now. And even though i've been reading the novel i always imagine that Sam in this novel probably looked like her and how fun it is imagining her in the stories.

I wished that someday when i got upset i could ask her to hug me around my neck from behind and let me feel safe let me fell asleep right there but believe me she always do

I just want to make this straight... I love her.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

This Note Has been All Filled Out With Your Name, You Freaky

What's happening lately is i've been going back to vegetarianism
and I'm in the middle of mid semester exam
I'm so excited to spread wide the happiness to all the people
smile to everyone and talk to strangers
remember you will know how does it feel when you really doing it

i remember my significant other always worried about things to do and things that she didn't really know i always tease her laugh because of it because it's the most cutest thing i ever saw

well I'm about to continue my study then, live your life really to the max
because this current time you breath won't comeback.
Don't worry about a lot of things, there's no time for you to enjoy your life
just live it


Friday, November 5, 2010

Pretty Neat! Yeah That Was Pretty Neat!

to be honest i always write this blog post to you on my strangest mood and in the right time
and it really produces pain and agony in stagnated writing pose
earlier because man created to socialize and i need someone to share, so that time my blog entries was a little bit critical and logical ticklish
I was angry to myself and in the same time i angry to the whole world for being such a fucking full slap in your face
I was angry because the world was a puzzle that time and the time is shorter than it used to be
A day wasted because i didn't show my face to the whole world
All i need is my identity and something that could help me achieving it
I've been through so much pain and terrible terrible accidents, drama, and reality
What you seen on that reality show wasn't just an ordinary TV show
It could be happened to you anytime
I always cry when i wrote most of my earlier blog post

Believe me being a grown up sucks, you need to fulfill the needs to be one
you got responsibilities, mom dad getting old, and ugly friends getting around you
when you're a grown up thing that you love will be less in number
when you were a little kid you love your shirts, allover, blocks, chewy thing, that spinning thing above your bed box and everything around your house.
When you a grown up, whatever thing you love being less. The most important thing in your life shorten to be one
One finger pointing

I saw a comedy film on the other day telling a group of friends with problems, successful businessman, and travelers gather in a barn of horses they will help the horses move to another barn across the desserts, rivers, and mountains.
At one scene the cowboy leader told about how much he crazy about one girl and he decided not to got over the girl just because he thinks life is all about one finger pointing. And it goes to another scene where one of the friends with a problem which previously though he was bored with his wife before he hit the camp rescuing a baby horse in a wild river stream. He almost swept away by the stream and almost died but before his friends rescued him and his baby horse.
In the end he knew about what that one finger pointing

He said "I've been wondering about this (shows the finger) and i didn't know because the imminent death of Chief, but then i realize this till i almost died on that river. I think about my wife, i think about my children, so that what this (one finger) means to me"
Ultimately what is the most important thing in our life is what the first thing across your mind when you know you're about to be gone from them forever. Yeah i know that feeling that we wouldn't see them anymore, and what they would do when we're not here anymore and what happened when they didn't have us involved in their life

I had that stupid attempt and it wasn't suicide attempt. It was when i was on 21st story high balcony i saw another platform beside the balcony, and a window near the platform. Not forgot to mention there's no supporting fences on the platform. So i planned to jump to the platform and go inside again through the window. It's that simple.
Then, there i was jumped to the platform, and walked further i felt the breeze on my ankle and my palm the jump to the window 21 stories high without support
Well what crossed my mind that time was "It's your choice to cross the line for one time in your life or looking at the line for the rest of your life". It's kinda a teenage rush and thing but well it's smoothly succeeded and here i am writing this blog 5 months afterwards. On the other hand it was reckless and silly how i did that. No one saw me, and no one around that time. Okay it was smoothly succeeded but what happened if i cross my feet, step on my another foot, fell down to the ground or someone opened the window so i fell down 21 stories high end of story. It even gives me thrill when i'm writing this

Okay i'll be honest. I'll tell you what popped in my mind when i was finished doing that and a bit shocked looking at the same spot for half an hour. That time my mind wanders and remember how breezy that was, how cold it was, and how dangerous it was. Then i started to wander in my mind. What the first thing strangely popped in my mind was my dad face, followed by my mother face, and then followed by my dreams and strange things like my best friend that has gone, and what would happened in my ceremony, then i think about my significant other. Then i grab my phone and apology. It was a thrilling moment phew..

So tell me what's yours?

Monday, November 1, 2010

I'm No Drunken Driver But I'm The Goat Shepherd. I Saw The Car Hit The Fences And Roll Over Twice

It was at October 19th i was laying back and browse some stuff as usual, and my laptop is on my chest
I don't know why every time i saw this laptop it takes me 2 years earlier when i was just got the laptop a new shiny white Macbook i choose white because white is Mac-ish you know what i mean right okay this wouldn't be really hard then.
That time when, all the things that make you happy was hung out to malls and got happy while seeing people around you while you were there, all that could make you even happier was remembering your white Macbook sat back home waiting for you
It's just me or almost everyone get thrilled when they push the power button on their new computer or especially Mac when we really doesn't have no clue what's in there would it be fun or not.
For the first timer what made me disappointed was the absence of 'start menu' which made Windows so famous of everything about it. Most of all, the computer was so quiet till you didn't feel you're using a computer at all and mostly it's rarely vibrating because of hardworking components inside them. Everything was neat. No computer was built like this
Mac impresses me so much at these times.
How could a computer that so much easier to use and does looks good jammed in one pack

When i just got this baby

And back to where it was at October 19th i was just got back from college and looking at some pictures in web and something crossed my mind. I speculated that i hold my computer everywhere in my left arm, then why i did put it separately from my bag? Because its heavy of course. It made my shoulder sore and red. So i want a real light computer and best if it was apple computer. My mind goes to Macbook Air directly. Then i tried to look for the rumors that spread over the internet about new Macbook Air. DANG! Apple would introduce their new products on October 20th and holy mackarel it's 18 hours from the time i saw the news. So i woke up and tried not to be late going to campus, and sat on the middle row on the very left line. I put my books, i opened my laptop and waited to boot, go straight to Chrome and i just type on since i just put back my apple bookmark like a week ago i waited for the website since it was my campus WiFi so it's not blazing speed. Then for a little waiting i was welcomed with this screen

This is mean

I can't help myself for being so happy i just sms my pa straight ahead and trying to plan about getting which model. Come on Macbook air! Come here fast! *whistle

Back 2 years ago i was active on being their online activist and stuff, giving speech about the importance of being environmental friendly by not eating meat, why it's saving earth and stop the violent. I remember i was being vegan for straight 2 years. Till for so many reason i need to get my nutrition back for a while and get my shape back. I was drastically transformed being a vegan in 3 days i was totally picky at my food. I'm telling you the first 3 days was tough but after you pass it you will feel light and emotionally stable. You still can take one week petition of being vegetarian or the full month. The most challenging part was when you have to really being picky of your food intake it was so much fun.
well if you interested you can go straight to the website
gosh i could cry right now i miss being vegan

This picture i taken somehow made me remember the vegan times and oh i remember i always buy the 'Vegan Times' magazine aswell.

These was my magazine back then when i got nothing to do then i will read these magazines over and over

Friday, October 15, 2010

and i move to another seat in the far north corner

While the madness came in i don't know why also things in my life gets corroded slowly
people pass by... and insecurities in the middle of the people i'm comfortable of
Life is just as the shallow meaning as the life itself
life as just the meaning of surviving and struggling to live
i believe there must be someone somewhere someday out there understand what is the meaning behind these words
and i believe there is a hills for a resting place
you're just here for a short visit
make sure you breathe the air deeper, smell the flowers around
smile to strangers and someone new for every each new days

Just... A blabs in the library

Madness goes around my days
and no days in my days that doesn't have madness
sometimes i said to myself why am i always being in the middle of these chaos
sometimes i want to got into an accident and gone
sometimes i turn myself into the most convenient place in the state of mind
sometimes i don't know whom i should turn into

i sunk myself into trouble, and i have no idea what awaits when the words are spoken
sometimes every single words, every single step that you should do isn't that easy
sometimes something should have been sacrificed
or you should have sacrifice something for something in return
i am the most positive person in the whole world, and i don't know why i'm surrounded in a madness

let me be the one i want, let me feel the things i wanted

Saturday, September 11, 2010

lastbloodfromhell Never Get On The Line

a sentence, a word, a letter, a buzz would be valuable
let me know you're there if you are

#include void main printf("Could You Pass The Fucking Potato Please");

Another nerdy stuff me and my friends do was we started the sentences verbally with printf(" and ended with "); which a C++ language it's not time friendly but not bad for remembering attempt
haha i hope i can keep on with the pace of this native computer language
Right on! Keep some space for me Google!

Yesterday I Learned How To Speak In Korean From Youtube

Thank you for Hanna for the Greetings!
She was a great photographer, a good friend of mine, and of course a great girl for her boy :)
Take me and Michelle for a photo shoot sometimes if you don't mind

Friday, September 10, 2010

Perpetual [I've Been Trying to Reach You] Oblivion

I got bad news and good news
Whats happening right now is i got a university
which i really like and i feel like really belong in there the thing that i didn't like is just the friends. Sometimes they were supportive but sometimes they made stagnated pose. When someone is greater than they are everyone start to tease when someone appeared a bit different everyone mocks for a weirdo

I wish i have an invisible cloak to cover me from they all. I wish i could talk to every single people i wanted to and avoid the one i don't feel like to talk.
Or maybe this is what social life offered us. A lesson that we have to put ourself in the right place in order to survive.
Is it selfish to say that i don't want friends, i just want close friends like 2 or 3 of them and my family. I hate going back to socialize
The sad thing is i've been struggling for 3 years to get the best medical program in the country but no i didn't keep it on. If a doctor is a success and intelligence measurement so if you want to find smart peoples they were nesting in a building called Hospital. Whatever it is my measurement of my success lies in my dream and my goal. If you have a dream work on it to the core and soon you will live it up.

Lately i got strange feeling like the future is obscured i don't know what is this called but it's not the first time i got this feeling. Like i can't imagine what lies in tomorrow and what i've done the minute before i think. Eid ul-Fitr everyone forgive and forget about what mistakes they done to each other. Not me, words hurts more than a dagger indeed. I let it bleed

Friday, July 16, 2010


Life lately been obscured. I feel like i'd knocked by hypnotherapist then i've gotten away by my self control
I keep waking myself up... I never reach my consciousness
Then i realize that I was stuck in the most enormous and the longest lucid dream in human history

Uncountable deep inhale and exhale i did
I didn't know could i handle the shame when i keep going what i've been longing
or should i keep doing what I'm doing for another own happiness
the bad insomnia stuck back in a bad package and in the wrong time

I'm trying to fulfill what's needed to be a grown up go to college, working, and being a little wiser
I don't want to but i have to. Make choice, be real, and correction
Realize that you have to do something with a full force. You shouldn't split up your attention into several things
Realize that you can't use the time with all activity that you want
Realize how perfect you are by making choices
Then you will know, who you are in piece

A self portrait of myself

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Hello I'm Getting Singapore's $1 Ice Cream. Does anyone Want?

I was hoping that this blog of mine is less dead than it used to so
i wanted to share you guys about my personal life. I don't know who you are, and you might think that it was interesting to know something about life of a stranger out of your neighborhood then you're on! I'm gonna share a piece of my life.

I'm the last son of 3 siblings.
My first brother was Ronald he was tall 6" foot or somewhere and tough guy some kind of bully on your high school but with soft side. He's bald. Just cured from a sick myopia till like reaching 10 or somewhere 0,5 below 10. So it was kind of weird seeing my brother for the rest of his school life with thick frame glasses and in the last 5 years it's not hanging around his face anymore.
The second was a sister called Aqilla but she also has a nickname which sounded cute "Dee Dee" she was like sort of quiet girl being introduced to liquor and weeds. Then got a bunch of cool stuff on her iTunes with ambience sound, and a lot of sampling "bleep bleep clack clack kapow!! Booom boom Bam bam ooh!" stuff. Basically she's the person i always hangout with
and the last was me i better keep me as you know i am. Basically i like computer a lot, and i like making out with trees. The latest was for sure a lie

I have a girlfriend for christ sake. We've been dating for almost a year i wish i can remember all dates just as easy as i install the Snow Leopard. I haven't bought it yet but i decided to share the cost with my cousin to afford it. What a lazy ass he was, he haven't bought it since the moment i told him to like 60 days ago well nearly.

So at the moment i was too lazy to explain about what happening to me you can just scroll down and read the previous blog entries.
Then u know i was a bit stressed out with my universities attempt, then my big brother.

About the last one, the story goes to like 8 years ago. He was high school and met a girl. He asked her to be his girlfriend but the girl have something else to consider. This girl is being asked to marry someone so the girl asked to my brother "Do you want to date me? If you're not i want to get married". Then blam! Gone! Every stories was washed away they were gone. My bro have a life and the girl have a life.
8 years later they meet each other the girl now has 2 little company and without her husband around anymore. Then you know where the hell the story goes

My brother loves this girl so much, he likes to go hangout with that girl
spend most of the times together, he likes her company, he really enjoys her company in life and he hopes that the company was in unlimited time.
He likes to compare things in what happened in current
like what if what happened in him occurred in our daily life. What would happen if what he has been through, the feel of joy, the feel of comfort, the playful side of him unleashed to the whole new environment that he has been suits to was against the parents will
He wanted that parents understand what he has been suffering was the parents fault. He wanted to change the way they think.
i totally understand that.

The thing that bothers me is that my brother makes my momma cried a lot.
I remember once he mention about karma
i don't really believe that kind of thing was existed but as he believe then let him believe it does existed
let's look back at the karma
He said "The only thing makes i was sinful right now was i was against you guys (the parents) but i know I'm doing the right thing"
Karma talk! How if that words came out to your face from your child?
Please let me know where the hell that i can be so wrong to tell that my brother was wrong?

Dear Amazonian, I want That Animal Skull You Wear For Helmet

It's reaching the end...
I live in Jakarta looking for universities for 3 years
and none of them turns out being where i'm going to
life is being incoherent
I always blame myself for all the time
24 hours a day, i blame myself for what I'm doing, and what should i do naturally and would gives a fortune, knowledge, money, or producing something
what i never stop is just hoping and believing

It was almost the same when you gone diving at night, alone
i wasn't sure to go where or at least knowing which direction to know where I was destined to
i was unsure of going through, thinking of running out of air, take the whole risk or die in sea?
it was difficult
i always hope that a boat with one of my family member or police patrol found me before i was suffocated under the sea and breathless

You know, ultimately...
What's the meaning of life?
Grow? learning how to survive on the jungle earth
learn how to swallow pill when i got fever, learn how to use fork and spoon, make instant meals when I was starving, watch TV when my favorite blue round, red, yellow talking creature is on, sleep at my bed alone, have my first word learned, learn to read books, big enough to go to school, fast forward we were smart enough to provide some money, know about sex, and how to impress people.
i found some multi-billionaire still were not satisfied for what they got now
confusing? Get a check list they fulfilled the needs all of them.
What you pursue in your life is what makes you passionate about it, what makes you happy when that first thing pop out in your mind. What makes you could think "This sweat is worth of what they dropped for"
That's what you should fight for

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Honey Is That a War Suit? Wait Why Are You Dancing! Oh I See You're That Singer

I'm in the mood to tell you guys a story. I felt comfortable since i know we're not too close neither you're not too close with me. As i I'm typing i see the letters grouping in places, and makes a good sound of words in English.

As I'm typing i remember how much things passing through my head in the same time I'm talking. I'm kind of getting used to when people talk to me like "There you go, you lost again" or give me a strange look like "Dude you're so stupid" I'm so used to it, so used.

Sometimes i wondered when i could prove myself to the people out there, to my Mid School friends, to my High School friends, what I'm adequate to do. What this brain of mine could do. I just want all of the shits out there see me revealing out from the guy you always mock at, until the guy you guys always adore at. Talk shits on my back then you will regret it someday. I believe that

Someday when i am more than what you see "How i am" i would be proud. Seeing your eyes look at me and giving impression like "What the fuck!" and i will look back at you speaks quietly though the stare "Yeah here i am. And you see this. The guy you always give the thumbs down to has become the thing you adore."

Someday the overindulged man would sorry to me. I'm loving my life but in one side I'm in the condition that my surroundings hates me. Thankfully i still got my family. In the end when everything was fucked up we get back to family.

People likes to judge other people from how they appear. Okay let's dress your mama and papa like me and you will say they look like punk, and messy, had a quite messed up life and shits. Talk to my ass man talk to my ass! I'll make you sorry for saying that.

Underestimating, came out when people see me shits and stuff i had no sweat heard them saying "Oh this kid is so much a faggot" "This kid just have a look" "Oh this kid is so cocky i want to beat him up" "Oh this kid is so punk rock. Better stay away" "This kid is so fancy" blah blah and pretty much trafficking my head like flies.

I got no time to rest i hope that i can get a lot of time to life my life rather than playing my Laptop or PlayStation 3. Well i realize how long i've been leaving this blog and write stuff. Because I'm having a real life a real deal and having a girl. Never been this good. Oh ya I'm finally about to go to college, pray for me whoever read this writing till the very last punctuation mark.
You're blessed

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Taco and Beans Shake Your Legs Move Your Feet. Would You Say I'm Wacko If Im In?

Life, keep going like it used to be same routine same old shit been going for the whole time
i even have a thought about leap off a building
have you ever think about leap off a building?

It was probably one of a lot of wonderful way to die
you can just close your eyes, feel the wind blowing through your cheek peace and calm for several seconds and then the next thing you remember probably people shouted, because it would hit the ground so fast and strong we wont felt the actual impact on our body. We just
lost, forever

I've been dealing with this bad insomnia for 5 years it's so frustrating when you need to get a lot of energy for going through the day and you couldn't sleep it's just frustrating. When you need some break from the reality. D'oh i thought fool around would help to reduce my boredom and stress. But i found that i was wrong

I kept spinning in my atmosphere, while I'm hoping a change, i don't. Sometimes God doesn't show that he were there. Or he really weren't exist?

Lately my life filled with laughter, loves, and fun but still there's one.. hurt. Lol i don't know how to say, but "It's your life, you should decide what you want, and where it goes" it stands for a lot of things. It's up to you what you suggest me to do? Because it's your life. etc etc...

Then I'm enjoying my chilli beans, with wheat bread, feels like a dream to eat it i even took my papa just to buy this canned bean. Got no money lol
I would try to collect a huge amount of money like $12.000
you know what for! For a car! Mini Cooper well i'll pay half and the rest let my papa do the kung fu with the dealer. I've been dreaming to have that car omg

Oh the last thing i would mention is i have the most likely ignorant face and expression. It probably disturbing my friends and surroundings but i (I'm lost)
Well since the last time i slept was 2 days ago so I'm losing a lot of my attention control. To prevent me going out to the neighborhood and shout "SPARTAAAAAA" maybe i should take a trip to the pillow land <- Classic

The thing is just. I'm tired

Facing a blank typing field felt like decorating the old trafford just using glue and paper
i had that image that it would look dull but i keep doing it. Well in case i could improve it

Monday, March 29, 2010

I Wan't Someone Provocative and Talkative, But It's So Hard When You're Shallow With The Shower and From What I've Heard The Skin You'll Win

Ooh ami l'amour
i was literally laugh and roll over the floor lol. While actually it's a scene from Aladdin when Aladdin talks about a girl he likes to the genie. Here's the videos compilation of the genie's scene. Merci'

Then while you afraid of what the world thinks about you, it's better you afraid of what you think about the world. The world is a pandora box that you decide what it contains, what awaits, what mysteries within. It's you decided what the world is when you think it's wonderful then it's as it is, when you said it's cruel and damned you're true.

All my life i tried to live like i wanted to. I've done anything i want to do and anything i think it's true as long i keep sticking to the manners. Well at least be polite to the oldies, be a good listener to them and obey them. I like being around oldies and talk with them it's fun and at least i can hear a lot of lame stories they've been through. Along the stories filtered the moral message from them and learn the manual guide to live lol

Well lately i found the people i hate the most is the person who have a lot of things in common to me. Same problems, same favorites, and almost the same life. The reason people hates us because they're the biggest fan of us and they doesn't want to show it. Just make it clear, talk, set aside the competition, and self pride

And God creates us with a sophisticated gene codes that brought from your chromosome and genosome codes no one is the same as yourself. You got your own favorites, attention of things, and hobbies that makes you're yourself. Well not all people stupid, you can say they're stupid or not from the way they talks lol i remembered a moment ago i saw TV and a guy talked and i can see he is really stupid lol omg i feel bad but he is an IDIOT lol. When the journalist asked for his comment about the kidney's day he said "Yea it's for the day... The day... What day is this? It's the world's kidney's day? Yeaaaaaah Kidney's day. Drink a lot, and damn the soft drinks! Drink water you'll be healthy!"

Damn i feel pity on him *wipe tears

I don't say I'm stupid i know I'm capable of everything but I'm not interested in some subjects or some thing. Well if i don't like one subject why am i have to know it deeper while i know i wont use it for sometime in the future i mean like i know decorating flowers is hell lotta skill but why do i have to master it? I can great at anything but i can't master everything. I don't want to waste my time to do what actually isn't myself. From now on i decide my own way and no one should take control of my life

lol enough for today's lesson of life. Well my life is kinda frustrating because of one thing lately. It's because MY BLACKBERRY CAN'T BROWSE THE INTERNET DAMMIT! Lol how can i cope of this torture it is miserable how my life going, i guess i'll just cope with the pain and sorrow wrap me keep me from the cold *okay this is over and too poetic lol hahah*

God bless you who read this to very the last line.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I Swear I Saw A Gorilla Playing Guitar There. But The Officer Gave Me A White Connecting Sleeve Shirt

For some certain reason i really don't have any words here but i always trying to write a lot of things that i wanted to share. Actually I've been attracted to new mobile phone from LG mobile called new LG Chocolate, i think it's just cool. The perfect phone for myself, like my own self. Despite of the dash of red over their head and feet. Well i think LG have been developing in these last 2 years. A lot. D'oh i can't help myself from gadgets they are cool stuffs. Gadgets help human life being easier aren't they but i wonder why they are so pricey. Maybe we're buying technology, and researches, hard work from people done the research

SOOOOoooo so so so so so what's in my mind is about emotional bond. So i have a friend recently came to me and shared about her love life soooo so so so so so ill tell you the story in third person view. Let's say there's a girl, and a boy named Billy, and Sarah *common name on your English book

So they were attracted, adore each other. Sarah likes this boy so much for uncertain reason. Sarah liked when Billy around. Call on late night held hand when hang out french kiss hug snuggles. Sarah found it difficult to keep on the track while a void cramped on her bone marrow. She agreed with Bill for keep it as it is. When they said love to each other they trust each other like no one else. They both have angel on their shoulders to keep an eye. Someone to lean on when about to broke without afraid of losing each other.

While they agreed on their uniquely shaped yet unavoidable relationship, Sarah felt something gibberish kept her awaken at night spoke on her ear lead her fingers of touching the numeric keypad. To give a message goodnight while in sudden a message was received while she wrote the new message addressed to Bill
Too bad that message weren't from Bill. Ruined the whole mood to sent a message she cried. Too long then dried until eyelids cover her sight. She thought that she'd better gone sleeping because her dream is better than reality.

She understand the consequences, the disadvantages of her relationship.
No emotional bonds, no secure, no warm hand to held her cheek when she need it
"How a question "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" helps girl from her sorrow
"How an official relationship helps one
"How emotional bond helps one's soul came out from despair, insecure, and inexplicably happiness
"How a word changed one's life

Thursday, January 14, 2010

A Boy's Calculated

How do i have to say...

People became insane because of a person. You came to another town, you got crazy about one, and they will make you insane. You would do numerous reckless things, stupid things, or probably inexplicable cheery behave you done.

A Bond, and a love. Love is something that is unexplainable it's a word express you needing someone physically, emotionally, and sexually. For example I care about my house maid, I like to cook some food, and share it with her. I'd care if she got sick or she cried but i don't want her to hug me or give me some sort of attention.

A bond made by two or more people that united by their affinities. Hundred thousand hours they've spent, gallons of tears they shared, hundred billions money they spent.
Dozens picture frame of their grandchildren sons with their family on back of the seat. They both sat there on their personal labelled couch. A strong bond between each other

My friend once came to me, and asked "Why do my girl always make little things become big, and big things can even going bigger?". I can't explain it too but sometimes what you did and you said seemed didn't really matter were hurt them. I could say being together with someone you should have take it slow. Don't too get high tempered on both of you. Someone must've loose it up. This what called "understanding" needed.

I once read a short story about a girl who complains a lot on her boyfriend
"I hate you! Why did you do all this Cliff! You're a total disaster!
If you're a Math you would got minus 10 for coming to school always messy and ugly. Even when you came here you used that stinky hair wax and it looks awfully cheesy! ANOTHER Minus 10! For making me ashamed in front of a lot of people because you brought me with your old motorcycle and the worst part. I go with it every morning UNDERLINE THAT. ANOTHER Minus 10 for giving me flowers. I don't like flowers! It's so old fashioned! ANOTHER Minus 10 because you're not always available when i asked you to accompany me like the last time to Lisa's birthday it was so important for me everyone was expecting me. Then how stupid i was stood there alone for hours! Waiting for you to pick me up after i CALLED YOU TO PICK ME! AND THE LAST THING Minus 100 for always make me cry and didn't hug me because you're too stupid to calm me down! You're minus 100 out of 10 you know that Cliff!"

I cried all the way with hatred along burns in my chest while i heard someone told me that Cliff came. He gave me an amount of flowers. But i threw it back and i said "It's UGLY! You never understand that I DON'T LIKE FLOWERS!" followed by "Oh one more thing. Don't pick me up tomorrow morning!" Cliff look shocked but the minute later the face mimic became neutral. He went home while looked back at me, sad
I feel so bad, but yet i can't bear the hatred. I continued to cry all night.

Next morning at class Cliff gave me an ugly full smile of him then I turn my face to another side while mumbled in hate. I hate Cliff all the way to the core. I'm so happy now Cliff stay away from me most of the time. But well i still got some disturbance till it's going for 3 weeks. Till Cliff showed up in front of my door.
He said that he must been moved to another town with all his family. Started the next day. Because his dad would been transfered for his work. He told me that how big his love to me but i kept quiet. I hate him so much. The next thing i can't forget till now that he said "But I don't know if can i still love you after all these things you done to me" it made me hate him even more. He thought he can threaten me with that?
Well I'm glad he's gone. So i could gone back lay down in my room. I just want to sleep, and end the day immediately.

I started my first class the morning. Glad i didn't see Cliff on the front row. The chair was unoccupied now.
The bell rang oh i missed something. No one heard my stories before it started. The class started as usual. It keep on going as a routine. I daydreamed, i felt hollow. But i chuckled because he isn't there till then the bell rang for the break time. I still sit on my chair. As usual 5th line 2nd row still staring at the empty chair on my north east. I want potato chips! But nobody bought me potato chips on break time just because i like it. Nobody shared me Coke or Strawberry Fanta just because I like the color. No one walks with me to class anymore. Accompany me on break time just hear my stories. Nobody would take me to somewhere new. No motorcycle roars. No flowers i received. My world spun in sudden like I'm in a bad vertigo. I lost in my own dimension.
Each nights afterwards I keep trying to figure out what i've done. Every single night night for a full three months. But then i realize that i lost him. I wasted him. I really miss him now. I regretted for what i did to him. I really... really missed him.
Oh geez why this happened now. When it was all late, so late.

Then I'm remembering my statements that i said before. One by one and I started to cry. Eventually i cried even harder. Groan like crazy. Then while crying i tried to say
"Minus 10 for using that wax and looked cheesy but PLUS 100 for trying to look good in front of me at anytime! Minus 10 for making me ashamed with your old motorcycle but PLUS 100 you used your motorcycle to pick me up every morning before the school starts while it takes an hour and a half to get here. Minus 10 for giving me flowers but PLUS 100! You saved your lunch money just for brought me flowers which presumably you bring every week and those potato chips, Cokes, or even movie tickets. Minus 10 because you always make me cry and didn't hug me but PLUS 100 you listen. Minus 10 for not being able to go to the birthday party on the other day but PLUS 100 because you always be able to accompany me when I'm in the mood to go out. Almost everyday" .
The tears still streams hard but that doesn't make everything come back.
This tears would not change anything.
A word "Sorry" would be the silliest thing he would heard on these times.
He must been wouldn't forgive me.
Ask him an apology is just late... Too late
I hate myself for doing all of these things. Now most of my body parts were numb because i just had attempted a suicide.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

An Offer of Comfort

I read an article about smoking habit about a month ago. It told us about what the worth of a cigarette for a smoker. The article was too long yet boring but i hope i got something make sense there. But i did found something interesting that said "No one ever grown up so we need cigarettes the same as when we need suck our thumb when we're still little". Well it makes sense, and I'm glad to see that word.

First of all people gets old they really do. Physically, wrinkles, rubbery skin, shaky voice, Mind, and behave. How old they become 50 years 75? 80? Hundred years? We still saw them cried.
Crying is a natural act. A relieve for people when they can't bear like how sad they are. How pissed. How fed up. How great their lost. How the way they've been survived. How touched they look at poor people or how happy they are they might be cried. Everyone will come back to their childhood when they felt an enormous disturbing feeling.

A 52 years old comic collector, a 25 years old candy addict, a 32 years old hardcore gamer. Robotic and technology is just a few example of developed toys". It suited for their ages. How smart people can be, how clever they are measured by degrees, and education title, how mature they become a constant law: Less dynamic they will become. No Matter how old we are, we still have childish side of us. "Sometimes the key of being success is just keep childish" - Paul Arden

Sometimes i heard people telling positive thoughts. Telling that they are strong insisting that they are sad. But it was contrasted by the sincere feeling. Sometimes it's just corroding, grind, pound, slice, painful. But what can we do? Angry? To whom? People pray. Like
"The Secret" book which recently overheard telling us that the power of mind really affect life. So keep it positive. In the end, when we can't cope it, we innocently said "God, please help me, i need a shelter, a place to seek for comfort"

A dotties for a baby, an offer of comfort, an endless open field, an alternative way to run, a bad day, a big failure, lottery lost, withered dog, bad score for today math paper, unbearable nervousness, deadlines, farewells, goodbye waves, great lost, a big playground, a christmas present, dying mom, a shock after an accident,terrible mistake we done
Sometimes we just need a hug
Oh i saw my auntie hugs a polar bear doll just now :)