"You remember Steve?"
"Steve James from Houston"
"Oh yes, the nice hair one"
"Yassss. Well bad news i just found out he passed away"
"omg I'm sorry to hear that. From what?"
"Suicide. I'm still in shock"
Like a seed that been planted it grows for a while, and became a tree. Big tree at one day grows bigger veiling us from the sunshine. The days became darker and the night become the darkest. So strong it rooted deeply into the deepest mind soil.
At some point, you decided to cut down the tree and you feel the sun ray on your face it become the happiest time of your life. You found someone new, someone you love, and new circle to talk to but there's that emptiness that always been there.
It's like a shadow that weights you down after a loudest laughter. Several drinks with friends on the weekends did lessen the weight.
I guess it is the root.
The root that been abandoned for a long time and it grows again and popped into the surface.
It made sense if you see everything in your life was so tangled and weigh you down. It's like a way when you say enough for one time and think "What if I'm gone?" it all made sense. The trouble that have to cross you or you crossed means nothing anymore. No more sadness no more stress. No cancer that can gets you or ugly cardiovascular diseases. No more emptiness that you can't cover up.
It made sense if you seems doesn't matter. No one reminds you that you matter all you do is you remind people that they matter to them but they don't take it seriously.
It's the tree root that fed from the happy thoughts and turn it back to deeply saddened mind. People think it stops us from getting the real happiness but what is a real happiness though?
Why does everyone thinks getting married and have a children is a real happiness? Why does that have to be an example of a real happiness? Are all the happiness in the world is real when you do those things that is the major epitome of happiness?
That is where we stop it before it makes people happy, and we end it up there. It makes people sad. They thought they had it for forever but no it went that way and disappear. We rather end it all before it is unwittingly happier. We shut up before it is the loudest. We turn off the light when it is the dimmest, we quit when it is the most boring.
It feels like a tumor that grows on your ear you could cut that off and live your life like nothing has happened or life your life with that burden.
I'm the tumor and the people i love is the person.