Friday, November 4, 2011

'I Wake Up Every Day Stare At The Mirror And Ask Myself If This Is The Last Day I Live Would I Do This?'

This started by a video that i watched after the death of Steve Jobs the CEO of Apple Computers
It's about 3 things that he passed in his life. The video itself made a long time ago when Steve Jobs is on his best health. The message for me was simply interpreted to live the life the way i like it to, the way i wan't it to be. Don't ever let people say what i did was wrong and always have a faith to what I'm doing. Believe that it will be useful someday even things that i usually ignore.

The problem is I always afraid of doing things wrongly just because when i did, I'm afraid people would think that i am not as brainy as they do. Which i believe caused a slowly decreasing self development.

I bought a comic somewhere that stated a genius wouldn't stop after a little struck of lightning. Like when someone push a button and got struct by electricity and they would avoid the button since it hurts. Genius think otherwise when they pressed the button they are eager what caused the electricity struct.

comfort kept us in a secure castle
like a king felt secured by thousands of his soldier
I feared that I'm not being the person that people wants me to be but I feared more that I'm not being someone that i should become.

I started to do things wrongly, not really care about people opinion about myself as long i think I'm doing the right thing for myself. Keep doing things like i want to without avoiding the consequences. Doing things out of my comfort zone where the things are out of my control like i always did. Controlling every aspect of my life, i wanted it perfect i want all the things i have was maintained steady. But i found void when i was at that state, it felt the city were too small for me. No more new places to go, and nothing more i could do to simply pleased myself.

I am pretty pleased for these past weeks that i've been passed for doing the wrong things. I didn't do my homework according to my friends works. I did it according to me and if i did messed up, i could learn gradually from that. I keep reminding myself at anytime any places any thing i should decide. Always follow my heart to whatever i think i should do, or chose.

Doing things wrongly but doing it the right way doesn't count as doing it. Giving you the best thing at the current time for you is the sign of insecurities.

This morning i did something wrong. I was at the gym and there's a cute yoga teacher was teaching her class. I really want to open the door and shout "I love you!" but no! I didn't wish i was. I did it! She came to the door and did the 'zip it' gesture. I know in some people's opinion, i shouldn't do that but hey a little lightning struct wouldn't hurt you! ;)

Don't let shame take over your personal development as one person.

Here's the video. It might change your mind also