Monday, November 26, 2012

Terrible, terrible night.

Not an easy feeling to be left out. No one wanted to be in this position.
I remember that Sunday afternoon I have nothing to do instead talking with people. I love to talk, get to know people and know what do they do everyday. Do they go to school, how was it? How they eat, what kind of food do they eat at their area and stuff.
Trying to knoe there's a world out there as we speak as we took a leak.
And so things are terribly wrong when inexplicably occurence collided. Such a shame. Such a huge mistake.
I tried to get the meaning of all events. Everything connected and at one point they met. They crossed each other. Like an organized thread.
Things I don't know, things I love. I think I'm going to understand and do whay I think I was born to do that. And do the things I love.
I don't know what's happening to me and all of the events that happens.
I think I'm too tired to get it.
Fuck

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

I Saw That Rotten Heart of Yours. So...It Wasn't a Fairy Tale.

Maggots, dismembered body parts, unfathomable dismay.
Life's a roller coaster they said. And words were fade away.
None of things one can do to reconstruct the pain one caused. As lies has been spoken, conspiracy of the absolute truth.
The noisy screaky whiny ghost troubles minds of the phosporus neuron.
Specially tailored currency paper apparatus causes the twin collide and burn into ashes.
I can recall the most vivid memory of the designated moment.
The designated moment been twisted, bended and called "flaw"
And words... shall not prevail.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

The Tattoo Artist And The Weed He Breathe.

I hate to accept that a part of growing up is the inability of everyone to accept you as a friend. It's now a choice of stranger or someone with a special lust.
Growing up in this society makes you lost yourself, your sanity. You focuses on the world out there.
The "world out there" is the world that you can think there would be a better life for you. In that "world" you can be someone else with another name, also change your ID cut your hair, find a girl, tell your stories.
Being a grown up is all about laughter in a conversation with a tint of flirtation. Getting laid on the weekends, getting bored with routine, and eats just to satisfy your stomach.
Growing up is having people around you smoking while you yourself struggling to bear with the poisonous smoke. It's not the social smoker. It's killing yourself slowly just to talk with your friends.
Growing up is all about forgetting what used to meant a lot to you, left it behind and moving on with something new. It's a cycle that happens over and over.
Growing up is about losing your best friends. Some died, some get married, some got a job, and some going to somewhere you can't pronounce.
Growing up is all about get to know people, and stick with them for some fun.
Growing up is like a pattern. You work hard everyday like a robot, and rest on the weekends.
Growing up is all about getting chicks and having sex, get drunk, sip drugs and forget what happened yesterday.
Growing up is about struggling to get recognition from the rest of the world.
Growing up is an option, age is just a number.
Growing up is to survive.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Achtung

Due to my college major I have to swing my wand and put this blog in a spell magically made this blog part of my assignment. So there will be a lot of tech jargons and I won't give in depth information of it.
So enjoy

Saturday, September 22, 2012

I'm Going Back to U.S

Hopefully forever since I extended my visa for antoher 5 years. I hope I can study there and also start my career there.
Oh I miss chocolate bars.
Or deep fried chocolate bars.
:)

Wolfson DAC vs iPhone 4 SQ

I'm not being one sided here since I have both phones Wolfson in Samsung Galaxy S3, and iPhone with it's own sound chip.
I've been sticking to iPhone for quite a time. The first time I've ever used an apple audio device was a really nice white 4th gen iPod. It was a tremmendous shift in sound quality from my old Samsung Yepp mp3 player which I used all day all time. I loved it until I knew sound quality differences. But then I got to know a lot of audio devices. I used a really nice and the coolest at it's time Sony Walkman CD player the sound was super since it's directly amped from a CD and as we know lossless audio type is the best audio type since not a single frequency has gone like in a compressed mp3 files.
I just bought a red Shure SE 535-LTD limited edition Japan. Which also a big leap in earphones and headphones that I've bought all this time it's quite pricey. It's $560 and I don't make money which makes the wish list looked stressful. But I managed to save my money for the past 9 months until I have the money around last week. I bought this Shure SE535-LTD in one local store which is a network store originated from Singapore. Again, the sound quality of Shure top notch In Ear Monitor is amazing. Super sensitive, Triple-Driver, and finely tuned. In other words It's a sound system cramped in one little earpiece. Clearly, this is the best earphone that I've ever own.
The Wolfson DAC is just for the International version of Samsung Galaxy S3. For American market Samsung Galaxy S3 sadly uses Snapdragon's soundchip. The multi talented Snapdragon at it's best.
My impression is when I hear songs from Samsung Galaxy S3 it sounds neater, clearer, and sharp. The soundstage was amazing, adequate bass attack, and perfect mid. It's like when you hear songs you have this space of sounds around you and the vivid nuance it made, great separation, zero noise, so when it was silence it is quiet. Good high and cystal clear vocal. The only lackness is no thumping bass, and the volume stops at 15 which sometimes was not loud enough for my ears. I wish it could stop at 20 or 25.
iPhone 4 on the other side has a thumping bass, rich color, and blended sounds. I prefer the bass and volume in iPhone 4. Which makes some songs sounds clearer. And not a few people mistaken the volume they heard as clarity. iPhone can't deliver the separation of every single instrument like Wolfson chip does. That's why some songs sounds like a messed thread. The iPhone sounds really powerful and loud with punchy low and clear mid. But it lackness of high and soundstage made iPhone sounded dull.
I prefer the sound of Samsung Galaxy S3 than iPhone 4 since Samsung Galaxy S3 has an amazing soundstage compared to iPhone and better highs, clarity, accurate instrument hit. I'm listening to Frank Ocean, Lana Del Rey in .flac and Incubus's Are You In since it has great drum and instruments sounds.
Well many sources said that Shure SE535 doesn't sounds great with it's stock cable. So I'm looking forward to upgrade the stock cable with Baldur MKIII or MKII which I don't really sure the difference between it.



Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The Future Could Be Reborn

So, if you're awake and wondering at the sky why does it stand above you staring right to you watching every move of your tiny feet compared to the enormous sky. Stop it, stop it for a while and stand back. Take a fucking deep breath, and realize the ground you stand on.

As I wrote the letters in this android mobile phone my mind straight goes to the movie about Cheesus. Some of you might have known what Cheesus is or some of you wondering. Cheesus is a cheese sandwich which shown a Jesus Christ face on the surface that Glee club Co-captain Finn found. I don't usually watch this Glee episodes but this episode from second season of Glee show don't fail to catch my eyes. Not just because the theme which was religion, but also the quotes among them. I always remember this one dialogue between Cheerleader Coach Sue and  Emma. It was where this dialogue came out:

Emma: What happened to you, Sue? What horrible, horrible thing happened to you that made you such a miserable tyrant?"

Sue: Have a seat. Since I was a little girl, I've had exactly one hero. My big sister. You know how much I worshipped her? She was the sun and the moon to me. And while I was still very young, I noticed that other people didn't feel the way I did. People were rude to her. They were cruel. They laughed at her, and so I began to pray. I prayed every night for her to get better. And nothing changed. So I prayed harder. And after awhile I realised it wasn't that I wasn't praying hard enough. It's that no one was listening. Asking someone to believe in a fantasy, however comforting, isn't a moral thing to do. It's cruel.

Emma: Don't you think that's just a little bit arrogant?
Sue: It's as arrogant as telling someone how to believe in God, and if they don't accept it, no matter how open-hearted, or honest their dissent, they're going to hell. Well, that doesn't sound very Christian, does it?

I never forget that one line. It as sincere as a naive person way of thinking. I got a lot of people told me some things are going to hell and some things are going to heaven. And how I could go to hell also how ignorant they are to other things that they think as out of their normal way. It's just sometimes ignorant people won't think rationally like why the sky is blue, why is it raining God is not all the answer. We can't be ignorant like the monkey beating experiment. Where primal emotion thoughts took over consciousness and alert of living. "It just, it works this way down here" like a bunch of criminal waiting you in the dark alley when they beaten you the hell up. Ignorant people shouldn't live a social life.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I Want a Digital Photo Frame, Showing Salad Fingers Over and Over.

Hmm mobile app for Blogging. I guess coming back to Android platform is the best decision I made. It has grown a lot since the last time 1.6 Eclair or Donut environment. It looks like cartoon back in the day. Now this Android thing is like a PC substitute. I basically code in here, manage my WiFi, wrote notes, take decent pictures, browse, read books, look for references etc in this Samsung Galaxy S3 mobile phone. It was first 8ish hours of standby time which bug the hell out of me but with the right configuration I can manage 12-15hours. Best phone so far!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Beauty Only Skin Deep When You Shallow With The Shower

Life turn around and had a really hard bank up overnight. No more sad stories since me and my new buddy had a chit chat about the social pattern between men and women. Now, I've been meeting this 3 different lovely girls. One thing they have in common, short Hair.
I am more well determined, i will chase my dream and really focus towards there. Well, It'll be really fun if someone can give me support, back rub, praise
Would you be the one?
:)

Monday, July 2, 2012

Should I Listen To Your Command? Should I Understand?

I have to completely honest to myself why should i have to be so shy. It keeps holding me back from being a better person. But i will work on that sure soon i'll be happier with myself.
I don't know if i saw a really really attractive girl and should i went to her and ask her her name? That's actually my last option some people consider that as impolite wtf? So what should i do? Take off my shirt and dance? Or be like "Hi cutie what's your numbah? and she crashed her car and died. I saw a really cute girl i have a thing for a tan and slim girl and short haired girl. Well short haired girl is always be my weakness for all this time it always catches my eyes.
Speaking of catches my eyes. My pupils are dillated now and i seem lost my shyness for a while with a help of my favorite thing "cannabutter" it helps a lot. I just made some lately and it tastes bliss. I dunno maybe i shouldn't write my things here but i don't have someone to talk to anymore, somewhere to write down things, something that i could trust. Phew i guess when life hits you hard you could just say "fuck you life" and it keeps going to be better.
I know my dating life and stuff doesn't work well i think because it is not meant to be working or am i making it to be like that. But who knows. I can't decide what should happen but i can make things work the way i wanted to.
I should've love myself more probably.
keep dreaming keep writing

Sunday, July 1, 2012

It's Just An Invitation For A Lunch. Not Trying To Take You From Your Spouse

I had some short term memory loss. The real one. The one you can't remember what you did like Tom in 50 first date "Hi! I'm Tom" take care of yourself Tom. Listening to the whole album of Lana Del Rey, i don't really like the darkish atmosphere she brought along but every time i hear her songs always take me back to around 60's atmosphere sophisticated, classic, and with a mix up of modern thumping beats. I've been listening to Lana Del Rey for this last week not because i can't pass a day without listen to her songs but i have no more good songs to listen to.
I always put my mask to make people look to the good side of me but i think again why should i? Why should i make things harder if i could make it easier. Son of a bitch it collapses all purposes
I burned out my daily journal guess i wont be looking any further for a writing space I'm going to write all the things that I had been thinking, wondering, doing and all of my subconscious will me poured in here.
I'll be back to write things for my own pleasure. I love writing things to i even wanted to be a writer once since most of the people said so. So i thought "Why not?"
Talking of random things, i actually had been thinking for a while of why am i always ran out of luck? Why does most of the time luckiness wasn't on my side. Sucks? Yes. That is a darnful thing that you can't get what you want but yet you don't always get what you want. I'd rather live my life dangerously than feeling settled and safe the all time.
I just made another cannacake and it's been quite sometime I don't use it anymore. It feels bliss but not as fun as i can remember or i forgot how it was actually felt. Yeah this is the leftover effects. I'm not really in a good mood but not sad also. I even write this down while smiling. 
I should apply my visa geez procrastination always occurs in some time we don't really need it's how we fight our self back or you are beaten up by yourself. You choose.
I guess I'm too tired remembering that i will be on a Compact semester in a few days. I haven't got a chance to rest well and enjoy my vacation. I hope i could do all the things i want and gather the energy to.
keep dreaming, keep writing


Song of the day: Unrequited Love - Lykke Li
I love this song but i just discovered how sad this song was. I lipsync to this song while smiling and replicated Jesus statue in Brazil

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Aftermath

I had a conversation with my mom. Not that often i got this moment with my mom so she talked about something that has been bugging her for several days. She told me that she saw someone i know posted about a little word that suggestively going towards me.
Nothing beats a mother instinct but yeah for this time i was agree with her, and i said yeah i saw that too. She said why does she thinks she hates you? Meanwhile she's not really do why does she makes an anger inside of her while what she gets now is a dull life.
I said i don't really know what been happening lately. But i just know one thing for sure that People always talk shits.
I remember when i was fat and ugly people mocks me all time told me that I'm fat and useless, people can't depend on me, got beaten and i spent my entire teenage years wondering how sad i am to be in this circumstances.
6 years later i made my decision that i want to look fine, get skinny and put some attention to what i wore. So i did. I got a lot of attention that i want, I got the things that i want, and things has never been the same since i was skinnier.
But yeah not a few told me bad things that i looked gay, i looked like some ugly people, i looked like i wanted to hop on rhino's back, or even I'm not that rich so i can't hangout with them.
One thing you can hold on is like i said before people will always talk shit about what you do whether it's good or not. It's your life why don't you do it for things you like and things you want to do.
Do the best for yourself

A Giant Leap

The finals week is getting closer. I'm in the 4th semester of 8 semesters that i have to endure. I don't really enjoy college as i was before. But as i do it, i knew it has to do something to my skills and my future. On the other hand i really want to face the world one on one. Just to see how could the world beats a great dream. Since i believe i can do anything with dreaming.
Nothing is impossible i consider you could be anything you want as long as you do it with a total passion and you love it also
But as i do things little by little why can't i see the way or am i too soon to be better?
or am i just too weak to do the leap...
a giant leap..
who knows

What a Nice Day This Saturday Is

I didn't went out with you that Saturday but you asked me to join you to lunch. What a feeling

Sunday, June 10, 2012

That Corporate Projector Should Be Rolled on The Stones to See The Things Beneath.. Darn Satisfaction

lately i got an unexpected spectator in daily life which is i don't wish to be around for a really long time and slowly wanted to take control of my own free life here...
So i fight back they wouldn't take any control on my own life not even a bit sarcastic and sceptic thing they've been saying.
It was fun at first but knowing it would be in unknown time it'll be interrupt me. It disturbs
Son Of a Bitch my friend...
It's hilarious
drum rolls...
audience applause...

Fuck that celebrity who fuck with that band guy
Fuck the people who just think about their selfes
Fuck the cougars activity that other people's life
Fuck the religion's front that just could do the riot around the globe and ready to die in His way
Fuck the politician who takes the people's money and use it for their own needs and pretend to be crazy in front of people. You deserves hell on earth.
Someone really should burn the bed while he's pretending

You guys should believe there is someone out there that you didn't know really cares about you...
You guys should believe they have feelings
You guys really should got the revenge sometimes
Remember what you always consider was true
karma concept

You did good, then good things come to you and vice versa you did bad and bad things come after you
Just think about what you've been doing were done to you in the exact same way
what would us do?
National lay on bed day?
fuck you
Please, everyone has the exact same fragile feeling as you do too\

ps: This is actually an old old draft but then i decided to post it.

Friday, June 8, 2012

That Particular Monday

A week has passed since that particular Saturday,
I always get out on the exact time to that Particular Saturday get a drink and get back to my class. It was Saturday and i looked all the way across the room from the canteen entrance. She wasn't there anymore for many weeks after that Particular Saturday. I checked the whole campus for every day since that Particular Saturday.
Second week has came and as usual i checked the whole campus also. But no she wasn't there i didn't even see a glimpse of her.
So i do it until the next 6 week.
Yes fool. We all are when in uncertainty.
The 6th week. It was Monday noon, I finished my first class and about to get ready for the next shift it was Software Software Engineering. It started around 13:20 till 17:00. I walked out of the the first class and tried to get a bottle of water. It was hot and there was this fake flash mob dance that made by bvoice radio. A radio station in my campus that streams the radio broadcast analog and digitally so it's accessible through internet. So i was about to get to her, and i pretended to see the dance. But she came closer. So close until i was behind her until her hair could reach my nose. She clearly don't remember me as that guy who stared at her that particular Saturday.
My heart raced and thumping so fast, i got butterflies in my tummy, and my knees are too weak to handle me. But i content myself. I saw her gone back and forth between her seat and where she stood in front of me. I was crazy and i really want to know her name. Just say hi and introduce myself and ask her name it's so simple.
But i didn't do that. What i did next was ran into my class put my bag, and brought my friend and told her that girl i really like was there sitting down there at the campus coffee shop. I sat several feet away from her discussing with my friend how could i get to know her name while she's with her friends.
I was there discussing it with my friend until she got off her seat and walk at some direction.
I popped beside her and i asked her name she was puzzled. I can see it in her eyes. She's shocked
So i just said "May i know your name" she told me her name she gave me her hand and we shook hands.
I was pretending to look cool while inside me collapsing.
I like her hair, i like her eyes.
I like her a lot.
Weeks passed since i know her name i said hi every single time i met her.
I secretly made some moments when i could "fake bump into" her so i could be think that i was around. It was 3 weeks after i knew her name and i asked her number
I'm talking to her as i wrote this blog entry
Things are pretty good, but not as smooth as i expected to...
We're talking about music right now, she's pretty much hearing my bands
Nothing better

That Particular Saturday Evening

It was Saturday noon i was so bored in my class and decided to have a chuckle with my friends. It was a little bit dark since it would rain that Saturday evening.
My class started as usual at 13:20 untill 17:00 I've done some side flips in front of the class, hide behind an acrylic wall and pretend that my friends didn't see me and i saw someone came out beside my class.
It was all in silence. I was in silence my friends in silence... and i remember i saw the girl with short hair and big eye was there walked out her class.
For a moment i thought a while and tried to digest things. It was a moment when one second felt like eternity and i have no idea i dropped my jaw. From that moment i nick her as "that short haired girl"
It was last semester. Odd semester. That Saturday noon


For another passing semester a lot of things had been happening, a lot of things passed, I totally forgot about what had happened that Saturday evening.
Even semester has come and i am a whole new person with whole new mind. I worked on my shy behavior since i keeps me out from growing to a lot of new things. I cut my hair, i shaved my mustache and got a lot of work outs.
It was Saturday morning. I was so bored in my class. My class started from 7:00 and ends at 1:00PM. In the middle of class i got out of class and decided to bail out. It was 11:20 and I felt like to eat something so i get down to the campus food area where i could get some chicken since I'm always in a low fat high protein diet. I ordered 3 boxes of Steamed Chicken Breast to be brought home and eat it with my Paps and Mama. But then i saw this 'that short haired girl' passes in front of me and paralyses while looking at her.
She notices, she took off her thick rimmed spectacles while looking in to the side.
She waved her hair a bit. I can't help but looking at her, I don't want to lose that moment. If i were a camcorder i tried to self erasing my memory and fill it with this moment.
But then i left the food area without giving her another look. And went home safe and sound
I thought to myself again... What was that!
So i got home changed my outfit and go to sleep. I don't even want to eat my Steamed Chicken Rice
I lose my balance of life...
We all do when we felt something out of ordinary aren't we

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Rubbing Grime?

Hard to believe people change into another form of evil when they face towards a threat of misfortune
Ain't a word be nice to all of us yet no words left undone
Yet again people see what they want to see. They make it real just to make assumptions from what they know and been suspected. They let the thoughts live and make a grudge of it
Grown into Casanova individual taking measurements from the nearest people and reach the highest points of them.. Such a waste of life

Btw i met this girl at my campus, she's cute and all i said to her like "Can i know your name?" and she was like giving her hand and said "Of course " i don't know about having a girlfriend or someone close. Of course i need someone to talk but i won't give any sort of attention like 24/7 late night calls etc etc with the boyfriend girlfriend cutey things as easy as my Paps to vomit on top of it because a bad movie.
I didn't ask her number though
i found project lotus was exciting have i missed the show? Or it just begun?
I missed whole point of this blog. This isn't working for me any longer. I make posts just because i don't want to pass some month without posting.
I gave up hope about someone special when i thought people could act the same but some of them act like they care. I was waiting for her call back for my coffee invitation. But she never calls back so i put my mind into another shape. It don't matter how my company looks. All that matters is when they don't complain to whatever I'm doing and trust me even when i do wrong things and people around them were against me.
Some girls were unicorn and aren't with relationship we are in a cycle from stranger into stranger again?
I don't get it why people can't stand being alone. Like where do you want to put yourself? So you are someone's brother? Someone's gf? Someone's niece? What does that means to you? A lot? So now. Do you understand yourself? Know what you want to do for your life? Know where you are now? I bet you just live to be rotten being a servant of someone's mind and you will live to the end of your life being a such pitiful creature.
Alrite imma wait for Galaxy S III for a bigger phone. I'm tired of little screen

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

das Tür

It has been 3 years since i typed a word in this blog about United States and how Love and Lust has a thin line. I just finished my yogurt. It's lychee i always like lychee since it has it's own sweetness and fresh aroma. I like it a lot since the packed juice in the grocery was ice cold and crazy fresh when it was summer and the sun is glaring hot.
I just wrote a translated Indonesian Dragonball Z on my twitter
lol i have to get back studying this Computer Networking I'm in the middle exam week now in my 4th Semester in Binus University. I felt settled in in here
anyway how can i write down German letters in this us keyboard?

"Get a Licking"

I guess it's right. Life goes on, people changing, places gone and replaced and you are the only one who are stagnating.
People gone by, and I'm doing the same thing each and every day. Same routine. Until i asked myself
"Why am i doing this?"
"Why am i the only one doing this?"
I'm feeling alone yet i have a lot of friends, nothing to hope, nothing to expect. Happy cheerful yet alone.
I gone out to some places meet people with their friends, spouses, significant other, etc.
So i made my own routine, going to gym. I like it a lot i meet a lot of new people and I'm getting healthier and it affected my body a lot.
Going to gym also made me lost about 4 - 5 hours a day. Which made me have less time to have a chit chat my dad and my mom at home.
I wish i have time to read more novels and books in my mean time.
and i have some weird attraction towards mobile phone i used to change mobile phone like every 6 months yet technology rapidly growing every 3 months one technology left out.
I don't know what to write. Or maybe i have to stop writing.

Thank you for being my loyal reader whoever you are wherever you are

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

It's Snowing Outside But I Don't Want To Wear My Coat. I PutThem On Under The Shelf. Thanks Charles!

It's sucks how this ended up this way. As i recall that memories, it feels like yesterday. Yet i don't want to remember those times again. Maybe for now or maybe for ever.
I am upset. One said if you are pissed count to 10 before making another decision. If you are angry count to 1000. I've waited 14 days since the day i was angry until i made this writing. That box up there was everything i have from the memories with me and my ex girlfriend.
In short I've been keeping her off one particular guy and now she's dating with him.
I called her a bitch.
When i need the explanation of 'why' i asked. Then the 'why' replied by and "lol i get it. Feelings change right? Just like the day you left me". No you can't explain my 'why' with an LOL. Nothing funny with breaking a news to someone with a sign of laughter.
No, you can't compare my family with another family. No, you don't even tried to talk to them. Of course you like phone more. She said 7 months after me and her break up she get to close to someone new which is the guy she always hang out with when i was dating her. But in the calculation from August add 7 months is march week 4 and she said that at middle of march. So how? It happens in the future and she predicted it?
I am upset. Nothing to regret. 
Of course i don't want to regret anything that I've done in my past. Sure i got the consequences of what I've done. I put all those memories in one box, bring it all the way beside her house. And set the box on fire and let the memories and stuff turn to ashes. I've never done or get something like this in my life. But hey someone to get something once along their life don't they? People met another people to make them someone they would become someday. I am myself my own from now on.


Sure It Is Not Meant To Be

This all comeback again since this little conversation between old friend of mine and myself
she asked "So you said love is lust. It's like 4 or 5 years ago but i just want to ask 'why?'"
It's been a long long time since i manage this kind of post. Well let me explain in other way. The explanation of 4 years or 5 later.
Love is an emotion, an attachment, a possession, and lust. Stirred in one type of feeling, condition, anxiety and euphoria driven by hormonal imbalance. Then you've became in  a state that called in love.
Love itself is a substitution of an absence of a name of the feeling you've been suffered

An extreme happy, sad, and anger in one
Yes i'm not a believer. Love is just an expression towards something in particular

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Syllabic Lyrical Lies

I'm in a shock
If the way you choose is to hold grudge then let you be that way
If revenge is your way then let you do

If none of words are to be kept. Any words that have been told turn to ashes
The feeling was a pretension
The words of love never meant to be spoken

A nail caused the same damage on the other side
If you were me. You would have all the answers within
Of course you don't understand
You're not me

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Blue Note

I'm at Palembang. I hate being here i don't know what am i doing here or remember how i ended up here. But I'm here already. I'm going back to Jakarta tomorrow.
Friendly Fires is coming to town, i haven't got the chance to listen to every single song. 17th March is the day they'll come.
I guess this is the second concert i would attend alone. Because I'm still unsure who's the company. I don't know the band until one day my cousin tune the song on. I liked em. That's the way i like music lately liked them immediately.
I have this laziness that kept holding the body down. I wanted to go out wander and get a holiday a long one.

If i pick several days that i should pick that i don't want to forget in case that black guy from Heroes came to me and took my memories. I would definitely pick is the day that i get an Acid LSD for some unapparent reason i can't get off the memory but it always came back to that day. Over and over. Definitely i love that day. But I'm unsure it's healthy or not to keep remembering that day in that way. Keep that day in my head forever even i am wrong.

My heart become a stone cold, i even be afraid of it sometimes. All i want is the thing i want to do. And i would get off everything that been holding me down.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I Made Post When I'm Sad And Lonely. Yes I Am Now

There's one thing in common in all of my posts
I wrote them when there was no one at home or when it's so quiet, and everyone was asleep in their rooms.
That's the feeling of solitude amplified into a bigger complex a bigger thing that some called gloomy
no a guy shouldn't fell into something emotional too deeply

I remember once my brother said "You want to know why i always have a girlfriend? You won't understand you are 17 and you got friends around you. Girls to hangout with every single week and people to talk to every minutes. When people get into university, my age people getting individual. This guy who talks to you during lunch break got a job somewhere, that girl which is your best friend going somewhere far get a good job or simply married. Well there you are alone doing your things. Alone in every week looking people holding hands together, your ex got married, your cousins get married. And yet you are alone. That's why i need a girl"

I kind of thinking what he told was kind of right. I think I'm entering university and I got no friends to talk to regularly anymore, no sudden phone calls, no message on my facebook wall, no text message, no yahoo messenger, msn, AOL... No.
So i started a life with a girl. Yes it was awesome it was a bliss until me myself ended the relationship 2 years later because i want to have my time my solitude time. It's not because i just in time needed the time of being alone. I just don't want to be with her anymore. That's it

My mind has been changing, i tell people my thoughts easily (i just got a dejavu when i wrote that) i get aroused easily, i express myself how i want. I tell things what i want to say. And yes I'm being an ass for some people which i completely aware of. I'm being such an asshole for several people and i enjoyed it. I just don't want the people to act nice to me in which a fake nice

I always been picky to choose a girl. But now i don't really care. She's a bitch, she's no virgin, she's a slut as long i being with her. I would appreciate the company.
I just don't want to fell into a lonely guy syndrome, who likes all girl that been interacting with him.

The highlight of recent things is. Someone has been close to me, i give my time to her, i enjoyed the company but i don't want to open myself to her since i don't really like her for several reason.
I found out my ex now has a boyfriend which was stated "her true love" somewhere.
I found out someone that once i asked to have a coffee with me and have a talk nicely since i really interested with her, i watched concert with her, and i hope that someday she'll manage several things in my life now has a boyfriend without telling me back what time when where we gone to meet.
I found out I'm being individual also. I like being individual but i sometimes wish those eyes around me doesn't giving those looks.

I have a project. Which i believe will going to be huge, and someday will take my name printed everywhere. I'm going to work it off and wave goodbye to all of the things that have been ignoring me

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Serendipity Occurs As One Drop Of White Paint In a Bucketful Black Paint Sank

I've been having a mustache. The long one. The one i could put wax on it to make it always in shape.
I knew the consequences and i knew what would come as i put a mustache on my face. I looked funny and for some i looked ridiculous.
That was the face of late public sudden laughter. That's the face of sudden mockery occurred in at least in wherever i roam and wherever in sight.
You know how the society works, people laugh about the mustache like it was a walking comedy. I know. It's how society works. Like a tiny drop of white paint in a bucketful of black paint.
Like being an atheist in Indonesia. Everyone wouldn't stop to make you like one of them before they see you are being one.
I thought this place is a democratic place and free for everyone to be like what they wanted. Free for everyone to do whatever they like.


No the surroundings wont work that way.
Unless. 
You are the change.
I've shave the mustache. Because i'm bored.
Yeah, i do what always do. I do things when i'm bored. I took the idea into realization. 
The first idea of having a mustache is all because i'm bored and i shave it because i knew how to i look, feel when i have one.
Yes i do have a clean face now. Yes i do get some mockery also. They said i looked gay.


You know that's the way society works in what i learned.
it always talk shits in whatever you do 
it's just how far you can take it.

That's the way society works.
Always talk shits in whatever you do


Don't ever be something you're not
Don't give a fuck to what people say about you
Never be afraid to be true to yourself

Monday, February 13, 2012

Hello My Name Is... Lonely

Fall in love is such a strong emotion, such a strong feeling
and yet devastating
losing your ego, and two people two different personalities become one.
I'm not sure i can afford that anymore
losing myself into someone
ego fades
bodily relationship seems easier

Ain't easy in solitude after being together

When i really got no one to talk
When i don't have any more place to go
When everyone seems having more fun than myself

Monday, January 9, 2012

Vintage Tron I Thought Was Never Coming

Like i never expect this box came out of nowhere at my house. I have no hope that this box will coming and i thought i was being tricked by this ebay guy that i've been giving my rude words.
S. Allard i'm so sorry for the accusation
It was about May I've ordered vintage Tomy Tron via ebay for $250 and $50 shipping. I was a huge money waster that time.

US Postal service work in slow motion. 7 months people!
This is an ultra rare Tron Toys since this toys is the first production. Every character has been sold of 5000 piece each. 

All the toys that had arrived. They might be breathing fresh air now
It was brought together of all the plastic figurine but i missed one. Flynn

82's fastest bike (virtually)
And the other light cycle which was orange
Sark. MCP's right hand. (I guess MCP's left hand is occupied)
Warrior. The Troops
And the Tron itself 
I'm very happy with the arrival of this toys. Now i'm going to find another toys to complete them

A Pleasure To Meet You

Foggy weather,
Raindrop,
and all I've done was driving down the road. It was one of the worst road where traffic jam seldom occurred. I was driving and my mind wasn't on the passing and chasing cars but towards a hollow gaze.

"I wanted her... I wanted her But she doesn't like the life that i lead"

I felt so hollow, was starving and in thirst. All i want to do is let out something irrelevant in a inexplicably form of tears. Streamed down as i watch one raindrop had made a passage on my windshield.

"Doesn't like a sand stuck on her feet. Or sitting around smoking weed"

Nothing goes according to plan. None of the prayers are answered and no one really listened. I don't want to cause any trouble. It was a proper invitation and the boldest i've ever done. It made me happy... Only a reply for a coffee.

"And i boast that it is meant to be, but in all honesty"

The affirmative was written on the reply and something has ballet me down all the way for several minutes. Yes stupid... We all are when in love. A total happiness fills my throat all i could do is smiled, and yelled. "Yea if only i have a time for my self also i would say yes. i'll holla" she replied.

"I don't have a hope in hell I'm happy just to watch her move"

It was all happiness remembering that time until now, and remembering how the first time i walk closer to her after hundred days of observation from afar. Finally i came to her and told her that i always see her in the other branch of the book store she works on. She asked me did i saw her often from the later place. I said yes, we were in touch.

"And in all honesty"

One evening i embrace myself and right away i messaged her, was she up for a coffee. And the day changed, on the following morning it was all the things i've felt before all feelings become one in one piece. Like i wanted to shout and laugh at the same time. You want to cry and laugh at the same time. And yet you are sad since you can't do much than expressing it and no one really understand you at that state.

"I don't have a hope in hell I'm happy just to watch her move"

The affirmative stated followed by a statement of notification towards myself when she set the desired time of event to happen. The sung of love, happiness was a friend for me at that time and nothing more i really want than waiting.

"and I thought they could cure his disease"


Waiting for something i really want, and i always adore of. Waiting for something that have never come. Something that wouldn't really happened until the day i saw you gave poems about what love is in a form of a person and how ridiculous she was without that person significantly as a car and wheel, pedophile and a van, and Chaplin without his moustache. Funny she said mustache since i grew mine for a time.

"but in all honesty"

The sung of love and happiness used to be my friend but now they translated as bullshit. Expectation of every upcoming Friday, and Saturday was completely thrown away. All i do is playing video games. I don't really want to do something. Maybe not for now.

"He didn't have a hope in hell"

She have been having a boyfriend as i waiting for her 'holla'. Well i really got nothing to say about it.

"Now we'll never see him move"